UPDATE: Son in Jail

I am simply amazed at all the responce that I have received from my post. A very BIG THANK-YOU to all. My son is still sitting in jail. He does have a bail set, but I am refusing to get him out. This may sound mean, but, I have already bailed him once before and I told him one is all you get. He got himself in there, he will have to get himself out this time.

He is being held on poss of stolen goods and fleeing an officer. Both gross misdemeners. He faces 90 days. He says he wants to plead guilty, do his time and get out and start over. 1st with teratment. He has admitted to doing METH. Some or you have asked if drugs or alcohol were involved. YES.

I have been visiting him, trying my best to support him in a loving way. I don’t need to tell you how hard this is on my wife and myself.

and to top it off… My other son(17yrs) came home drunk last night, after I refused to let him in the house, he punched a hole in the wall, went outside and vandalised the fence in our front yard, then took off. We still do not know where he is.Talk about following in his brothers footsteps.

How can I possibly go out on the water and enjoy fishing this weekend???

Sorry to bore everyone with this, but as you can see I am venting.

Thank-you again, all for your words and prayers.

Brian

When it rains, it pours.

I’ll offer you some of my thoughts….

I would seek professional help for yourself and wife. Sounds like a family intervention is in order with the younger son and his drinking problem/violence. Seek some help from a church pastor or call AA. Either can lead you in the right way to resolve this. Discuss this with an expert/professional.

Good luck. Just as your kids need help themselves, so do you. Check out Alon (pronounced Al-o-non) with the local AA They have meetings for folks who must live with people who have problems with drug/alcohol addictions.

Hawger

speaking as an 18 year old kid myself, almost 19, all i can say is i respect my parent sa lot and i would never do that to them ever. I also was tought at a young age how to treat people and how to treat your parents and if not a good ole swat on the butt. i was told who and who i couldn’t be with. i am not saying it is too late but i am saying maybe you should become more involved in what they are doing now then what you have in the past.

Sorry, Larson, but I have to disagree. It’s not always involvement that counts. I’ve raised three kids. I survived them and they survived me. Discipline and involvement helps, but I wouldn’t be too quick to judge a parent. How do you know that Rocketman hasn’t been there the whole time? And wait until you have a few of your own before you get onto a soapbox.

Anyway, Rocketman, my sympathies. Follow Hawger’s advice. Start with you and your wife and get the kids involved if they’re willing. And do get out for at least a bit of fishing. It helps clear the head. In the meantime, I know that all of us will be saying a prayer for you, your wife and your kids.

Mike

I appreciate the backup Mike. I do believe I have been there for my kids. All 5 of them. My oldest is in her third year at the U In Mpls.She works hard and is doing very well. The next one down is raising 3 kids (yep, that makes me a grampa). I still have a good chance with my youngest, “KC”. she is 10 and loves to fish w/the “Old Man”.

Yes, I have been here, as a matter of fact I am self employed and work right here at home, past 10 yrs. You can’t be at your kids sides 24/7, They are going to have to make some of there own decisions. I have found that peer pressure can be very hard on kids. I’m not blaming the “other” kids for my kids problems, but I am sure there is some impact.

I believe in “Lead by example”. I finished Tech School. Served 3 yrs for Uncle Sam, served a 4 year term on City Council, and have kept my businsess up and going for many years. I do not drink, my drug days back in high school are LONG over. I work hard and when I get to go fishing with my friends I can not sleep the night before.I am just like YOU!

Keep praying for my kids, I think it is working.

Thank-You ALL!

Brian

Oh, BTW. My 17 yr old showed up yesterday, saying he was very sorry for having done what he did. I said, “That is fine, now sign this agreement between us that says you are going to follow rules and get treatment for your addictions”. He threw it back in my face, told me to kiss my a?? and took off again. I can not allow him to run me over, and ruin our house, but, boy does it hurt to see him act this way.

Hey, Brian,

Stay the course. Sounds like you’ve worked hard on all this. I stayed home for a long time, business growth forced us out of the house a year and a half ago and it hasn’t been the same. I talked to my kids about what’s been going on with you and they are all with you.

One thing I’m sure of. A whole lot of parental love eventually becomes the cornerstone for a kid’s development. Keep it up, no matter how it feels from day to day. Seems to me that somewhere along the line, the rules and agreements that we make with our kids will eventually make them realize just how much we care.

And don’t give up a single day of fishing with KC. It’s the best time in the world!

Mike

i never said that you didn’t i am just saying i turned out pretty damn good and that was how i made it. seems to me like your other one can’t be controlled either. i ain’t gonna get involved in it it is your kid hopefully he turns a 180 ends up being like your daughter but doesn’t sound like it

larson,you giving advise on parenting,is like me telling a pilot how to fly…I don’t have a clue and neither do you.Take some advise and when you’ve been there-done that,then pipe up.Stick to something you know something about.

hey troutman, i am speaking from a kid his age, he thanked me for my input so i would like to say something to you but i would rather stay on this board

i meant i am giving advice from an age that his kid is so he knows what kids our age think about now.

Jeff And Michael

Both of your opinions are welcome to us older guy. We all were your age at one time, but responsibilites has changed us ! We need your imput and insight. Most of us are willing to listen to you. This is the first step of long and lasting friendship ! But let’s not bicker on line !!!

Richard (Smitty)

Keep a tight line !!!

Right there Smitty… that is what P/M are for.

Hawger

Hawger,Smitty,Larson and especially Rocketman.My apologies.In hindsight,I should have contributed to this post before I did and not in the manner in which I did.I am the father of three boys,21,18 and 13.My 18 year old is,like your son Rocketman,a troubled young man.He’s done time twice in juvenile detention centers before he turned 18.He has a good job now and is going to school next fall,which is very encouraging to my wife and I but,he lives life on the edge and I know he’s only one friday or saturday night away from getting himself in trouble again…or worse.Only another parent can know this heartache…only a parent can know the fear and dread when the phone rings at 2 a.m.Being a parent is the greatest joy a person can know but,it can also break your heart.It’s not always poor parenting that makes kids take the wrong road.They’re people too,wanting to make their own choices.Sometimes,some of them make the wrong ones.I guess Rocketman’s problem hit too close to home and I lashed out at Larson for his well-intended,albeit,inexperienced point of veiw.Sorry.Hang in there Rocketman.You’re not alone.Mike

if it was inexperienced i wouldn’t of said it, i know what 18 year old kids are doin now. heck i see it all the time and if he is that bad that is too bad. my buddies and i will drink a little well some of them drink a lot right AL cho, but we never do anything to get in trouble or anything like that it is just responsibility and it probably is just who he hangs out with, but if it is, you can still be proud knowing that you raised him the right way until he picked this croud to be with.

Hey Guys,

Now were talking constructive !

Richard (Smitty)

Keep a tight line !!!

There finding that alot of this drug abuse is hereditary.I,v worked with troubled youth for the last 10yrs,after retiring from the P.D. and drug abuse is just the symtom of the problem,there could be depression involved,usualy goes hand in hand and is on the same chromizone at birth. I,ll bet there are grand parents or uncles and ants with similar problems but hawger is right seek help for youselfs alon is the place to go it,s free and will help you very much it,s like this board and the people you meet will be glad to see you because they need your help to these 12 step programs work that way you can only help yourself if you help others