A first for me as a father

I’ve enjoyed so many great “first” experiences with my kids and know so many more are yet to come. However, today I’m being tested I think. My oldest daughter(6) has had problems with a little boy ever since she started school this year. At first I wrote it off as she is probably as much to blame as him. However, in the last two weeks she has gotten off the bus with minor bruises on her neck and face from this kid. Apparently today he punched her.

We have of course informed the school. They are working a resolution. While it sounds simple, there are multiple schools and ages of kids on this bus. The protective father in me says it’s time to have a conversation with this kid’s parents. The other part of me says I’m simply gonna teach Jocelyn how to defend herself. Then there is the devil in me….

So, what have or do you Dads do in this situation?

Well the devil in me has always told Gunner if he is getting beat up he is to fight back but never to hit anyone first So when he was in 2nd grade I guess a 4th grader was picking on him ( he told me about it ) and I said has he hit you ? Nope just picks … I said well if he hits you take him out and I will take care of it after that So about a week later the 4th grader popped him one and Gunner kicked that crap out of him I was called to the school and told them all what I had told him to do ( fight back if you feel you are going to get hurt by this kid ) They then kicked the other kid out of school for a week and Gunner was let go with nothing …..

If talking to the school or to the parents don’t work, I have told my daughters the same thing my father told me. If you continued to be bullied, you have to defend yourself, and there are no rules when it comes to the fight. You do what ever it takes…claw, bite, punch whatever. Now that might not be politically correctness these days, but bullies get away with murder in my opinion. Now if I find out that one of my daughters started the fight, that’s when they’ll have to answer to me.

Sorry to hear that about your little girl.

well first thing first. you did the right thing notifying the school. i had this same problem with my daughter and a boy at school, the school ended up taking care of it and we havnt had the same problem again.
as dads we are perhaps a bit more protective of our baby girls and i was ready to put the fear of god in the boy.
we hear so much more about bullying these days and schools are VERY VERY hard on the kids that are doing it, at least here in southern mn. if for some reason the school doesnt take care of it then i would talk to the bus driver then maybe a call to the kids parents, and then well, just dont end up in jail.

While I don’t have any little ones, I was undersized and shy when I was in elementary and jr high. The best thing I did was make friends with older, bigger kids. They would ward off any bullies or idiots. This may sound crazy, but if the traditional methods fail, find some older boy to rough up your problem kid. You obviously can’t touch him yourself, but twenty bucks can go a long way if you know what I mean.

Sorry to about the bully when “TOP HEAVY” changed schools in about 3rd grade there were some kids picking on him When the traditional methods failed I told him he could take care of it Well the next day I pulled up to the school to pick him up and a teacher came out holding him by his ear I calmly told her that I had given him permission to handle the problem and that was it.
well When “TOP HEAVY” got to be a junior in high school Some one decided to hit him with a 2×4. When all was said and done the kid that hit him with the 2×4 had lost several teeth this time things didn’t go so well Kicked out of school, had to sit out a few football games and then there were the assault charges that we had to deal with community service and pay for new teeth for the little that started the fight I guess what I’m saying is what was OK for him to do in elementary school wasn’t the right thing to do in High School. That being said I am proud that he stood up for himself

when my kids were young ( 1 daughter, 1 son) i ALWAYS told them they had the right to defend them selves no matter what. well when my daughter was in second grade there was a boy at school who kept picking on her, finally one day she had a enough and beat the kid up ( i also taught them HOW to defend them selves) the parents of the boy were not happy. i told them that if they didn’t want there son getting beat up by girls he should leave them alone. i think thats when the embarisment set in. end of store.

SOrry to hear about this. I have a few little one’s just entering school and I think about this kind of stuff too. I firmly believe that you need to teach kids how to defend themselves both verbally or physically. If they don’t it could tailspin into a very bad thing. I had older brothers so I didn’t have much to worry about. But I saw the bully thing happen and I still think about that to this day, how it shaped those kids for life. Terrible things and if I ever find out my kid is doing the picking there’s gonna be some serious H*ll to pay.

Sorry to hear your daughter is having these problems. Hopefully the school can take care of it. I dont think dealing with parents of a bully would do much good, if they were good parents the kid wouldn’t be bullying anyone.

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Sorry to hear your daughter is having these problems. Hopefully the school can take care of it. I dont think dealing with parents of a bully would do much good, if they were good parents the kid wouldn’t be bullying anyone.

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Slow that train down…..it’s very real that there is the “home child” and then there’s the “someplace else” child. I have a nephew, all grown up now, that was the sweetest, innocent faced, and calm demeanored kid any of us new. Sis got a call from the school when he was only in 1st grade for picking a fight. Same thing in second grade. And then 3rd! This stuff was never allowed at home, he was taught better than that, and he never exhibited violent behaviors with anyone in the neighborhood. He had AWESOME parents who do happen to possess very high quality parenting skills. That problem finally resolved when a teacher observed older kids picking on him to the point of breaking. He’d go after them, they’d cry to the teachers, and my nephew would take the rap. The problem continued, but on a lesser level, through grades 4 and 5. His family moved from Lake Elmo, MN to Hudson, WI and he never had a problem with anyone there.

You can’t just up and blame parenting without knowing the facts.

My own son tends to be one of those “loner” kids. Two years ago, I got the call that he threatened to beat up some other kid. You can bet the problem was immediately addressed and the message of consequence was well delivered. He hasn’t done it since.

Any kid can fall to outside influences and I believe every kid is a little different at school than they are at home.

Kooty, you’ve taken the proper first step but if the problem doesn’t go away immediately, feel free to contact the parents and offer a sit down visit. Let them know you’re not there to lay blame but to get to the bottom of things and see if the four of you can agree on a resolve.

The only problem is that nobody comes into this world with an owners manual so there’s no blueprint to follow. Just keep your cool, kill ’em with kindness. The time and place for “a big stick” exists, but only if the problem continues and you receive no cooperation. And yeah, teaching her self-defense is also a very good idea. Life is sometimes cruel and a little preparation can go a long way. Here’s hoping that all of this works out very soon.

I hope you get the problem fixed some day that little boy that wants to pick on other people will learn. That there is always someone bigger, and badder than he is that is not afraid to cross his path.

Kooty, do your kids go to the same school as mine? I could have Ben look after her

My daughter who now is in the 2nd grade had a problem with a boy at the end of the last school year. I told her if he keep messing with her after she had a talk with the teacher then she would just need to handle the situation herself. Well lets just say that the 2 previous years of Karate sparring was money well spent. I really ended up feeling rather bad for the kid. I can hear all the other boy’s teasing him after that day

Most bullies are bigger and stronger than your child so telling them to fight back may distant your child from you because now they feel ashamed. There are other ways.

Encourage and help your child find a friend that they can be with when the bullying is happening. Teach your child what bullies thrive on – they want a reaction from their victim. Teach them the power of a poker face and the ability to walk away. Practice scenarios with your child so they know what to do in that situation. What should they do? What should they say if anything? Who should they talk to? Where should they go? Teach them to be smarter than their bully and most importantly tell them you are proud of them because they are communicating the situation with you.