How do you handle this one?

So here’s the scenario, my brother came up to do some fishing with his son, He didn’t want to get up early on the first morning to go fishing so they stayed behind and my dad and I fished until noon and came back. Back at the cabin, him and his son are ripping around on my two Yamaha grizzly four wheelers that I did NOT give them permission to drive. I had just put new Maxxis Zola mud tires on both machines. Turns out they went about a mile down the paved road and back doing over 60 mph. One of the four wheelers got so heated up that the spark plug burned up after he was done riding it (I replaced the plug and it’s running, but does not idle like it used to). I was pissed, obviously where to the tires and unknown damage to an engine, I had not cleaned out the air boxes and they were full of acorns and crap because it had sat for an about a month. I’m a bit pissed off, am I overreacting?

I’d slap my brother and his kid. Why not let them hear it. Teach a little respect.

If they overheated it, it is likely you have some head gasket damage. I would be pissed as hell!

Younger brother im taking it? I think you’re justified. Figure out the cost to repair and send him a bill

Not defending then using the wheelers without permission, but a 1 mile rip at 60 should not be the root cause of engine damage in a Yamaha. Something was already going on with that machine.

In the future, I’d remove the keys.

Depends on the history, if I had told them they were not allowed to drive without my permission, then I’d read them the riot act and discuss monetary compensation if I thought that would make it right. If I had given them permission to use the 4 wheelers previously and it was established that was fine, then that’s your/my own fault for not telling them not to now. In either scenario, is it worth damaging your relationship with your brother and nephew over some minor damage?

I’d tell him you’re hot under the collar about it, tell him the truth. But also realize you can’t replace family, so try and end the conversation on a good note if you can. And next time he comes up go over ground rules first or hide the keys.

If you have to hide keys from kids in the family then there is more issues then engine damage. Being scared to discipline kids in the family is a joke.

What was your brother’s response to your reaction when you got back or found out? If he’s genuinely sorry and confused that’s one thing. If he knew better or had some smart @$$ response it’d not end well.

If they’ve been green-lighted to ride them before in any capacity, I’m with BigWerm. If they’ve never touched the wheelers before or asked permission for anything related to them, I’d be angry and let him know how dumb he is.

My brother totaled a vehicle of mine probably 7-8 years ago now. He had permission to use it and whatnot but he still felt bad about it even after it went through his insurance and I had a fair check in my hand within a week. He went out of his way to buy me a GLoomis rod and threw me $100 to pick out a reel to pair with it for my troubles.

Yeah, I would NEVER just take something out that isnt mine. I guess I was raised different. I would be ticked too. I would say if there is anything ruined he should get the bill. A 1 mile drive shouldnt really do much unless they did it from when they woke up until you got back.

The only thing about the 1 mile ride was that it was down the paved road with brand new mud tires, so far I’ve found two lugs that were ripped up and i’m sure there’s a lot of rubber left on that pavement, a lot less on my tires. They were beating on them for about 2 1/2 hours, he said it was no big deal that he took them out without my permission, unfortunately he’s the kind of guy that doesn’t give a poop about other people’s equipment and, if given the chance, he will beat the snot out of it.

I took him and my nephew out fishing for the weekend, he showed up with absolutely nothing, paid for no bait, paid for absolutely no gas, paid for absolutely no food, then left without saying thanks.

Norsky wrote:

I took him and my nephew out fishing for the weekend, he showed up with absolutely nothing, paid for no bait, paid for absolutely no gas, paid for absolutely no food, then left without saying thanks.

Im sorry, this just adds to the problem here. I certainly wouldnt be inviting them again.

CaptainMusky wrote:

I certainly wouldnt be inviting them again.

Same, that’s the end of that with bro and nephew.

^Yes. The 4 wheelers’ wear is only one of the issues involved in this situation…and it’s minor compared to the other.

I’d give him a chance to make it right being he is family. Personally it wouldn’t be about the money but rather admitting wrongdoing and stupidity while apologizing. If he shrugs it off…then I’d shrug off the idea of inviting him to any of your property. Don’t be afraid to have the conversation with your nephew present. He’s likely going to need some education on how to treat other peoples’ stuff too if his father was alright with doing this.

Hide your keys always. I too have learned it the hard way.

I’d wait a week and then write separate letters to both him and the kid. To your brother for not asking permission and beating on your stuff and to the kid for the proper way to respect others belonging.

