Struggling

Morning, all. I know this isn’t a counseling site, but I know many of you have dealt with loss, too.

I am just getting back to work after 2 terrible weeks. My 18 year old son was killed in an accident on his way back to college. He was everything a dad could want in a son. My wife, daughter and I all share a strong faith, so we know he is safe, but the hole he left behind is going to take a long time to fill.

Anyone have things that worked for them in dealing with something like this? I know time will help, and we have many great memories, but I also mourn for what might of been…the daughter-in-law I’ll never have, the grandkids I won’t get to spoil.

Any ideas are welcomed. Thanks guys.

Sorry to hear about your loss. I think you have made a great step. You are letting folks know how you feel. Letting your feelings known and not letting things build up inside. Best wishes for you and your family.

I have no answers for you except to hold to your faith in God. It truly is a parents worse nightmare and your family will be in my prayers for the weeks and months ahead. I know I will hug my son a little tighter the next time I see him because of this post. I am sure I speak for everyone on this site when I say if there is anything we can do to help please let us know.

I don’t have any firsthand experiences to share but after sitting here and trying to imagine what that must be like, here’s some ideas that popped into my head.

Donate some of that college money to a cause he was passionate about, in his name. Plant a tree this spring or do something in the yard that reminds you happily of him. When my uncle passed too young, my grandfather put up a bell tower at our church that still rings today.

I’m sure none of these makes any immediate impact, but please know we are all thinking of you and your family!

Eric

Take it a day at a time. It does get easier. I lost my 22 year old brother-in-law in 08′. He was the only boy in the family with 3 older sisters and was probably going to take over the farm operation some day. He was riding motocross and doing “one last lap” before he had to clean up for a wedding. From what we know, he landed short, crashed, and had a compound fracture of the femur. His buddy put him in the back of a pickup and drove to the nearest hospital. That hospital transferred to a bigger hospital where they put a rod in his leg and all seemed to be well. It got infected, the hospital failed to treat him correctly and he was flown to hospital #3 (Rochester) where he underwent several surgeries and eventually passed in the ICU.

Im glad you are a faithful person. I know it really helped my inlaws and I get thru the unimagionable.

A quote that I will never forget from the day of the funeral was from the pastor, he said: “You truely are a good and faithful family.” I had never seen a pastor cry at a funeral until that day.

I try to remember the good times I had with him and miss him alot. He was the closest thing to a brother that I had. I believe I got him more into hunting and fishing. He borrowed my gun to take his first deer, a very nice 10 pointer, bigger than anything that I have shot. That deer mount is now one of my most cherrished possessions.

My family went through something close to this, details not important. By all means get some counselling. We went 1st as a family and then as individuals. Some needed more than others. So go that route 1st, especially if you can’t shake the depression. 2nd, if the counsellors recommends Zoloft or such don’t be afraid to use them. My wife was on them for about 2 years and they do help. You are doing the right thing by reaching out. Prayers for you and your family.

1ST off you have my condolences.
Keep your faith strong as I am sure this is challenging.God can see more than us and maybe saved him from something far worse.
I will keep you in my prayers and I think your faith will also give you wisdom.

I lost a son Aug 1990. He would have been 36 in Sept. Had 4 children he left behind. I had 2 other sons and 4 daughters. It didn’t make his death any easier. I still miss him. It does leave a hole in you. But I know he is with God, and also at my side when I am in need of help. There have been times when I should have had a serious car accident and has been diverted. I feel it was my son who prevented it from happening. Your son will also be with you where ever you go. You may not be able to see him or touch him but he will be there. Remember the good memorries you have had together.

Hang in there, don’t be afraid to speak with a professional-or the pastor in your church. The what would have been situations are going to take some time to work through, but I know people that have found great comfort in thanking God for every moment they DID get with their child especially when they pass at such a young age, and it seems impossible to understand why they are gone now. Prayers already sent.

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. By all means get some counselling. if the counsellors recommends Zoloft or such don’t be afraid to use them. My wife was on them for about 2 years and they do help. You are doing the right thing by reaching out. Prayers for you and your family.

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I had a really close friend commit suicide not the same situation but he was like a brother to me. And my grandpa died all within about 3 months he was my hunting and fishing inspiration and the person I choose to model my life after. I was a wreck. I found out that self medicating only makes things worse. I went to church for the first time looking for something. I found not only faith and a belief but also someone to talk to who always listens no matter what. I also did seek counsling. It helps. Also I did get some help from the doc. They gave me some pills that didnt put me in a fog but really did help.

It is super hard, the memories flood your mind at the weirdest times. A certain smell, a song, a saying, a place, a food, etc. brings those memories pouring back. This happened when I was 24 I am 32 now. For me it has helped to smell those things listen to those songs eat those foods go to those places do the things you used to do.

My Grandpa and I used to hunt every Deer opener with my buddy in MN and WI. Now its just me. But I still do it. Every opening morning I still get up and make a huge breakfast and try to enjoy it. When I get to my stand, you may think I am nuts, but I say to myself “Well guys I know your watching how about this year we take a big one.”

