Kid's Sports – It's a shame what's happend.

It used to be that one of the great joys of sports for kids was getting to play and hopefully win with your buddies from school. I think a lot of us remember it that way. It’s just so much better when you get to relive the big win with your friends at school the next day.

Now, at every level is that kids as young as 10 are joining private leagues and traveling leagues so that they never get to play a single game with any kids from their school or the kids they played with back in association days.

OK, I get it, I’m a dinosaur and this is the way all sports have gone. Got to get with the times, Grousey.

I also get that I’m probably biased because I’m coaching the basketball team that all the best players have been stolen from. I’m the school coach for U12 basketball and to fill the ranks, I’ve had to dip down into the 4th grade to bring more players up. And yes, the only thing I’ve ever coached before is hockey and yes the last basketball game I played in was 15 years before the turn of the century, so I get that I may be out of touch.

So here’s the dilemma. You’re the coach, what would you do?

The situation is that 2 parents of good players in the school both never had the time of day for the basketball school teams. Their kids were hot sh!t and probably destined to be the next Lebron, they could tell that even at 10, so they both put their kids in a private traveling basketball league that plays Nov to April.

Well, now it’s mid-season and both of these kids have been demoted to the B level of this traveling league and even there they are riding the pine. It’s even worse, both A and B teams have been getting their @sses handed to them all year and are now like 1 and 12 and the last game I heard about, a Mpls team smoked them by 40.

You can see where this is heading. One of the parents has texted you asking if you’d let the 2 kids join the school team. He even joked that he “Heard you could use the help, lol.” BTW, you’re 1-3 in league play but we lost 2 games by a basket, so it’s not like the blowouts their kid’s teams have been handed.

You texted back and said I don’t think it would work because of conflicting schedules, but the parents replied and said they were pulling their kids out of the traveling league.

OK, so as a kid’s coach I’ll tell you the first thing you have to learn is to ignore the d!ck parents.

But this situation just rubs you the wrong way because I’m not sure it’s in the best interests of my team to let in some kids who we weren’t good enough for before and then they compete for roles against kids who have been with the team the whole year and worked hard.

But… you feel bad for these 2 kids. They want to play with their friends and to be honest, losing all the time AND having no fun at practice sucks when you’re 11. They are both good kids and I know they would be good on the team, but still is this “taking away” from the honest efforts of the players who have been with us all year.

AD says it’s your call. When asked him what he would do, and he said honestly he saw the same 2 sides of it that you do. On one hand he was honest, he’d love to say to the parents what happened to the next Lebron? But this should be about the kids, so there’s 2 sides to that as well.

What would you do?

Grouse

I couldn’t fault the kids because they have idiot parents. I’d just be straight up and say they need to work for their positions and prove they can be part of the team.

Agreed with Munchy. It’s most likely not the kid’s fault and now you’re in a position to have an impact on the lives of two kids you didn’t have before.

Ok, but what about fairness to the kids that have worked hard the whole season? Now 2 better players who just didn’t like playing on a losing team move in and take your playing time?

And believe me, the parents of these 2 players will be pushing from day 1 for their kids to be starting. Because they’re the next LeBron…

Grouse

Tell them that they have to practice with team for x amount if days before their eligible to play games and they will have to work into current rotation. If u get resistance then say no.
If they are friends to the other kids it should work out and ignore parents.

I’d have a meeting with the parents and the AD….face to face. I’d tell the parents that first off the kids would have to be “un-trained” of their I’m that good” way of thinking that comes with being a part of a traveling team….meaning the kids have to show team spirit and earn their way into the program in small steps. Then I’d ask the kids to step out and lay it flat on the line with the parents that they stay out of the way you play the game….meaning your kids will play when I tell them too and you won’t be a factor in that. Sit back, enjoy the game, but don’t you dare interfere with how I manage the team or decide when whoever plays.

Then I’d have a meeting of the parents of those already on the team and ask their thoughts on letting the 2 kids play and understanding what the outcome of the meeting with the two kids’ parents involved. You already have team that you’ve developed with good players and you have to answer to the school and those parents already. Are you willing to risk taking on problems…not from the 2 kids, but from the superior attitude those parents will haul into the gym.

