Wife advice needed

Not a very tough guy opinion, but I say looks at money and finances like a game and be on a team with your wife to do as well as you can in the game.

Everyone has a different strategy to manage funds in a relationship or family. Keeping in mind that about half of marriages fail and finances are the #1 reason, there are some strategies that could be revisited for close to half of all couples.

Our way isn’t perfect nor is it for everyone, but I can honestly say that my wife and I have never argued about finances. The biggest reason it works is likely because we were raised with similar values and are the furthest thing from impulsive with money.

We each have our own accounts, but we are both listed on both sets of accounts. She has her savings, checking, retirement, and investment accounts. I have the same. We both could see what each other has at any time if we wished, but I can’t remember ever having a desire to do so. We have one joint checking account that we each throw money in each month to pay for things like property taxes, insurance, new to us semi annual income tax payments after getting hammered this year, and big “family” purchases like home improvement projects, the tritoon, large vacations.

As far as other individual purchases, we’ve each bought and paid off our vehicles of choice…I buy my fishing gear, guns, tools, yard stuff, and she buys her clothes, boots, decor, and pays for her vacations with her female coworkers that I pass on.

You know, it’s really not about the money. After working all my life and being fairly lucky I’m pretty well off. It’s more of a obsession with the things that turn me on. If I were a woman I guess it would be shoes or maybe sandals. Women buy those where they and their girlfriends know the difference, but males can see none. She is actually a very kind and supportive person, now I’ve got friends and family that say “I’ve got a problem”. I guess I’m just dreading “that look”.

I love the garage logic Paul D.

Who doesn’t like collecting things?? The biggest complaint I hear is “you spent all that money and never use it”. My wife throws out anything she does not use in a year. So at least use it so it looks worthwhile.

Slipbob nick wrote:

Not a very tough guy opinion, but I say looks at money and finances like a game and be on a team with your wife to do as well as you can in the game.

Great advice! Win the game and you can buy what you want when you want. Pretty easy.

Joe Scegura wrote:

<div class=”d4p-bbt-quote-title”>Slipbob nick wrote:</div>
Not a very tough guy opinion, but I say looks at money and finances like a game and be on a team with your wife to do as well as you can in the game.

Great advice! Win the game and you can buy what you want when you want. Pretty easy.

At what point can you start buying what you want when you want? Do you have to have a certain amount saved first. That’s the part I don’t get. My lady and I keep everything separate, buy what we want when we want, go on trips when and where we want. Don’t go in to debt over any of it, and finances will and have never been a issue. We are not rich, but I won’t go to my grave trying to be the guy with my pockets lined and never had fun.

This is very simple. You buy a lake home or a camper at a yearly lot and take it there so you can make her favorite smoked meats at home and the vacation spot.

Everyone situation is different. If this was me I would crack a beer and start cooking on it. When she asked I would say “ain’t she pretty?”. Fully disclosure, my wife and I keep our check books separate. It’s my money and I buy what I want. I am also finically responsible and won’t buy anything I don’t have the cash for. What works for me may be a weeklong fight for you.

I got a week to go before I’m emancipated and finances are a large reason for the demise.
Her thoughts were, what’s hers is hers and what’s mine is ours.
She never complained about me making money, but I wasn’t allowed to spend it at least without her full approval.
BTW – I can’t tell you how many items she had hanging in her closet for years with the tags still on them.

Eelpoutguy wrote:

I got a week to go before I’m emancipated and finances are a large reason for the demise.
Her thoughts were, what’s hers is hers and what’s mine is ours.
She never complained about me making money, but I wasn’t allowed to spend it at least without her full approval.
BTW – I can’t tell you how many items she had hanging in her closet for years with the tags still on them.

I hear this alot from divorced people. My ex never liked making money, wasn’t a hard worker by any means and it put a toll on us. It wasn’t our reason to split, but it was a headache. I worked 80 hours a week and she complained about a part time job at the beauty shop. ( glad those days are over ) her money in her mind wasn’t for bills because I made more. So hers was her own fun money and mine was for bills and paying for anything we did together.

Rodwork wrote:

Everyone situation is different

That’s right. There’s usually two sides to a story too.

Seeing a lot of these replies makes me very happy that my wife and I are a team when it comes to finances. We run totally separate checking and savings. We have joint investments, joint vehicles and joint house. We consistently duke it out to see who will be making more each year, which is a good competition to have. We check in on savings regularly, and then certain things are split differently. She assumes all the food groceries groceries, I get beer, I maintain all of the vehicles and toys, she gets interior household cleaning and upkeep. We both contribute to our son’s investments for his future, both have separate retirement accounts that we manage through the same advisor. Together for 7 years, married for 3 and never had a single fight or hiccup about finances.

gimruis wrote:

<div class=”d4p-bbt-quote-title”>Rodwork wrote:</div>
Everyone situation is different

That’s right. There’s usually two sides to a story too.

And what works for one couple may seem ridiculous to another.
In my case, my wife handles every dime that comes in our regular paychecks. I have no clue what we pay for anything. My paycheck is direct deposited, and I just buy what I want to a certain level that my conscience tells me is acceptable.