In the brothers letter it would be clear that he is welcome to visit but he doesn’t come empty handed, doesn’t abuse the property or your stuff. I would be friendly but firm. If he takes offense and is pissed so be it. I hate people who say “it’s no big deal”, if it wasn’t a big deal I wouldn’t have mentioned it.

Give it a cooling down period and then write the letters.

FWIW I would be done with him but I tend to be more of a a$$hole then others.

Norsky wrote:

I took him and my nephew out fishing for the weekend, he showed up with absolutely nothing, paid for no bait, paid for absolutely no gas, paid for absolutely no food, then left without saying thanks.

Next time he wants to come up, tell him you’re busy.

Your bro isn’t gonna give u a noogy followed up w an atomic wedgie, tell him ur POd and go from there

Maybe invite him up, then make sure there’s no beer or pop in the fridge, no food, the wheelers are in storage, three boat is low on gas, and you forgot your wallet at home.

I wouldn’t talk to my brother if he did disrespectful poop like that.

What is your Dad’s opinion on this? Not his responsibility to get involved but I wouldn’t let one of my son’s treat the other like that for a second. I’d tell my brother exactly why I’m pissed. And unless he’s 5 times bigger than me, I’m in his face and letting him know what he owes me to make it right or he can forget about coming to my place again.

I’m sorry, some people don’t feel any responsibility for anything anymore, but I shouldn’t have to worry about it coming between us. I think he already made that decision by disrespecting me and my things.

I’m still on the side of slapping both of them. And they wouldn’t be invited ever again. I’d send him a bill for 8 new tires and I’d probably say some not so kind words. Not to bash your brother but that’s the kind of guy I’d say is a total price, or a spoiled brat.

I’ve hid the keys on many a quad and dirt bike, family are worse than strangers in some instances, I’d politely tell them that it was wrong what they did and never allow them on anything again. I’d definitely be pissed. Was this new behavior though for your brother?

Take his vehicle and beat the pi$$ out of it for the same amount of time. He will not learn until he experiences payback.
Family is the worst, no sense in trying to keep the peace.
I know from experience. I do not have any contact with my 3 brothers for various reasons.

I had a similar thing happen. I left my Yamaha Kodiak at the cabin and told the FIL he could use it if needed. When we went back up it was full of mud and on empty. My FIL doesn’t mud but he let his 19yr old employee use it. He drove it 10 miles on dirt/paved roads at who knows how fast and went mudding with it.(it had mud tires on it but that’s not the point) I was pissed and said so. He and his employee washed it and filled it up. I took the key when we left that weekend. Some people just don’t have respect for what’s not theirs and you need say something even if it falls on deaf ears.

At some point in the future, a week, a month or maybe a year from now I hope you find that family is more important than stuff.

-J.

Jon Jordan wrote:

At some point in the future, a week, a month or maybe a year from now I hope you find that family is more important than stuff.

-J.

It is, but discipline and letting them understand the issue is still perfectly fine.

Jon Jordan wrote:

At some point in the future, a week, a month or maybe a year from now I hope you find that family is more important than stuff.

-J.

I agree to a point but just because someone is family it doesn’t give them the right to do what they want and be forgiven without consequences. If it was a friend that did this would the advice be the same?

Bearcat89 wrote:

It is, but discipline and letting them understand the issue is still perfectly fine.

Agreed! I dont pay money for things only to have someone else trash it without my permission to even use it. I was preparing to leave for an ice fishing trip one night and a buddy was over. We had like 2 feet of snow on the ground and he took my ATV down the ditch and hit a culvert tweaking the frame, bending the rim and popping the tire. The next day I had to go find a new rim and tire and finish getting ready for the trip. Not even a sorry from him or offer to pay for anything.

Dang, some of you guys are tough on people.
I could definitely see something similar to this happening to me with my family.
If he knew what he was doing then let him have it, but people don’t know what they don’t know. If they honestly thought that they were having completely harmless fun then I’d probably just inform them on what harm, did or could have, happened. If they didn’t offer to reimburse or make things right, I’d come right out and say that it is what is expected. And finally, remind them that if they would have just asked to go for a ride this would have all been avoided.
I would have expected your Dad to rip into them on the spot if he was there. Seems like something that should have been covered many times before adulthood.
It’s not too late to call him up and explain your frustrations but it probably should have been addressed immediately so everyone could move on and enjoy your time together.