Providing there is roster room I would let them in. It would be understood that they were the bottom 2 players and they would need to earn their playing time just like the other kids did. I would tell the other kids it was up to them to work hard and improve to hang onto their spots. I would purposely favor the existing kids playing time while still getting the new kids in the game.

Being a former coach a meeting before hand with all 4 parents would be in order. The parents would understand you were the coach and what your coaching beliefs were. I would tell them point blank you wouldn’t hold against the kids the fact they pushed them into a level they weren’t ready for. Be blunt, the worse thing that happens is they keep the kid away from you.

Anytime you are involved in anything below college sports the two biggest things to be taught are
1) How to play. The rules, skills, teamwork.
2) Winning is fun. But the game and your friends are fun also. Practice should be fun. They can certainly learn while having fun. Give them 5 minutes of free-styling each practice. Let them have fun.Let them be kids. Life comes soon enough.

As you mentioned, so few kids are ever going to even get a full ride scholarship. Most will wash-out of the sport by the time they are seniors in high school. The few who actually are above average in talent will rise to the top naturally.

As the coach understand it’s your job to teach & encourage for the kids adult lives. That 10th kid on the bench could hit a growth spurt and grow 6″ by next year! He will still need basic basketball skills. Also understand, that if you were really really special as a coach somebody would have also found you and moved you into a advanced roll. To many coaches think they are the next coming of Phil Jackson or Bill Belichick. Enjoy your kids, help them. The greatest compliment you will ever receive is from a parent who says “thank you coach, Johnny had so much fun this year and really is looking forward to next year.”
You will never forget that conversation or kid.

Oh, as a coach you know what strokes parents can be. Don’t hold the parents behavior against the kids. Treat every player the same.

Good luck with you decision.

I wonder what the kids on your team think about it. They may welcome them with open arms.

Seen this to the other way too, where kids bail at last minute or during season to go to a club team.

I agree with Dutch on a lot of points. Our biggest reward coaching a B team for several years was that our players kept coming back each year, even after some really rough seasons as far as record goes. Several of those kids will be on the JV team this year.

Ran into this coaching competitive baseball with the same age kids. We were the b squad and kids from a squad wanted to come down or they didn’t make the a squad and felt entitled to start on the b squad. And by entitled, I mean the parents felt that way.

I would always do what’s best for the kids. Let them play but set ground rules. Maybe so many practices before they can play and make them start as reserves. I wouldn’t worry about meeting with the parents of the new kids. I’d focus on the existing parents and kids. Let them know why you are doing it. If you owe an explanation to anyone it’s them.

Tough situation. Regardless, you won’t please everyone so do what you think is right and stick to your guns. Good luck.

Part of my dilemma here is that as a parent, I can’t imagine being so self-absorbed that I’d put anyone in this situation. I’d never let my kids bail out on their team and go play for another because they feel entitled to win move and play more. Wanna win and play more? Work harder. Bail out on your team? No freaking way I’d condone that as a parent, what message does that send?

How does the existing team feel about this? Not how I (and some of you) would have expected, that’s for sure.

It seems like the kids are used to this deal where the better players ditch the school team for greener pastures and they’re not really sympathetic to that, so surprisingly the majority attitude among the 5th grade kids that know about the situation is, “Tough. They were too good to play with us back at the start of the season.”

I was surprised and I think they would eventually enjoy playing with their classmates, but this isn’t an “open arms” situation that I expected.

Naturally, the 4th graders that I brought up to play on our team are all against it. And I get that, they look at this situation and to them, the message is work hard, try hard, get shafted because older kids always get their way no matter what you do.

The parents that I have spoken to seem to think this is a slam-dunk, no-brainer: Tell the superstar kids and their helicopter parents to get lost. In their minds, this is not even worth a second thought.

The Superstar parents have apparently interpreted my icy silence on the text box as bad news because they went to the AD already to try to force my hand.

Grouse

Well as a coach in the social media age send them a link to this thread.

Isn’t your season about a 1/4 the way through? To late to hitch up new horses at this point.

