A memo from Human Resources! (Humor)

  • jldii
    Posts: 2294
    #1264603

    > Dear Employees:
    >
    > It has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals
    > throughout the company have been using foul language during the course
    > of normal conversation with their co-workers.
    >
    > Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily
    > offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
    >
    > We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to
    > accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.
    >
    > Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative ‘TRY SAYING’ phrases have been
    > provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue
    > in an effective manner.
    >
    >
    > Number 1
    > TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
    > INSTEAD OF: You don’t know what the f___ you’re doing.
    >
    > Number 2
    > TRY SAYING: She’s an aggressive go-getter.
    > INSTEAD OF: She’s a f___ing bit__.
    >
    > Number 3
    > TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
    > INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?
    >
    > Number 4
    > TRY SAYING: I’m certain that isn’t feasible.
    > INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.
    >
    > Number 5
    > TRY SAYING: Really?
    > INSTEAD OF: You’ve got to be sh___ing me!
    >
    > Number 6
    > TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with…
    > INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.
    >
    > Number 7
    > TRY SAYING: I wasn’t involved in the project.
    > INSTEAD OF: It’s not my f___ing problem.
    >
    > Number 8
    > TRY SAYING: That’s interesting.
    > INSTEAD OF: What the f___?
    >
    > Number 9
    > TRY SAYING: I’m not sure this can be implemented.
    > INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won’t work.
    >
    > Number 10
    > TRY SAYING: I’ll try to schedule that.
    > INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn’t you tell me sooner?
    >
    > Number 11
    > TRY SAYING: He’s not familiar with the issues…
    > INSTEAD OF: He’s got his head up his a__.
    >
    > Number 12
    > TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
    > INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.
    >
    > Number 13
    > TRY SAYING: So you weren’t happy with it?
    > INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.
    >
    > Number 14
    > TRY SAYING: I’m a bit overloaded at the moment.
    > INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I’m on salary.
    >
    > Number 15
    > TRY SAYING: I don’t think you understand.
    > INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.
    >
    > Number 16
    > TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
    > INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.
    >
    > Number 17
    > TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
    > INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?
    >
    > Number 18
    > TRY SAYING: He’s somewhat insensitive.
    > INSTEAD OF: He’s a pr_ck.
    >
    > Thank You,
    > Human Resources

    brad0383
    Farmington, MN
    Posts: 354
    #809616

    My favorite is the second one.

    happycampin
    New Richmond, WI
    Posts: 667
    #809698

    That’s way too f —— much to remember!

    Rich4Walleyes
    Posts: 86
    #809712

    Quote:


    That’s way too f —— much to remember!


    You should have tried to say: I will do my best to learn these!!

    happycampin
    New Richmond, WI
    Posts: 667
    #809739

    Quote:


    Quote:


    That’s way too f —— much to remember!


    You should have tried to say: I will do my best to learn these!!


    At least your catching on!

    smacphail
    Posts: 11
    #810427

    Excuse me Jack, but where do you get these clever little tidbits from??? My favorite is #12

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