A Kaden Update……

It’s been getting tougher for Kaden everyday it seems. He’s so strong, but cancer is really taking it’s toll on his little body. It may be days, it may be weeks, but he is still an inspiration to sooo many people. Love you little buddy.

The last couple days have been the same as far as Kaden goes. He primarily spends most of his time in bed resting. He doesn’t have much of an appetite anymore. He asks for a pancake or a waffle and all he eats is about 2-3 bites. He has been doing a good job drinking water and milk though. We have increased his morphine to 0.3mL every 3 hours to see if that helps with his breathing. We don’t see much of a change in his breathing; he moans and groans alot on his exhale. It’s quite loud and pronounced but yet he says he doesn’t feel like he’s working hard to breathe. Such a Kaden!

Another thing we have noticed since increasing the morphine is that he is talking alot in his “sleep”. We’re not sure if this is a side effect from the morphine or if this is the start of his brain being affected by the malfunction of the liver. What he says makes sense it’s just very random. For instance, he mumbled something about going to Wendy’s and another time he yelled out “Love you!” When Logan replied back to him, “Love you too”, he said, “No, I was talking to Momma!” Last night he told Logan “to put him in the monsters mouth so that he stays warm”. We are hoping it’s the morphine that is making him loopy but we wouldn’t be surprised if it was due to the liver not cleansing the blood and toxins starting to build up. If the latter is true then it will only be a matter of time.

Last night I was looking at Kaden’s 4-year old pictures, because I was planning ahead and trying to decide on one for those little cards you give out at the visitation, and I just couldn’t believe that in 15 months we’ve gone from a smiling, energetic little boy to a bedridden boy that barely has the energy to sit up for a drink of water. How did this all happen??? Why did this all happen??? It really makes no sense and doesn’t fully seem like reality. Yesterday when Logan and I were eating lunch I said to him, “We are going to be “those” parents…parents that have lost a child”. Never in a million-gazillion years did I ever think this is where our lives would be. We’re suppose to be excited about getting together with family (because we didn’t get to do that last year) but instead we are watching our son struggle to fight the deadly beast inside of him. Cancer doesn’t recognize holidays!!!! Cancer is definitely the grinch…and it’s a mean one for sure! I was reading posts on Facebook yesterday and everyone was posting pictures of their kids in the snow and making snowmen and I got choked up because Kaden loves playing in the snow and sliding down our trecherous driveway this time of year…but I have no pictures or video of that this year

Over and over again I have had friends and family ask me how I am being so strong and how I can do all of the planning that I have been doing. As far as being strong, I’m not sure where I’m getting the strength from right now. Maybe it’s the tiny breakthrough moments that Kaden has that allow me to remain steadfast. I’ll admit I’m annoyed with myself sometimes because in a way I feel like I’m being less of a Mom because I’m not bawling all the time. As far as the planning goes, it gives me a strange sense of comfort to know that I’ve gotten things lined up in advance. I don’t like last minute planning; I’ve never procrastinated so why start now? In fact, our fall semester just ended today but yesterday I had 99% of my online class for spring ready to go. I don’t know what state I’ll be in during the aftermath so I figured while my brain is still clear I should get it done. And I have a sense of relief now because of it! I also looked into hotels for those of you that will be traveling here from a distance in the near future. I don’t have all of the information yet but it’s looking like either the DoubleTree or Best Western Soldiers Field are going to give us a good deal (thank you MB!!!). I will pass along the information when I need to but both are very nice hotels and are close to Macken funeral home and Church of the Resurrection.

Our hospice nurse will be here shortly so I will wrap this up. I know I’ve mentioned some dismal things today but it’s reality and no matter how much it sucks, we have to face it.

I’d like to thank the Harrison family for their wonderful chili on Wednesday! It was perfect on our snow day! I’d also like to thank Logan’s boss, Phil Wheeler, for dropping off some of his “famous” fudge. I think it’s a “I’ll have fudge for breakfast kind of day”! Yes, I know it’s almost noon…but I haven’t had breakfast yet!!

One of my brother in laws is a funeral director/owner here in SE WI. From the years of being around him, I have heard so many times the exact questions you stated ” How did this all happen??? Why did this all happen??? It really makes no sense and doesn’t fully seem like reality”.

There really is no short answer that I am aware of. But if I may, I would like to share this. Last night, the tail end of the snow storm arrived here with winds in the 25 to 30+ mph with gusts into the 40’s. That was proceeded by 15″ or so of wet sloppy, slushy snow and a sudden drop in temperature. As we sat down to eat dinner, a quick flicker of the lights…and gone. Power was out.
A very trivial thing we take for granted. As I gathered up the candles, flashlights, and other necessities it became a laughter session of watching my daughters flip a switch, push a button on a remote, and just do what we do every day without thinking. Somewhere in that laughter, an internal switch was flipped in me. The carefree fun Dad became the survivalist and defender of our home. My kids probably thought they were thrown into boot camp in the Marines. I barked orders of getting everything in order for the night with no heat, limited water, and to a certain degree, shut off from society.
As my daughters curled up on a sectional and fell asleep, I had less and less of a desire to go to sleep myself. It was a constant get up check the thermostat for heat loss, check how cold the pipes at the kitchen sink were, and simply a night of patrol.
I guess I could have gotten angry at Mother Nature. I could have gotten mad at my wife for not buying the extra things I asked her to during her last trip to the store. I could have gotten mad at myself for storing my generator at my farm (110 miles away)….and that list could go on and on. But I did think a lot about all the stories/updates about Kaden that I have read so far. Wondered what I would have to do differently if I had a child in that situation. I sat for awhile with the flickering candles burning and just watched my daughters sleep. Maybe it sounds weird, I don’t know. But last night was a HUGE reminder to me that the health and safety of my girls isn’t to be taken for granted. I get so focused on fishing, hunting, work, and sometimes don’t stop to fully enjoy the ride. I don’t mean to imply that my family was in grave danger last night. But anytime power is lost in winter and your snowed in, it’s a bad situation. But thinking of Kaden’s story kept my mind in the right place to ensure my girls had that sense of ease.
ANYONE that is a parent that has been reading Kaden’s updates will have that in their mind. There is no explanation why, or who has to suffer such a burden. I do pray that it brings you a little bit of peace to know there are “those parents” that this is affecting in such a positive way to love our kids a little more, be a little more patient with them, and simply wanting to be a better parent. It brings a huge amount of tears to my eyes to even try to comprehend what your enduring with this. Please know Kaden will live on with each of us who cares.
As always, your family is in our thoughts and prayers and may God continue to bring you strength.