What Things Have Crossed Your Mind?

  • Denny O
    Central IOWA
    Posts: 5815
    #2027801

    Here are some that have crossed mine,,,,

    I’m on two diets. I wasn’t getting enough food on one.

    A cold seat in a public restroom is unpleasant. A warm seat in a public restroom is
    worse.

    Apparently RSVPing to a wedding invitation “Maybe next time,” isn’t the correct response.

    Don’t irritate old people. The older we get, the less “Life in prison” is a deterrent.

    Have you ever listened to someone for a minute and thought “Their cornbread isn’t done in the middle.”

    Aliens probably fly by earth and lock their doors.

    “You will hit every cone on the highway before I let you merge in front of me because you saw that sign 2 miles ago like I did.”

    I asked my wife if I was the only one she had ever been with. She said yes, all the others were nines and tens. Give it a minute…

    I really don’t mind getting older, but my body is taking it badly.

    It turns out that being an adult now is mostly just googling how to do stuff.

    I miss the 90’s when bread was still good for you and no one knew what kale was.

    Do you ever get up in the morning, look in the mirror and think “That can’t be accurate.”

    I want to be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

    As I watch this new generation try to rewrite our history, one thing I’m sure of … it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

    I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday. (Sounds like Rodney Dangerfield)

    Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.

    My wife asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where they make food right in front of you. I took her to Subway.

    I picked up a hitchhiker. He asked if I wasn’t afraid, he might be a serial killer? I told him the odds of two serial killers being in the same car were extremely unlikely.

    I went line dancing last night. OK, it was a roadside sobriety test … same thing.

    Deuces
    Posts: 5233
    #2027814

    I wonder what my jewish customers think when I wear my Uncut Angling hat?

    glenn57
    cold spring mn
    Posts: 11731
    #2027822

    rotflol rotflol rotflol rotflol

    funny stuff Denny!!!!!!! waytogo waytogo

    Dan
    Southeast MN
    Posts: 3756
    #2027824

    I wonder what my jewish customers think when I wear my Uncut Angling hat?

    Dude…… applause applause

    primitive
    Davenport, Iowa
    Posts: 203
    #2027983

    That’s the funniest stuff I’ve seen in a long time. Thanks!

    crappie55369
    Mound, MN
    Posts: 5757
    #2028011

    Thanks Denny. I got a good chuckle on some of those. Might try the doctor and glove trick

    Sharon
    Moderator
    SE Metro
    Posts: 5447
    #2028022

    Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.

    Part of what I do for work is onboarding new employees to work in our group homes, which involves a brief review of OSHA training – including talking about PPE. Gloves are the most common PPE and licensing requires I demonstrate proper glove removal procedures during training… I now tell trainees all that BEFORE I start putting on the rubber gloves out of the blue. shock rotflol

    Denny O
    Central IOWA
    Posts: 5815
    #2028030

    Sharon, next time ask for a volunteer first. jester

    mxskeeter
    SW Wisconsin
    Posts: 3738
    #2028049

    Good ones Denny. rotflol rotflol waytogo waytogo
    I had only heard a couple of these but they make me smile everytime.

    tim hurley
    Posts: 5817
    #2028056

    Why do you drive on a parkway & park on a driveway?
    Now that we have computer technology why does it take LONGER to pump your gas? It’s -10 no I don’t want to buy a carwash!

    Sharon
    Moderator
    SE Metro
    Posts: 5447
    #2028067

    <div class=”d4p-bbt-quote-title”>Denny O wrote:</div>
    Sharon, next time ask for a volunteer first. jester

    LOL!

    Bahahaha! Some of my trainees would definitely laugh! Most others might just run out the door and not come back. smash

    B-man
    Posts: 5775
    #2028077

    I donated blood for the first time yesterday…..NEVER AGAIN!

    No respect for my privacy…with question after question…

    Who’s blood is this?

    Where did you get it?

    Why is it in a bucket? rotflol

    mxskeeter
    SW Wisconsin
    Posts: 3738
    #2028150

    I donated blood for the first time yesterday…..NEVER AGAIN!

    No respect for my privacy…with question after question…

    Who’s blood is this?

    Where did you get it?

    Why is it in a bucket? rotflol

    rotflol

    How big is the bucket?

    JEREMY
    BP
    Posts: 3866
    #2028406

    Why is there a “Highway to Hell” but only a “Stairway to Heaven”?

    belletaine
    Nevis, MN
    Posts: 5116
    #2028411

    I got in a taxi and ask the driver to take me somewhere to get some action.
    He took me to my house.

    I broke a mirror in my house so I’m supposed to get seven years bad luck but my lawyer thinks he can get it down to five.

    I went to a tourist information booth and asked them to tell me about the people that were there last year.

    Denny O
    Central IOWA
    Posts: 5815
    #2028419

    Gud’ins guys and gal!

    mxskeeter
    SW Wisconsin
    Posts: 3738
    #2028496

    If Fire Fighters fight fires and Crime Fighters fight crime—what are Freedom fighters doing???? shock

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