Sleep with 1 eye open

Another glimpse into the adventures of caring for dad

He shifted his sleep patters from on/ off every 20 minutes or so to mornings 5ish to 9 and evening 7-11. The real adventure starts after u fall asleep and he’s up around 12-2am.
Cooked eggs in the toaster

Cut a heating pad in half so he could put part on each leg

This morning faucet running at kitchen sink. Guessing it was on for at least couple hours

Couldn’t remember how to turn lamp off, so he took bulbs out

Cut his charger cords shorter (low volt – phone, hearing aids…) because they are too long

Tried to give the dog a hair cut

Washed dishes by just putting dirty dishes back in cabinets

Let the dog back inside and left patio door open

Woke to him cussing at the shower curtain because the refrigerator wouldn’t open

Multiple times the air conditioner is running

And that was just the last few nights. Can only imagine what’s next

Randy, I assume he is on Medicaid? You may be able to get nursing care covered to come into your home and give you some help.

Matt, doing in home hospice for the last year. Nurse every week and two half days of respite. Currently working on med changes again. It’s when he’s alone for a hour or two he gets fidgety

Watched gold rush episode while he was sleeping. He got up in dreamland and was tearing the house apart looking for a bag of gold lol

Do you have a diagnosis?
If not, ask his primary care physician for a neurology referral.
Neuro will evaluate him and possibly arrange for a 3 hour verbal exam. They can tell by this battery of questions what part of the brain is damaged and the likely cause.
My wife has vascular dementia and I’m a 24/7 caregiver dealing with the same endless stream of stuff which gets worse after sundown.
A proper diagnosis will allow a decent prescription to help keep the delusions at bay.
Also, there’s a pretty good website that any of your dad’s caregivers can ask questions. You may be able to handle the stress, but others around you may need more emotional support and specific answers.
https://www.agingcare.com/caregiver-forum

Randy Wieland wrote:

Matt, doing in home hospice for the last year. Nurse every week and two half days of respite. Currently working on med changes again. It’s when he’s alone for a hour or two he gets fidgety

Watched gold rush episode while he was sleeping. He got up in dreamland and was tearing the house apart looking for a bag of gold lol

I assumed as much. We went through something similar with my FIL. We had to move him to full time hospice because he was falling and too big for us to get him up. He was a veteran so full time hospice at a nursing home was covered with his VA benefits.

Sorry for what you are going through.

Randy, in case you haven’t heard this enough….you’re a good man and deserve a lot of respect for doing the right thing even though it’s tremendously difficult at times.

SR

holy cow Randy…….i feel for you. that HAS TO BE extremely taxing on your family, and especially you. i cant imagine going through that..

i hope nothing but the best for you…………..your definitely giving it your all!!!

Steve Root wrote:

Randy, in case you haven’t heard this enough….you’re a good man and deserve a lot of respect for doing the right thing even though it’s tremendously difficult at times.

SR

Absolutely agree. Went through this with my MIL, my wife took most of the burden. You do what you must for those you love. Don’t be afraid to seek more help. Seen too many hurt their own health by taking on too much care for a loved one.

2nd what Steve and Glenn said Randy.. hang in there..

Mike Schulz wrote:

2nd what Steve and Glenn said Randy.. hang in there..

3rd! Really tough to see someone go through something like this.

God bless Randy.

Echo all of the above sentiments. That is my MIL’s trajectory right now. God bless you

good luck and god bless. hope you can get something figured out and get some help

If I were in your shoes Randy I’d definitely be looking for more help.

Wishing you the best sir!

We don’t believe in putting them in a facility. Home is home, and that’s where mot mother took her last breath, and so will be the same for my dad. Dad’s just too dam stubborn to die. End of March makes 5 years of this with him. Moved in here full time for 24/7 year ago. Prior I was here with 4-5 days and home 1-2 days. Was driving 140ish miles each way for work. Now I just home office from here.

Diagnosed- anxiety, diabetes, congenital heart failure, lung failure, crones, had 32 inches of intestines removed from botched surgery in air force, chronic loose bowl syndrome, hearing 85% loss, vision is about down to 3 feet on a good day, sun downers syndrome, restless leg syndrome, chronic low blood pressure and much more.

Things are manageable until the human side of me kicks in and I fall asleep. I am the only one in family, so options are
Limited

As others have said,it’s time for some help. A night time care-taker so you get some rest. If he is wandering around the house at night, get somebody now. You don’t want to wake up to find him laying out in a snow bank because he thought the dog needed to go out. You have fought a better fight than I could, but please know when it’s to raise the white flag and ask for help. Wishing you all the best.
WKW

When my dad’s cancer got bad he needed meds every couple of hours. He was pretty much out of it but you’d be surprised how strong an 81 year old with terminal cancer can be when they want to be. His girlfriend and I did what we could but he needed more care and equipment than we could give. We got him into an end of life care home where he lasted 5 days. It was two weeks of hell. I couldn’t imagine what you’re dealing with. God bless you Randy

blackbay wrote:

When my dad’s cancer got bad he needed meds every couple of hours. He was pretty much out of it but you’d be surprised how strong an 81 year old with terminal cancer can be when they want to be. His girlfriend and I did what we could but he needed more care and equipment than we could give. We got him into an end of life care home where he lasted 5 days. It was two weeks of hell. I couldn’t imagine what you’re dealing with. God bless you Randy

That is similar to my mother, she needed meds every two hours. I grew accustom to it. Ironically, so did Ruger, my lab. 5-10 minutes before the alarm going off, 110 pounds of chocolate lab standing on my chest and licking my face. Hospice nurse ordered care for me around the two clock for two days. that recharged the batteries and I went another 3 weeks until she passed.

