Divorced Dad Help

Alright I am going to ask for a little help here. I have looked for awhile now on the internet and it seems like everyone wants money to answer a few questions………..

So here goes,

I am divorced and I dont get to see my girl hardly as much as I want to. I get her every other Thursday to Sunday. But in my papers I “Should” be able to have her 2 more nights a month or I can use those days during my weekends.

My X does not let this happen!

My daughter is almost 3 and is super smart and talks like a big girl. I try to call her all the time to tell her goodnight before bed and that I love her. The X never lets me talk to her.

And the kicker is this weekend is Fathers day. I have been asking her by text and phone message what time I can pick my girl up to go fishing with me and her grandpa. No response. Even though in our papers I get her for Fathers day.

The last thing is that I pay child support even though the X makes almost double than what I do.

Not trying to be a sap but I know there has to be a few guys on here that have or are going through these sames things.

I have to have some rights. Just because I am a man does not take that fact away.

What can I do?

Any help would be AWESOME! I just want to spend more time with my girl!!

Thanks

Wow. What a ^%@! disaster. I hope someone can answer these for you and get you set up. Good luck to ya–

Do you have a (legal aid) branch up there, they answer questions down here for free plus they help people in need on most legal things.

I’m in a similar situation with even weaker visitation rights.

It’s difficult. I’m lucky in that the ex is pretty cooperative if I’ve got a plan. Hope fully as we each find new lives, it will get better.

Changing your situation?? Very tuff if the wife wants to be difficult. You will have to bring action and challenge her in court. $500 minimum, I’d guess. If you are broke, like me, then there are legal aid options.

Good luck and give a buzz if you want to talk. Maybe we could take our girls fishing together!!

I’m thinking a local or county child support agent could help you out. If not, seek on the state level. I wish you A great dads day with the daughter. Did I say State

If it states in your divorce decree what you have said about Fathers Day etc. Then she is in contempt of court, and you have legal rights to drag her as- into court and have them uphold the visitation rights.

Good Luck Divorce is never fun or easy.

Document everything, documentation says worlds in court.

While I am neither divorced or a dad, like said, document all this. All dates and times where she is snubbing you and the judge. If she can’t be civil, then take her back to court. You may even get your wish of more visitation, if she pizzes off the judge enough, by ignoring court orders. Also it wouldn’t hurt to call the local sheriff on thursday night and tell them your daughter is being with held from you… this would be sneaky, but in your right. Have the court papers in hand. Police reports are great in court Good luck.

big G

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I’m thinking a local or county child support agent could help you out.

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Have to LOL at that one.

I went through the same bull. If you don’t have the resources, like I didn’t, it would be tough. I don’t know what to tell you. When I went through it I basically just took it. As everyone has said, document everything, I mean everything, because later on when you have the resources you will have it and you can get yourself a sweeter deal if you want to try.

If it is anything like what I went through, at this stage she just wants to make you miserable and have control. So whatever you do, don’t show her how upset it makes you. Be the adult when you make requests that are within the agreement and if she fights it or says no, let it go. You can be persistent, just don’t get into arguments or anything where you might say something that she could document.

You might have to just bite it for a while and be patient. If she knows she’s not getting to you, she might become more accommodating. I am not saying let it go on for the next 15 years though. But a couple months might be worth it.

For me, over time she got over her game playing over time and I got every other weekend and every Tuesday and Thursday evening. Of course, I did all the driving amd work.

As for bringing in the Sheriff or any aggressive moves, I would be careful. You don’t poke a tiger with a stick.

Also remember, things are in her favor in the courts eyes since she has custody. Sometimes they don’t need documentation, just a believable lie and a sympathetic judge.

I went through mediation and the courts and believe me, I know how slanting things still are today.

Good luck brother. If you want any advice or thoughts offline, PM me anytime.

Good luck, Im in a similar situation, and things do seem to get better with time. Hopefully the same happens for you.

As was stated, document everything. A good website to check out is iowafathers.com, I know its iowa based but there are some things on there that you might be able to relate to.

When I got divorced back in 98, the best I could get for placement was 42% of the time. I wanted 50% but the ex was fighting it and I ran out of lawyer money. Eventually, about 8 years later, I was able to get more time, but it was a battle. I ended up getting more time by first “just trying it out” with 50/50 placement, while still forking over $800 a month for support. After 6 months of trying it out, the ex agreed to let me daughter decide if she wanted to go equal time with both since she was 13. My daughter responded with “Gee mom, I’ve wanted to do that all along, you know that”. I thought I would see flames shoot out of my ex’s head, but it didn’t happen. That made the 6 months of support for nothing worth it all. My daughter turns 18 in 3 weeks, and I can’t wait. It will cut way back on the amount of contact I am forced to have with the ex.

Moral of the story is don’t give up. Look for free legal help if the ex isn’t abiding by the current placement agreement. The courts don’t go lightly on that and it will help make your case for more time. It’s a long road, and before you know it, your daughter will be off to college. Get as much time as you can now.

Like Iowa, Wisconsin has a website for fathers. http://www.wisconsinfathers.org

My guess is Minnesota has something similar. There was some good help for me on the Wisconsin one.

yep as others have said bring the judge a book. Date times what was said by both sides. where ect.

Also bringing in a LEO is probably going to complicate things. I am not a lawyer but have seen this happen a bunch of times. Unless a crime is being committed it is a civil matter so the LEO’s cant do anything tho help. Sorry and good luck. Hopefully she comes to her senses.

To be clear…I am not saying a sheriff will do anything, to help, other than maybe a sheriffs report.

big G

col,

I feel your pain. I have been through this crap and it is not very fun. I can tell you that if you have court papers that say you are supposed to have physical placement on fathers day you can call the county sheriff in the county your papers were drawn up in and report that she is withholding your child. She will be held in contempt of court and will most likely not do it again.

The best advice I can give you came to me from an older friend of mine who I would often vent to during the rough part of our separation/custody battle. “Kill her with kindness” I don’t know about you but I am a pretty excitable guy. It ain’t easy to do all the time and there are times you have to stand your ground but if you can use kill her with kindness whenever possible the situation will turn your way. She will have no power against you because you will take it all away. Sounds kind of cheezy but I am proof it works.

Good Luck, and I hope you get to see your daughter on Father’s day!

Where do you live? City & State?

Wow thanks for all the relpys guys that is some great info! I live in St. Paul but all my divorce stuff happened in Anoka County. So I am assuming that I need to handle all the “stuff” with that county.

I hope it gets better with time but its been almost 2 years now. Sometimes its hard to stay postive.

I don’t get how dad’s get the shaft most of the time………………..

Thanks again going to get the ball rolling on Monday. I called a divorced dad’s thing I found on the net. I am going to stop at the courthouse and file to try to get extra time with Madelyn. The worst the judge can say is no.

Hang in there sir! Just by making the effort you are documenting how much you care for your daughter which can only help you in the long run.

dd

Back in the late ’90’s a co-worker was in a similar situation. He and two others designed a website that has been used in almost all states and many countries around the world. It is http://www.ourfamilywizard.com. The website is a scheduling and communication tool for any family, but has been used as a monitoring tool by divorce courts. It costs each parent a small monthly fee for membership. Communication is monitored to assure civility. The schedule is set. Occasional schedule changes can be discussed and agreed to or not. Whether this interests you or not I will agree with the others that recommended to document any issues you have. Keep it professional and civilized, but accurate!!! I have seen several instances where one parent will try to manipulate the situation to their advantage. By all means you need to stand up for what is agreed to. If you are looking for something different it needs to be addressed in court. Best of luck, and maintain a great relationship with your daughter.