Jeff,
You’re right. There’s no way I can identify with your loss or the pain and emotion that is certain to follow. I can only hope in this matter that you find no presence of uncertainty.
This past year, I’ve had to suffer the second worst possible rejection, the rejection of my wife telling me I was no longer loved. That I hadn’t committed any crimes or wronged our marital vows, she just didn’t want me anymore. I’ve always tried to “be there” for friends when they went through this sort of thing but I never knew the anguish experienced until I found those shoes on my feet and walking a path I never thought would bear my direction. That path wasn’t on my life’s “map”. With this departure, I’ve lost my oldest son. Not mortally, but he’s not of my blood and I was never permitted by his biological father to adopt him………………but he was……..and is………..my son. There is no legal injunction preventing me from seeing him but unless I happen to catch them all together, lately they’ve been keeping him from me.
I’m losing a “son” by another’s choice and I haven’t a legal leg to stand on…………..and I know how this feels.
I’m not so bold as to say that it holds a candle to your experience Jeff…………..for I don’t believe it to be so, but I am experiencing a loss and I find tears for you, simply imagining your pain against that which I can call my own.
I’d like to join in your courage to encourage educating our children, and add 2 things to your list.
1. There’s a terrible epidemic in our country regarding committment. People aren’t finishing what they start. We do it with each other, with our kids, even to ourselves. We need to educate ourselves and our futures that no matter how hard things get, it’s enduring the struggles that make us better people and sweeten our victories, whether great or small. Kids are losing friends and parents, and men and women are losing spouses. Complacent justification just isn’t a good enough reason to dissolve family foundations and their priceless values.
2. If you believe in an afterlife, pursue that knowledge and pass it on to your kids. On New Year’s Eve, I had the pleasure of seeing my youngest son (7 years old) “put Jesus in his heart”, as he so lovingly described it. I know what I believe and why I believe it, and I am passing that on to my children. Both sons, exist in a confidence I carry, that no matter the outcome of this life, we WILL have another one, together in the same place. Not because of my wishes, but because of my example and their decision to follow. Leadership is a never ending lesson that I would like all parents to consider as a key to our futures. And because I’m NOT the answer guy and I DON’T know it all, I’d just like to say that there’s a TON of literature available to us and if we take the time to read, we’ll be better, at least, to each other.
Jeff, I lift you and your family up in prayer during this time of fragility, and pray His strength be felt, His plan revealed, and your comfort restored.
Private me a phone number should you ever wish to talk, or find an ear that is only to listen.
Ken
So Young, so soon, so so sad ! My deepest sympathy. 
