What NOT to say to a cop

I’ll start with my funny of the day

Renewed my truck plates and haven’t received stickers yet. Was pulling out from a stop sign and got pulled over. Sheriff was pretty cool and had already checked my registration. So was just letting me know I didn’t have current stickers when he noticed the box of heavy latex gloves that scattered all over my cab.
Sheriff- what’s up with all the latex gloves?

Me- I have a thing for not getting any blood on my hands and they’re great for no fingerprints. ( it just rolled out with no thinking)

The look on his face was absolutely priceless!!! Then the background check…..

What seems to be the ossifer problem????

way to funny!!!

Man I would of loved to be there see/hear the response.

Long string of stuttering aaahhhh as I told him I care for my elderly father and he in-home hospice. I do a lot with his hands/arms getting scraped and he’s always bleeding somewhere….and he often needs anemias.

you are a good man Randy

You might want to take Chris Rock’s advice.

I once had a officer befuddled, he pulled me over and came up to my window, “do you know how fast you were going? ” obvious not or you wouldn’t have pulled me over” got a confused look and a slight smile…and a warning.

A long time ago … I had a woman trooper pull me over for about 53 at the start of the St.Paul 45 mph zone. I could see she was going to write me a ticket. She said 53 in a 45. I said if you would have pulled me over past the next exit/on ramp I would have been going faster. She did not like my joke.

ALL awesome!!
I was on my way home from my mother’s with my 5 drunk sisters in the van. Loud as hell in there! Came up behind a truck and pulled around to pass him. When I looked over I saw it was a cop. He motioned to pull over, I did and when he asked “why the hurry” I told him I had about 45 more minutes before we all got home and just gave him that look of “can you see what I’m dealing with?” He smiled and “try and slow it down” and left before I did.

Thats hilarious Randy, good thing cop had a sense of humor.

Years ago at a 1/8 mile dragstrip in Eddyville Iowa I met up with a very well known tractor puller owner from Missouri.
He had a Farmall M tractor with a supercharged small block chevy with a powerglide coupled to the old tractor transmission.
He said he was always curious what the thing would do on the open road especially seeing how fast the tires would spin during a pull at the track.

He took it out on the two lane blacktop not far from his house and turned it loose, about the time the rear wheels were starting to bounce a trooper came at him head on, lights and siren came on and the trooper spun his car around and pulled him over.
The trooper was livid screaming at Jim for excessive noise from 8 open exhaust stacks, and excessive speed in a 45 MPH zone.
The trooper handed him a several hundred dollar ticket for noise, unlicensed vehicle AND 63 MPH in a 45 MPH zone.

Jim said the trooper almost completely lost it when Jim said, Officer, you just as well tear up that ticket because no jury in the world is going to believe a Farmall M will do 63 MPH.
Trooper tore up the ticket screaming at Jim the entire time and left him sitting alongside the road, Jim idled the tractor back home.

that would have been something to see Iowaboy!!!

“Where you headed tonight?”

“Bringing these idiots home.”

“You been drinking?”

Dude in back leans out and pukes all down the side of the car right by the sheriff deputy.

“Your free to go have a nice night.”

Was walking between bars one night just as the town cops came out of the pizza joint. Stopped me, made me take breathalyzer. Told me if I blew over a .30 they would have to take me to detox. I blew a .23 and said see I knew I wasn’t a .30. He says “you know .23 is pretty drunk” to which I responded with “Ive been way drunker than this.” They were not amused.
They gave me a ride home and told me to stay there. I waited until I couldn’t see tail lights anymore and walked to the closest bar.

Many years ago in the late 70’s I used to bring my grandma to Lacrosse on weekends to visit with her sister and I would go fishing.
Didn’t go fishing one day and instead went to this bar, Red Sails, and stayed there till closing. My Grandma’s sister’s house was just off downtown LaCrosse and while driving home and almost coming in to downtown, I dozed off, crossed the centerline and almost had a head on with a police car. I just pulled over and two cops walked up and asked if I had been drinking. I said I had, and while I’ve never lied to a cop, told them the reason I was out was I bring my grandma there because no one else will, but being young I couldn’t stay at her sisters place all day, so I had to go out for awhile. I then told them if I lost my license there would be no one to bring my grandma to see her sister.
Anyway, the one cop wanted to lock me up, the other felt sorry for me. They got talking and the one cop came back to say his partner wanted to lock me up so he had to give me a ticket for something and was going to give me a ticket for speeding even though I wasn’t. I said thanks’ I was only three blocks from where I was staying and in the end, I guess they felt I had woken up enough to make it home, so they let me drive home.
Never be a jerk to a cop.

THIS is the kind of thread we’ve been looking for

Ahhhhh, La Crosse. What memories. “Your Uncles Club” was our favorite hangout when we came to town. Lots of laughs from that establishment. Maybe a couple tickets too as we were leaving. The cops in that town were pretty cool and unless someone nailed one or was super soused, they laughed along with us. Kids today have no idea what sort of good times could be had back then. In a way its too bad. Six of us bought an old school bus, gutted it and put bunks in it.
On Friday afternoons we would put the word out we were headed east at five and anyone wanting to join in best be where we left from. We’d tap a keg for the trip down. We had a spot in a private parking lot that we paid for for the bus when we got there.

Sundays were a struggle to keep the bus on the road but we always made it home. Hot damn those were good times.