friday humor

  • TazTyke
    Central Minnesota
    Posts: 473
    #664835

    After last nights Devil performance with the Canadians. The Devils can’t have much wind left in their sails. Boy did the Devils have their handed to them and they played as hard as they could to the end. Marty is second guessing his abilities in the net after last nights 0-4 loss. I say the Wild has the chance to win this one by 3 goals. I hope so because I have at least 2 play off games to go to this year if they don’t screw this up.

    Go Wild

    mplspug
    Palmetto, Florida
    Posts: 25026
    #664926

    The Wild have not faired well this year coming out of a 3 day break. We lost to the Hurricanes on the second of a back to back for them. Although the Hurricanes also have been hot lately. Hopefully they will turn it around, but you can hope in one hand and poop in the other; you know the old saying.

    Let’s jut put it this way. For the first time in 7 seasons I am happy that they are not televised. Hopefully they play a great game and win, boosting their confidence the rest of way.

    Fife
    Ramsey, MN
    Posts: 4044
    #664953

    I’m predicting a Wild win by more than 1 goal. I’ll be sitting club level cheering them on. It’ll be fun to see Paul Martin back home and Zack Parise even though he was a Fighting Sioux.

    mark_johnson
    St. Croix River
    Posts: 940
    #665050

    Quote:


    For the first time in 7 seasons I am happy that they are not televised.



    Arent they on FSN-N tonight….?

    kooty
    Keymaster
    1 hour 15 mins to the Pond
    Posts: 18101
    #665056

    Paul is my neighbor’s first cousin. This is his first “trip” home in a long time.

    HuntNFish58
    Posts: 65
    #206351

    Try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!
    > >
    > > Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased
    > > his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:
    > >
    > > Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my
    > > interest.
    > >
    > > The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little
    > > something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a
    > > 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer.
    > >
    > > The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no
    > > long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time
    > > to retreat to safety….??
    > >
    > > WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I
    > > loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
    > > Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the
    > > button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I’d
    > > get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the
    > > prongs.
    > >
    > > AWESOME!!!
    > >
    > > Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is
    > > on the face of her microwave.
    > >
    > > Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that
    > > it couldn’t be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?
    > >
    > > There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently
    > > (trusting little soul)while I was reading the directions and thinking
    > > that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving
    > > target.
    > >
    > > I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a
    > > second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But,
    > > if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself
    > > against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as
    > > advertised. Am I wrong?
    > >
    > > So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses
    > > perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand,
    > > and tazer in another.
    > >
    > > The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient
    > > your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms
    > > and a major loss of bodily control; and a three-second burst would
    > > purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of
    > > water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the
    > > batteries.
    > >
    > > All the while I’m looking at this little device measuring about 5″
    > > long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy
    > > AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, ‘no
    > > possible way!’
    > >
    > > What happened next is almost beyond description, but I’ll do my best …
    > >
    > > I’m sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one
    > > side so as to say, ‘Don’t do it stupid,’ reasoning that a one second
    > > burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn’t hurt all that bad. I
    > > decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I
    > > touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and …
    > >
    > > HOLY MOTHER OF GOD .. . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE ….!!!
    > >
    > > I’m pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up
    > > in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and
    > > over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the
    > > fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples
    > > on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under
    > > my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs!
    > >
    > > The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging
    > > to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an
    > > attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the
    > > living room..
    > >
    > > Note: If you ever feel compelled to ‘mug’ yourself with a tazer, one
    > > note of caution: there is NO such thing as a one second burst when you
    > > zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged
    > > from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! A three
    > > second burst would be considered conservative!
    > >
    > > A minute or so later (I can’t be sure, as time was a relative thing at
    > > that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and
    > > surveyed the landscape.
    > >
    > > My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The
    > > recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it
    > > originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still
    > > twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my
    > > bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.
    > >
    > > Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for
    > > sure, and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above
    > > my head, which I believe came from my hair. I’m still looking for my
    > > testicles and I’m offering a significant reward for their safe return!
    > >
    > > P.S… My wife can’t stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and
    > > now regularly threatens me with it!
    > >
    > > If you think education is difficult, try being stupid !!!
    > >
    > > ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS.

    lick
    Posts: 6443
    #75773

    john_steinhauer
    p4
    Posts: 2998
    #75774

    thats funny i can just picture my friends wife has on and them small batteries well yeah they do pack a lil bit of a punch to say the least

    robstenger
    Northern Twin Cities, MN
    Posts: 11374
    #75779

    Thanks for sharing!

    ragerunner
    Winona, MN
    Posts: 699
    #75785

    I’m still crying…

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