Jury of my peers

I think you guys should go on Judge Judy. That way we can hear all the info from both sides…and see what she says.

Justin riegel wrote:

<div class=”d4p-bbt-quote-title”>Bearcat89 wrote:</div>
How does a gun get lost ?

If we knew that answer we would not be here. several possibilities, 1. it got left on shore and not put into my gun box in my boat. 2. It fell out somewhere. 3. He left on his car somewhere when he took off after getting his blind bag bag and other gun from my boat.

Sucks when a friendship goes away after one side quits helping the other. Ive been in your spot many times. I feel your pain

I don’t like to borrow stuff from people but if I do I make sure they get it back promptly, better than when I received it, and I thank them for letting me use it. This should have been talked about and settled as soon as it was realized it was missing. The only solution I see now is to go and talk to him face to face and come to an agreement. Personally I would have paid him for the gun the day it went missing and if it was found he could have gave me my money back. Stuff like this could have been the reason why your friendship has drifted apart.

If guns were in the boat, any stop along the way is a potential spot to get poached.

Justin riegel wrote:

On top of a couple completely separate issues I think I grappling more with the question do I even want a friendship with him moving forward. I think not, but I will repay him for the gun. It least it is off my conscience.

IMO you are doing the right thing and what should be done.

As you say, there are clearly some separate issues here. Judging by the amount of your original post that you dedicated to explaining the time, money, and energy you expended in the relationship, I can understand how you felt he “owed you at least that much”, but look at it from his side for a minute and give him the benefit of the doubt.

When looking at a recreational pursuit like hunting, it’s just natural for many people to see everything that is done in association with that hobby as “fun” for the person who actually does it. It’s just human nature, I think, that some don’t appreciate fully that a sport like hunting is equal measures enjoyment and freaking HARD work. However…

It’s just the way it is and IMO it will be repaid somewhere, someday. We’d all be better off to be the happy warrior and forget who paid for and who did what when it comes to sporting adventures. Write it in the dust and wait for a rain, because the rain grows everyone’s crops.

Also, IMO the timing may be significant here. In the middle of a pandemic, he asks for the money NOW? Hmmm. What else might be going on that makes him ask NOW? Be mindful that there might be a lot of things he isn’t telling you and that he may really need the lifeline now, both financially and perhaps more in kindness?

Grouse

JMO
I would reimburse him for the gun. You borrowed it. It was your responsibility to make SURE he got it back. That is just me and what I would do.
Wait awhile after you reimburse him then sit down or call and have the chat about all the work you put in for your trips. See what his response is, then decide if you still want to be friends.

Jury is in.

Justin riegel wrote:

On top of a couple completely separate issues I think I grappling more with the question do I even want a friendship with him moving forward. I think not, but I will repay him for the gun. It least it is off my conscience.

I think this is a good resolution. Depending upon the relationship and your personality, it might be worth it to have a discussion about about the one-way nature of your “friendship”. That’s not personally my style, so I’d probably just pay him and cut ties, but in theory, it sounds good.

Like a lot of guys have mentioned, it’s why I hate borrowing things.

At a minimum you owe half, but I would be buying him a gun.

Brian Klawitter wrote:

Jury is in.

I think that’s clearly evident now but I feel there’s more worth mentioning.

Much of what has been advised here seems somewhat contingent on how much the OP values the friendship.

As a matter of honor, would it make a difference if the person who loaned the item was a stranger?

(As a friend I’ll take responsibility for the lost item, but if you weren’t my friend I’d tell you to get lost)?

That does not comply with my personal code of ethics.

And to give some historical context if you wonder if a stranger would ever loan such an item.
Some years ago a complete stranger offered me to be able to borrow his snowmobile so that my daughter’s could use it to complete their safety course. We loaded it on a trailer and I drove off with it.
This person was someone who knew someone else that found out I needed to borrow a sled and was truly being a good guy looking to just help me out.

There was no damage to the sled nor was it lost and I never saw that kind person again after that day.

Moral of the story, take responsibility in doing the right thing regardless if friend or total stranger.

Well said Andy, I was thinking the same thing.

Walleyestudent Andy Cox wrote:

Moral of the story, take responsibility in doing the right thing regardless if friend or total stranger.

Agree completely
“Ethical behavior is doing the right thing when no one else is watching.”

Another thing to think about is – Would you have gone hunting all those times if he hadn’t gone with you, or was the value of spending time with your friend what made all the work you put into it worth it?

If the answer is you wouldn’t have gone as much, than I think you definitely replace the gun.

I would be more worried whos hands the gun ended up in. Should have been reported “lost” way back when and settled up at that time. Like others said, if I borrow something, I return it better than I got it and hand deliver it to the owner, for inspection upon return. (for future scenarios)

You should of replaced the gun years ago in my opinion,It was your responsibility until you handed the gun back to him.

Was out muskie fishing with a buddy who was using one of my custom built rods. We are still not sure how it happened but he dropped it in the lake. After the shock wore off we both were laughing and tried to dredge for it with no luck. He paid for the replacement components to build another rod and replaced the reel. In exchange I gave him a rod leash. We still laugh about that when ever the rod leash gets pulled out of hiding.

He is one of best friends and if that friendship was lost over a couple hundred bucks that would be a sad day.

I agree with others you should offer compensation or another gun.

Put the shoe on the other foot.

Sucks, but if it wasn’t for your need to borrow it, he’d still have his gun.