Goal is to adjust his nightly anxiety meds to tweek his sleeping pattern and get him sleeping again through the night. For anyone thats never been through this, sense of time is one of the first things to go. He’s not been out of the house for 5 years. For anyone one of us that lives life outdoors, you can’t even imagine how insane this is. 75% of the time he does’t know day from night. 90% of the time has no clue what day it is. 100% needs to ask me time/day because he’s confused.

I’ve thought this many times, but days are numbered. His water retention in the legs and abdomen/chest would have killed any of us years ago. Now it is in his arms and his hands look like sausage links. Last month has had some labored breathing. But this is a man that has frequent blood pressure of 60-70/40. Hell, I know I would be dead. Nurses say I take too good of care of him. He’s been my best friend. We mended life differences and grew a friendship that’s indescribable. Other than frustrating moments, wouldn’t change a thing. He deserves all I do and more and I’ll be dammed if he ever steps foot in a facility.

My wife is going through the same thing with her dad in assisted living.Last night she got a call at 10:00 telling her when the staff went to check on him he was sitting at the kitchen table eating his favorite plant. The staff removed the plant then at 4:30 this morning she got a call saying he was throwing up and had blood in his urine. After a trip to the Emergency room it was determined that he was only severely dehydrated. He is back in his room now after eating a big breakfast. Hopefully there won’t be any more calls today the wife only got about two hours of sleep last night. Family members who care for ailing parents with memory issues are truly remarkable human beings who don’t often get appreciated enough for all the loving things they do.

Nurse we had with my mother said something to me that really stuck.

When they are at a stage when life expectancies are minimal at best, don’t you think they deserve to pass being happy and doing something they love?

That gave me a different mindset. Mom was bedridden at the end, so didn’t have these experiences. But if dad dies going out and filling a bird feeder, I’m ok. I intervene when it’s thing that would cause severe injury or destruction.

You are a wonderful son Randy. I hope you can get his day and nights straightened out. I would hate for you to wake up to a fire or him wandering off outside in freezing weather. You have my prayers sir.

I was a tough decision when we put my FIL into a home. He had brain cancer and his cognitive and physical abilities declined quickly. He had a fall one night and then my MIL hurt herself trying to get him up. He weighed 225 # and I couldn’t get him up so we had to call the ambulance. He tried to refuse help but thankfully the cops that came were empathetic and helped me. It was his third fall in as many days.

He actually had a bit of a positive turn in the hospice home. There were a handful of other vets there he got to know. He was only there 2 months before he passed but it gave us some relief he had socialization.

It’s a very tough deal…I commend what you are doing Randy.

I hire a company to come into the house for a few hours and babysit my wife while I go to work. I don’t want to retire because it gets me out of the house with minimal hassle.

We have a daughter that comes and stays a week or two with her while I go off skiing or whatever.

Statistically, 40& of care givers die before the loved one does because of the constant stress.

We got the vascular dementia diagnosis almost 3 years ago, and that has an average life expectancy of 5 years.

I’m like you in that I’ll do whatever we need to do to keep her at home. When she asks where she’s at I tell her she at home where she’s loved.

Good luck Randy. He’s lucky to have you.

Randy, Ugh, this has to be tough on you and everyone. It runs in my family also. Do try to find some humor, it is little, but it helps. I also work with dementia Patients at work frequently. It can be difficult. My prayers to you. This said, at least some in home help seems appropriate if not placement in a facility before your Dad hurts himself or causes a fire or something. Sorry for the un-requested advise. I know you all have done a good job. I will pray for all or you and especially your Dad.

Randy you have my utmost respect. I wish there was something I could do to help you out or just give as a token of respect. Your father raised a helluva son.

Ever wonder how sharp wood can be? Add this to you can’t make this sht up

Dad pulled the cord for his electric blanket into his recliner. Wood rails sliced it clean

Attachments:

1. 

   image-1-scaled.jpg
   

Lost my mom at 52 brain cancer dad at 58 lung cancer . Its a rotten way to go for alzheimer’s had an aunt go that way . Her son was fit to be tied at the end . No 1 take care of yourself first .

Having a hard time responding to this – as it’s my worst fear. I’m blessed to have both parents still energetic, healthy and living independently both in their mid 80s. But they’re both one incident away from their entire situation being turned on it’s ear, and I’m sure it’s coming sooner than later. It’s just a fact of life. I don’t take any day for grant-it with them.

Randy, I’ve never met you in-person, but you’re a great man. I’m reminded of a song lyric that’s always stuck with me… “Love is watching someone die.” Best of luck in your Dad’s final days and may God bring you, your dad and your family well-deserved peace.