Rules to Enter Nebraska
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Let’s get this straight; it’s called a “gravel road.” I drive a pickup truck because I
want to. No matter how slow you drive, you’re going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. Yes there are cattle & feed lots. That’s what they smell like to you. They smell like our economy booming to us
although we should have built them a little farther from our hi ways. Get over it. Don’t like it? I-80 goes east and west. Pick one.
4. So you have a $60,000 car. We’re impressed. We have $200,000 combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It’s called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of pheasants are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your
hand. You better hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat catfish and good old Nebraska beef. If you really want sushi & caviar, it’s available at the corner bait shop.
8. The “Opener” refers to the first day of deer season. It’s a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
10. No, there’s no “vegetarian special” on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef’s Salad and
pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
(And you NEVER put ketchup on a steak!)
12. You bring “pop” into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring “Mary Jane” into my house, she
better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don’t hit the water hazards – it spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? Try UNK Kearney, UNL Lincoln or UNO Omaha (or abunch a’ others). They come outa there with an education
plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come home for the holidays.
16. Anhydrous Ammonia is used as a fertilizer and refrigeration! Let us catch you trying to “cook” something with it
and we will “cook” your you-know-what!
Nebraska can make it without the United States, But the United States can’t make it without Nebraska – We feed them all!” 