I would have worked it out when he asked you if you had it. Should have been handled right at the beginning. Just part of borrowing things, and the right thing to do. As a friend, he took the high road in not pushing the issue, hoping you would at the very least ask him how he would like to work it out. Instead you just blew him off hoping that he would forget about it, and now are trying to justify your actions by saying the fact that you took him out hunting should be good enough. Any real friend would have handled this upfront, or at the very least, when he got tired of waiting and called. Instead, you make a posting on here trying to get support for the bad way in which that you handled it. I take friends out fishing all the time, I do not ever ask them to help pay. Usually they will offer, and if we launch where I do not have a pass for, I let them pay for the launch, and am grateful for that. I enjoy the company when out fishing and do not ever expect it to be a cost sharing thing.

I’m a huge believer in karma. Whether the friendship remains or not, I think you are making the right decision in paying him back. This kind of stuff comes back around at some point. Making it right now will keep you on the good side of the line.

James Holst wrote:

You asked for opinions, so here’s mine. When I borrow anything from someone I assume full responsibility for that item until I return it to that person in better condition than I found it in. It went missing and that stinks. In my mind how that happened is irrelevant. So is who paid for what or who did most of the scouting. If it was me, I’d replace it with the next model up and deliver it in person with an apology for not getting it back to him at the end of the trip. But that’s just me. I absolutely HATE the situation you’re in and for that reason I rarely borrow anything from anyone.

Can’t say much more than that.

If I brought two guns on a hunt or anywhere else I would make darn sure I went home with two. Not your fault.

In a vacuum I’d take the side of the OP. I have a couple friends that are similar and it drives me crazy. How can you not pay any attention to detail, even to the point of your own gun? Regardless who used it that day, it was still your buddies responsibility IMO. I know if it was my gun, I’d keep track of it.

In the end…… the conclusion is the same. If you want to keep the friendship……..

I would Offer to purchase a replacement gun. If he’s looking for a cash pay out, 50-70% of replacement value

Buy him a new gun , then arrange a hunt and ask him to borrow it LOL Seriously I have loaned things out and never got them back , some things I had to pursue to get back . I have a select few friends or relatives I trust . Even then crap happens . Always make it a point when borrowing anything to return it , no worse shape . A buddy loaned me a portable generator made sure it was full when I returned it , stuff like that shows respect and it just the right thing to do .Good luck on whatever you decide .

David Blais wrote:

I would Offer to purchase a replacement gun. If he’s looking for a cash pay out, 50-70% of replacement value

I need to hear your reasoning behind that idea. Are you an insurance agent? Lol

SuperDave1959 wrote:

I need to hear your reasoning behind that idea. Are you an insurance agent? Lol

Coletrain27 wrote:

<div class=”d4p-bbt-quote-title”>SuperDave1959 wrote:</div>
I need to hear your reasoning behind that idea. Are you an insurance agent? Lol

If he doesn’t have it and his buddy doesn’t have it- it must of been stolen.

The beauty of having all the gear you need is you always at sometime can replace it.
Friends despite their quirks are never replaceable.

lindyrig79 wrote:

In a vacuum I’d take the side of the OP. I have a couple friends that are similar and it drives me crazy. How can you not pay any attention to detail, even to the point of your own gun? Regardless who used it that day, it was still your buddies responsibility IMO. I know if it was my gun, I’d keep track of it.

In the end…… the conclusion is the same. If you want to keep the friendship……..

this is partly my thought but in the end I still think he still has some culpability if he doesn’t for sure remember handing it back to the guy.

But I mean where the hell do you put…a GUN.

My dad and I borrowed a boat when mine was in the shop. he hadsn’t run his boat in a while but I knew it was fine. I changed spark plugs, lower unit oil, and cleaned it in an out and ran it on the river a few times to make sure it was good.

we go on our trip and the boat seats in this thing disintegrate. like fall apart. the marine plywood is gone. we basically are sitting in buckets as all 3 seats are gone. i’m also surprised we didn’t fall through the floor on the front deck. I called him and he was like oh yeah, its sat on the river uncovered the past 2 years. When we got back I cleaned the boat, winterized it for him, bought him a nice gift card for a nice dinner but told him i wasn’t buying him new seats. he got bent out of shape about it! I was a bit miffed. I looked up new lund boat seats and about had a brain aneurysm. and told my wife i’m just buying him like cheap BPS replacements. He calls me a day before I’m set to order them and is like don’t buy the seats. apparently he told his wife and she went off on him.

TheFamousGrouse wrote:

As you say, there are clearly some separate issues here. Judging by the amount of your original post that you dedicated to explaining the time, money, and energy you expended in the relationship, I can understand how you felt he “owed you at least that much”, but look at it from his side for a minute and give him the benefit of the doubt.

When looking at a recreational pursuit like hunting, it’s just natural for many people to see everything that is done in association with that hobby as “fun” for the person who actually does it. It’s just human nature, I think, that some don’t appreciate fully that a sport like hunting is equal measures enjoyment and freaking HARD work. However…

It’s just the way it is and IMO it will be repaid somewhere, someday. We’d all be better off to be the happy warrior and forget who paid for and who did what when it comes to sporting adventures. Write it in the dust and wait for a rain, because the rain grows everyone’s crops.

Grouse

And THAT is why I have always appreciated the grouse. What a great way of putting it. So true. I sometimes feel the same way with certain friends and how much I put into it vs they. This helps out things into perspective.