Since the team doesn’t embrace the move, that is a big factor. Like you mentioned what message does it send by bailing from the other team.

Still really a no win situation.

Grouse,

It seems as though the majority has spoken already. If the kids are not open to it then it seems to be end of discussion.l

As much as I feel for these kids they need to take the approach the 4th graders did. Work Harder and improve yourself for playing time and you don’t bail when something doesn’t go your way.

Growing up in Canada and playing travel hockey I was always wanting to be pushed. Would rather be the worst player on the best team and improve and earn more playing time than be the best player on the worst team where you really don’t have to work at it.

The AD said it was your decision but the people who matter most have spoken(the kids)and these parents need to be taught a lesson as well.

You choose that for the year and you stick it out and next year play where you want.

Best of luck to you

Either way enjoy this season and the next few. They go fast.

Dutchboy wrote:

Isn’t your season about a 1/4 the way through? To late to hitch up new horses at this point.

Yep. The other kids made a choice to play in the traveling league this season. They need to honor that commitment win or lose, playing or riding the pine. These aren’t kids that just moved in and want to play at their new school. They should’t have quit the other team, assuming they did, and expect to play elsewhere.

Just my opinion. The parents either allowed or decided to put the kids on the traveling team. Now they allow or decided to pull them. Should be a lesson learned for both kids and parents. Your players should have 98 per cent say in this. They are the ones that have made it a team, not parents or couches or ADs.

I wouldn’t let them back. I don’t know them, but I guarantee they wear Nike tights and have the most expensive shoes (and let everyone know it) Their attitudes will poison your team. Subtraction by addition.

Found out from the AD that he was contacted by one of the Superstar parents, I’ll call him Richard. Richard is the one who seems to be driving this whole “change teams” thing. I haven’t heard a peep from the other parent, but he seems to speak for both.

So the AD told Richard that all team matters are the coach’s decision and Richard should call me directly. Richard did not mention that he had already texted me.

Anyway, the AD did me a solid and said to Richard, “Just wondering if you’re thinking about what kind of a message this sends to your player? You think that’s a good lesson for an 11-year-old player?”

Well, Richard hemmed and hawed and said it was because of coaching and direction, not because of playing or winning. The AD said in his opinion, the message was the same regardless of reason, but it’s the coach’s call. Richard was not cool with the AD not making a spot decision and here’s a really good one. He said he’s “Uncomfortable talking to me because I’ve got a “rep” as being a hardass.” AD told me he said “So what?”, but I’ll bet that wasn’t his whole response.

All I’m seeing here is a massive entitlement attitude on Richard’s part. I don’t know his kid at all except for saying hi in the hall, so he could be good or bad, I don’t know. And I won’t even talk to him about the other kid except to say have his parents call me.

We’ll see if he calls me. My guess is that he didn’t get the open arms reception that he thought he and his Superstar were going to get with this deal.

I’ll tell you one thing. It’s no damn wonder they are short of youth coaches. Everything’s great as long as I don’t have to deal with parents.

Grouse

I believe your mind is made up. Concentrate on the kids you already have.

Dutchboy wrote:

I believe your mind is made up. Concentrate on the kids you already have.

Invite the kids back for next year.

“Well, Richard hemmed and hawed and said it was because of coaching and direction, not because of playing or winning.”

Sounds like adult life. Sometimes you get a manager who you don’t agree with or a company going in “the wrong direction.” These kids will get a good life lesson. Decisions have consequences.

I coached my daughter for 7 years and my son for 3 years. Every year when the season started I told the parents at my parents meeting that “you” meaning the parents will be the one who will wreck sports for your kid. Let me coach them and they will have fun. At the end of the day that’s what they want. To have fun. Sure everybody wants to win but that’s not real.
Ask yourself this… are the boys having fun with the way the season is going? Even though they don’t have a winning record? Would the new boys fit in with the team or cause a disruption? At the end of the day its about the boys even though it may cause you some frustration.
Maybe have a team meeting and talk to the boys on your team. Let them have some input. After all its their team. Not saying let them make the decision but maybe some input. It will go a long way in the respect category for you knowing you asked their opinion.
Hope you have a fun season as a coach. Because if you do they will.

