**Baptist Cowboy**

  • Richard V.
    Somewhere over the rainbow
    Posts: 2596
    #1265449

    A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

    The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, ‘You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time.’

    The cowboy replies, ‘Well, you see, I have two brothers.. One is in Arizona , the other is in Colorado .. When we all left our home in Texas , we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I’m drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself.’

    The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

    The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

    One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, ‘I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.’

    The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

    ‘Oh, no, everybody’s just fine, ‘ he explains, ‘It’s just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking.’
    ‘Hasn’t affected my brothers though.’

    fish4fish888
    Wahkon,MN
    Posts: 502
    #828120

    haha now thats a great one

    desperado
    Posts: 3010
    #828164

    COWBOY GOES SHOPPING

    I ain’t much for shopping,

    Or for goin’ into town

    Except at cattle-shipping time,

    I ain’t too easily found.

    But the day came when I had to go –

    I left the kids with Ma.

    But ‘fore I left, she asked me,

    ‘Would you pick me up a bra?’

    So without thinkin’ I said, ‘Sure,’

    How tough could that job be?

    An’ I bent down and kissed her

    An’ said, ‘I’ll be back by three.’

    Well, I done the things I needed,

    But I started to regret

    Ever offering to buy that thing –

    I worked me up a sweat

    I walked into the ladies shop

    My hat pulled over my eyes,

    I didn’t want to take a chance

    On bein’ recognized.

    I walked up to the sales clerk –

    I didn’t hem or haw –

    I told that lady right straight out,

    ‘I’m here to buy a bra.’

    From behind I heard some snickers,

    So I turned around to see

    Every woman in that store

    Was a’gawkin’ right at me!

    ‘What kind would you be looking for?’

    Well, I just scratched my head.

    I’d only seen one kind before,

    ‘Thought bras was bras,’ I said.

    She gave me a disgusted look,

    ‘Well sir, that’s where you’re wrong.

    Follow me,’ I heard her say,

    Like a dog, I tagged along.

    She took me down this alley

    Where bras was on display.

    I thought my jaw would hit the floor

    When I saw that lingerie.

    They had all these different styles

    That I’d never seen before

    I thought I’d go plumb crazy

    ‘fore I left that women’s store.

    They had bras you wear for eighteen hours

    And bras that cross your heart.

    There was bras that lift and separate,

    And that was just the start.

    They had bras that made you feel

    Like you ain’t wearing one at all,

    And bras that you can train in

    When you start off when you’re small.

    Well, I finally made my mind up –

    Picked a black and lacy one –

    I told the lady, ‘Bag it up,’

    And figured I was done.

    But then she asked me for the size

    I didn’t hesitate

    I knew that measurement by heart,

    ‘A six-and-seven-eighths.’

    ‘Six and seven eighths you say?

    That really isn’t right.’

    ‘Oh, yes ma’am! I’m real positive –

    I measured them last night!’

    I thought that she’d go into shock,

    Musta took her by surprise

    When I told her that my wife’s bust

    Was the same as my hat size.

    ‘That’s what I used to measure with,

    I figured it was fair,

    But if I’m wrong, I’m sorry ma’am.’

    This drew another stare.

    By now a crowd had gathered

    And they all was crackin’ up

    When the lady asked to see my hat,

    To measure for the cup.

    When she finally had it figured,

    I gave the gal her pay.

    Then I turned to leave the store,

    Tipped my hat and said, ‘Good day.’

    My wife had heard the story

    ‘fore I ever made it home.

    She’d talked to fifteen women

    Who called her on the phone.

    She was still a-laughin’

    But by then I didn’t care.

    Now she don’t ask and I don’t shop

    For women’s underwear

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