I also think for me I had to find closure. And it was not at the end of a bottle. I am pretty open about it. I think a lot of people are afraid to speak about a loved that has passed away. The best thing I can offer is dont be. They were real. They were here. I got to spend some of my best memories of my life with them. Continue to stay postive. Love yourself and your family and treat each day as a new day!

Not easy to do. And I am not going to lie, that feeling in my gut is still there. Telling me I could have should have would have if only I did………….but I have to remind myself I did and I was there.

Just my experiecne hope that made some sence?

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Morning, all. I know this isn’t a counseling site, but I know many of you have dealt with loss, too.

I am just getting back to work after 2 terrible weeks. My 18 year old son was killed in an accident on his way back to college. He was everything a dad could want in a son. My wife, daughter and I all share a strong faith, so we know he is safe, but the hole he left behind is going to take a long time to fill.

Anyone have things that worked for them in dealing with something like this? I know time will help, and we have many great memories, but I also mourn for what might of been…the daughter-in-law I’ll never have, the grandkids I won’t get to spoil.

Any ideas are welcomed. Thanks guys.

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WOW!!! I can’t begin to imagine your pain! After reading your post and thinking about it and my own son,i truly had tears running down my face. You have got a lot of good advice from the other posters here. My heart goes out to you and your family.—When you feel up to it give me a call for a free guide trip here on pool 4. 651 764 0002 river rat randy.

I honestly cannot think of anything worse then losing a child. My heart goes out to you. My thoughts and prayers are sent your way.

So sorry to hear of your loss. You & your family will be in our thoughts & prayers.

No one should out live their children. How terrible.

If you start to feel depressed, and you will, if it gets bad enough, get some grief counseling either from your minister or a professional.

God Bless, we all feel for you.

Thank you all for the kind wishes and the suggestions. We are leaning on our faith heavily and it’s a good place to lean. God has definitely been with us, and we have been surrounded by people who love and care for us.

His high school has and is planning to do some cool stuff to honor him and keep his memory alive. We plan to do a number of things to remind us of his life. This spring I plan to build a backyard fire pit area where we can “get away” and where his friends can come over and hang out. That’s been hard, too, watching his friends go back to college and move on with their lives–which they have to do–but I want that for my son.

Anyway, sorry for the rambling, but it feels good to “talk” about it, too. Thanks all.

I am actually dealing with it second hand, unfortunately my wife lost her first husband 7 years ago, when my step son was 3 months old. if you wish contact me and we can go into more detail, or if it helps for your wife to contact her that might help her also. I know this is your thread so not trying to push in other directions.

It is a day to day experience as we have gone through the years. as a memory I did have a shadow box made by a co-worker of my step son and his father for him. each day forward is a little achievement, take them as they come and do not force them, as that is in my opinion what makes it harder at times. you will see certain times of year unfortunately are harder then others.

my thoughts and prayers with you in your journey ahead.

Jeff

Sorry to hear about your loss. I lost a great friend this winter in a snowmobile accident. My prayers go out to you and your family.

If you need a grunt to help with the fire pit this summer I will throw my hat in the ring and offer to lend a hand. Let me know

John

So sorry to hear about your loss. I don’t have any words, other than what has been said. Remember the good times…. hold his friends close, they can be a great connection. The day will come when you will remember something that happened, that was funny or would have been funny to your son and you will be able to chuckle again. Time and faith will heal, but do go through the process and if you need help, reach out.

Glen

Prayers sent for strength and guidance,and know that our ears are open if you want to talk

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. He will always be with you and guide you. I am sorry for your loss.

WOW, first of all, my sincere condolences. I can’t imagine what is is to lose a child. I did lose my only brother in ’72, and the thing I remember is the stress it put on my parents. Time is the only thing, and it will never heal, it will just get easier to deal with.

Good luck, Jeff

Peace to you sir. Very sorry to hear of your loss. I am not religious but might find some if I lost one of my boys. They are all that keep me smiling these days. I dread the day they will be old enough to drive.

just remember you have a second family here to lean on, there is some very good advise posted already. You already know he is in God’s hands now, not so comforting now, but everyone is pulling for you.

My heart truly goes out to you. Remember only good memories and celebrate his life! Hold dear those you love and let them know it. Spend as much time as possible with the people you love, so if they are taken early, you know you didn’t waste any opportunities. Make your loved ones meaningful!!!!! Thoughts and prayers.

My sincere sympathy to you and your family, Please take this to heart,
remember him for all the good things he shared with all of you.God Bless….

My condolences to you and your family, nothing much I can add that hasn’t been said other than maybe don’t be afraid to just sit down and have a good cry or two, time will heal most wounds but it seems letting your emotions out helps too.
Least it did for me.

Al

You have my thoughts and prayers!

Marbleye2 I think you answered your own question on dealing with your loss, you came to IDOfishing to talk about it. The more you talk about your son and the less you try to suppress thinking about him the better you’re going to be in the long run.

Sounds like he was great kid and I would imagine a lot of his life and accomplishments are things to celebrate and share with family.

Take as much time as you need to heal with your wife and daughter, family is always number one priority. Everything else deemed “important” can wait.

Jason