Yonkers, wrong subject.

If the teams against it no way they should be back on the team. Talent has nothing to do with teamwork. They may not even improve the teams performance if it brings down team morale. I would say they could practice with the team so they’d be familiar next season. They can watch the games dressed on the bench.

$100 says next season they’ll try to find another travel team either way.

What about the 4th graders you pulled up and away from their friends? Now you bring back 2, probably more talented kids back, that leads to less playing time for the rest of the kids. Do the 4th graders now get to go back to their old teams to be with the friends they left behind? This could cause a domino effect. I’ve coached multiple sports for many years and seen the same thing. I wouldn’t do it. You did say it right “It’s a shame.” good luck

Don’t rosters have to be submitted by Jan 1 for winter sports?

Dutchboy wrote:

I believe your mind is made up

Actually it’s not made up. Classic can’t win scenario. Do something for the kids, encourage the bad behavior of the parents. Make the parents accountable for their decision, the kids don’t get to play the rest of the season. I don’t like either.

I don’t believe the 2 kids in question had any say in where they played this year, so I would feel pretty bad saying, essentially, “Too bad, you made your bed, now lie in it,” when they really are just playing where their parents arranged for them to play. Obviously, the parents got them in over their heads, but as usual, it’s bad parents, not bad kids.

I’d like to “teach the parents a lesson”, but I’m of 2 minds on this. Giving snowplow parents what they want and letting their kids play teaches them nothing, but you can’t polish a turd. My experience with people like this has been there’s no fixing them. Everything that happens is somebody else’s fault, so I’ll just be the bad guy for not letting their kids play, they’re too far up their own @sses to actually learn anything from it.

You can’t run a team by what the players or parents think. You’re wrong no matter what if it goes bad, so I’m not going to start asking parents what I should do.

So this is the classic rock and hard place situation. Hopefully, Richard has tested the wind and found it not to his liking and won’t even call me. I put out feelers to see if the 2 kids actually quit the traveling league or if they’re still playing. Maybe, just maybe, the parents DO actually realize what a terrible example it would set to let their kids run out on their own team.

eiger0304 wrote:

What about the 4th graders you pulled up and away from their friends? Now you bring back 2, probably more talented kids back, that leads to less playing time for the rest of the kids.

I didn’t pull anyone away. The 4th graders don’t have a school team, they have skills development, but they don’t play games in a school league. U12 (5th grade) is the first league available, so the 4th graders are still in SD with their buddies, it’s just that they get to double practice with us and play games. And I took all 4 of the boys that wanted to play (SD is mixed boys/girls), so no cherry-picking from me. To the 4th graders, this is the best deal EVER so especially for them bringing in 2 new 5th graders would be rough because

BTW, my star guard is Matt and he’s a 4th grader, he had 14 points last game and gave the opponent absolute fits. Size-wise he’s at about an 8-10 inch height disadvantage, but he is mentally so advanced that he’ll blow past his man and force another man to pick him up, so then there’s a guy open every time and he’s skilled enough to get them the ball. Of course, not everyone’s skilled enough to catch it, but we’re working on that…

Best thing about this whole deal is coaching my son. He’s one of my Twin Towers, I’ve got 2 big 5 foot plus centers which in 5th grade is pretty imposing because my big man is 5 foot 2, and he’s solid too so he doesn’t get pushed around. Now if I could just get him to make cuts and get open more…

Well, let’s put it this way. I won’t be seeking that big 5-year contract extension and the huge money that comes with it…

Grouse

Grouse,I have never played sports of any kind,nor have I coached anything related to sports but I have seen plenty of what you are experiencing and parents can be Richard Craniums for sure.
if you let them in,the kids learn nothing other than they got theirs and their parents way and learned nothing that will advance the team.
stick to your guns Grouse,stick to your guns

Can’t stop thinking about this scenario. You gotta stick to your guns. Wins and losses couldn’t be more irrelevant when it comes to youth sports. They’re there to grow as people and there is a definite life lesson here.