As someone who has never actually seen one of these boats AND someone who doesn’t own lakeshore property, I feel obligated to comment and give my extremely informed opinion.
I think this is where we need to come together as a society and think of some realistic, implementable solutions to the ever growing problem that we are facing. HOW will we protect the precious lakefront property that these poor home owners worked so hard to obtain? Many of these people sat through 18 LONG years, filled with sweat, blood and tears before their trust fund kicked in, allowing them to finally purchase their humble abode on the water’s edge.
And now some jerk store in a wake surfing boat wants to ruin it? This is asinine, abysmal, this is abominable and by god it’s atrocious. Do you know how many hours of work went into the construction and maintenance of these properties? We are talking about HUNDREDS if not THOUSANDS of hours these homeowners spent waiting for landscaping companies to underpay undocumented immigrants to make this possible. And now you want some wake surfing boat to just mess it all up all willy nilly? Sorry, not on my watch.
Just try to put yourself in their shoes. You come home after a hard day on the golf course, and it was hard, the heat index was 95 and the beverage cart ran out of your favorite beer. On top of that, one of the cleats on your shoe broke partway through the round, it was indeed an emotional roller coaster.
You are looking forward to a dip in your temperature controlled, white-sand beach in the north metro. You’ve memorized that walk to the beach from the south wing of your starter home. It’s exactly 40 steps down a perfectly even grade to the sand, one step for every million dollars in your bank account. It’s so familiar that you can do it with your eyes closed, knowing exactly which step will result in your right foot meeting the 85 degree purified, weed free water of your beach.
Today is different though, on your 39th step, the big toe on your right foot is moistened. You stop in your tracks, “what is the meaning of this?” You look down and see that the perfect transition from emerald green grass to white sand has been tampered with, your perfectly straight line transition has been forever tainted. The cause of this injustice however is immediately apparent, there is only one logical explanation, crab people.
Long have they toiled under ground, waiting to usurp us surface dwellers. After failed attempt after failed attempt, they have finally gained a foothold, and have found a means to disrupt our stressful lives. Wake surfing boats.
The way forward is clear, an immediate and all-encompassing BAN on all wake surfing boats on all lakes. Except for those who live on the lake, or those who are relatives with those who live on the lake, or those who are ‘good people’. That’s a pretty broad term, but historically the crab people have not figured out how to integrate with our economy, so the easiest thing to do would be to just ban anyone from entering the lake that is below a certain level of wealth.
Only then can our lifestyles be preserved, only then will we truly be free from the oppression and tyranny of the crab people.