Now, I do build custom cabinets as a side hustle and as mentioned once before, I have a “garage envelope” for purchasing whatever I want. She knows of said “garage envelope”, but doesn’t know where it is, or want to know what’s in it.

Funny side note, she jokes that every trip I take is $100. When I get ready to leave for a trip, she see’s one single cash machine withdrawal for $100 and laughs. That could be a trip to my buddies cabin, or a week trip to Northern Ontario. $100.

I posed this question to my sister one day. At what level would you start to ask questions if you found an envelope full of cash in your husbands garage? $500? $1000, $5000, $10,000?

Her response was “Well, if it’s more than my secret envelope, or it had a fake passport, a hair dye kit, change of clothes, and a handgun, I might bring it up.” lol.

Greg Krull wrote:

I posed this question to my sister one day. At what level would you start to ask questions if you found an envelope full of cash in your husbands garage? $500? $1000, $5000, $10,000?

Her response was “Well, if it’s more than my secret envelope, or it had a fake passport, a hair dye kit, change of clothes, and a handgun, I might bring it up.” lol.

Every kit needs a hand gun.

Matt Moen wrote:

Go get a haircut…..walk in with the grill and your new haircut. When she doesn’t notice the haircut and starts yelling about the grill, begin to cry because she didn’t notice your new haircut.

For his sheer ability to think like a woman, this post must be acknowledged.

Mind you, the approach is extremely suspect, but Matt’s grasp of the feminine mindset should at least be given its moment in the sun.

This saved my bacon, Always make sure your wife has the same amount of $$$ in her 401 or pension then you do. DK.

I’ve got a lot of great advice on a lot of things fishing and otherwise on this site. Don’t take it personal guys. But maybe not my first go to for marital advice.

Hay honey look what I won at work………

Here’s how at works at my house. We don’t buy each other birthday, anniversary, or xmas presents. We both buy stuff through out the year for ourselves. I shake my head at some stuff she buys and im sure she does the same. But if you can’t afford the grill that’s one thing but if you can then great. She will really be shaking her head when I come home with the new 10pt 505.

buck-slayer wrote:

Here’s how at works at my house. We don’t buy each other birthday, anniversary, or xmas presents. We both buy stuff through out the year for ourselves. I shake my head at some stuff she buys and im sure she does the same. But if you can’t afford the grill that’s one thing but if you can then great.

This is our same situation.

Same here, we each have are own bank accounts so there is no auguring about money.

CaptainMusky wrote:

<div class=”d4p-bbt-quote-title”>buck-slayer wrote:</div>
Here’s how at works at my house. We don’t buy each other birthday, anniversary, or xmas presents. We both buy stuff through out the year for ourselves. I shake my head at some stuff she buys and im sure she does the same. But if you can’t afford the grill that’s one thing but if you can then great.

This is our same situation.

TheFamousGrouse wrote:

Matt Moen wrote:
Go get a haircut…..walk in with the grill and your new haircut. When she doesn’t notice the haircut and starts yelling about the grill, begin to cry because she didn’t notice your new haircut.

For his sheer ability to think like a woman, this post must be acknowledged.

Mind you, the approach is extremely suspect, but Matt’s grasp of the feminine mindset should at least be given its moment in the sun.

Men are simple and that would work on us. But women will circle back to the grill once we stop crying.

Dave Ramsey has got about 20 future customer’s in the near future.

Oh boy. I think I’ve laughed out loud about 6-8 times reading this thread.
When my wife and I were first married we had separate fun accounts to use at our own discretion and a joint account for bills and house/car expenditures. As we got older and made more money the separate accounts went away. I think if the expenditure was over $500 we agreed to talk to the other one about it. That worked for us.
On our honeymoon we went on a cruise. She wanted some emerald earrings with a matching necklace she saw in the jewelry shop on board. I said, “OK” but I get a new shotgun. She said OK. Done deal.

Everybody thinks separate accounts are all kittens and puppy dogs. I tried that with my first wife. I spent my “fun” money on booze and hookers. That account got closed real fast paying for the attorney.

The whole time reading thing, still thinking the devil is the wife…LOL.

castle-rock-clown wrote:

I bought a brand new Pit Boss pellet grill just last October. Wife loves the food that’s comes off of it. The devil made me buy a Char Griller Gravity Fed 980 just a week ago. It’s still hiding in the back of my truck away from her view and knowledge. She is maybe going to kill me once she finds out. How do I handle this? Ladies please feel free to chime in.

Have you used the new smoker yet?

I have a Masterbuilt 560 now but the CharGriller looks like the build quality might be better.

castle-rock-clown wrote:

Everybody thinks separate accounts are all kittens and puppy dogs. I tried that with my first wife. I spent my “fun” money on booze and hookers. That account got closed real fast paying for the attorney.

So then the next wife you just gave her the account then ?

castle-rock-clown wrote:

Everybody thinks separate accounts are all kittens and puppy dogs. I tried that with my first wife. I spent my “fun” money on booze and hookers. That account got closed real fast paying for the attorney.

If you spend ANY money on hookers, your problems are not isolated to a new grill…….