Joke of the Day

Dustin’s attempts at humor are alot like his hooksets…. pretty weak.

I need to apologize in advance for the this one. Sorry.
Why didn’t Superman stop the planes from flying into the twin towers?

He’s in a wheelchair.

Steve

Steve…that was terrable

So, you’ve drawn me in….

Last March I found Steve Vick at the Redwing Lock leaning over the rail looking at the water with a tooth brush in is hand. When I questioned him as to what he was doing…

He said….

I’m waiting for the Crest…

I’m sorry too!

Well, since Steve broke the ice with rotten jokes…………….

What is the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken………………..

They only seem to keeping getting worse:

Try this one.

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead?”

“No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless man replied.

“Will you use it to gamble instead of buying food?” the man asked.

“No, I don’t gamble,” the homeless man said. “I need everything I can get just to stay alive.”

“Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course instead of food?” the man asked.

“Are you NUTS!” replied the homeless man. “I haven’t played golf in 20 years!”

“Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?” the man asked.

“What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?!!” exclaimed the homeless man.

“Well,” said the man, “I’m not going to give you the money. Instead, I’m going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife.”

The homeless man was astounded. “Won’t your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.”

The man replied, “That’s okay. I just want her to see what a man looks like who’s given up beer, gambling, golf, and sex.”

I always liked that one Commanchero.

Gator Hunter

Lorena Bobbit’s sister wanted to perform the same operation on her unfaithful husband as Lorena did to hers. She grabbed a knife and went into the bedroom where her husband was sleeping. Just as she swung the knife, he moved and she stabbed him in the thigh. She was charged with gross misdewiener.

Please!!!!!!!!!!! Someone take these guys fishing!

Ole was stopped by a game warden in Northern Minnesota recently leaving a lake well known for its Walleye. He had two buckets of fish. As it was during the spawning season, the game warden asked, “Do you have a license to catch
those fish?” Ole replied, “No, sir! Dese here are my pet fish.””Pet fish?” the warden replied. “Ya sure, you betcha.” answered Ole. “Every night I take dese fish here down to da lake and let dem svim around for a while. Den I vhistle and dey yump back into deir buckets and I take dem home.””That’s a bunch of hooey. Fish can’t do that.” said the game warden.
Ole looked at the game warden with an expression of great hurt, and then said, “Yumpin Yimminy! Vell den, I’ll jus show you den. It really does vork, don’tcha know?” “O.K. I’ve got to see this!,” said the warden. The game warden was really curious now. So Ole poured the fish into the lake and stood waiting. After several minutes, the game warden turned to Ole and said, “Well?” “Vell vhat?” responded Ole. “When are you going to call them back?” “Call who back?” asked Ole. “The fish!” “Vhat fish?”

Q: How many fishermen does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Four. One to change the bulb and three to tell stories about how they’ve change even bigger bulbs.

Gator Hunter

so who here don’t have a job, or have a hobby?? i mean wholey cow, man the jokes are flying. I will not add to this post otherwise i will be typing for a month. I have a 3″ binder full of jokes. but thanks all for the great chuckle.

shane

My wife will buy anything that is marked down. Yesterday she came home with a escalator!

A discouraged, lonely wife couldn’t figure out how to keep her husband home and sober. Night after night he was “out with the boys”. One night she gets an idea. She’ll dress up like the devil and scare it out of him! She had waited up nearly all night by the time he came stumbling through the door but when he did she jumped out from behind the door and yelled, “Ha-ha-ha-haaaaa—— I’ve come to condemn you to a life in hell!” To which the drunken husband didn’t even flinch. “I ain’t afraid o’ yooooo uh.”, he replied. “I’m married to your sister!”

A string walk into a bar only to have the bartender refuse service.

“Can’t you read? We don’t serve strings!”

Dejected, the string leaves.

Time passes and he spots a patron’s car leaking antifreeze so the string goes and disguises himself green and returns to the tavern.

“Hey!”, said the bar keep. “I thought I told you, ‘No Strings’!”

Discouraged, the string reluctantly leaves again………..but suddenly had a new idea! He rolled and rolled and rolled around, pulling himself through tight places and wriggling and squirming until he was a twisted mess. Back into the pub he went.

Bartender asks, “Saaaayyy………..aren’t you that string I keep kicking out of here?”

“Nope. Frayed Knot.”

Guy breaks out of prison.
Breaks into this husband/wife’s home.
The prisoner ties them both up on the bed and whispers something into the wifes ear. The prisoner then goes into the bathroom.

The husband told the wife to be strong, and that this prisoner probably hasn’t seen a woman in years. He tells her that she will be ok and that he loves her………..

The wife responded that the prisoner said he hadn’t been with a man in years………………..The wife told the husband to be strong and that she loves him!!!!!!!!!!!

OK IF THIS IS WRONG, JUST DELETE IT, BUT IT IS FUNNY…..

A Penguin’s car breaks down. He takes it to the shop and the mechanic told the penguin that it would be an hour before he can fix it, so he told the penguin to go to the ice cream shop for some ice cream.

So the penguin waddles to the ice cream shop, and being that he doesn’t have hands, goes head first into his ice cream.

An hour goes by and the penguin returns to the mechanic.

The mechanic said: “Looks like you blew a seal.”
The penguin said: “Nope, it’s just ice cream”

A blind man walks into a department store with his seeing eye dog and picks it up by the tail and starts swinging it around above his head. The department manager notices this and ask him, what the heck is going on? The blind man replies just looking around!

Keep your lines in the water were all in this together

A school teacher asks his students if they can name the vegetable that makes you cry. Little Jonnie raises his hand and says that answer is an eggplant. The teacher replies no, the correct answer is an onion. Jonnie then looks at the teacher and says I can see that you’ve never been hit in the nuts with an eggplant.

Gator Hunter

Although that was a good one Gator…I think this thread should be locked until Feb. Next the “famous movie lines” will be popping up…

“Go ahead! Make my Day!”…. sorry wrong thread! hehehe

Made me laugh outloud by myself.

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Check out this picture How would you like to be down range of this?

Now I know what you do when you go catfishing and the ball game isn’t on!

Here is another cool pic

Gay Bob goes into the doctor’s office and has some tests run.

The doctor comes back and says, “Bob, I’m not going to beat around the bush. You have AIDS.” Bob is devastated. “Doc, what can I do?”

“Eat 1 sausage, 1 head of cabbage, 20 unpeeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1 box of Grape nuts cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice.”

Bob asks, “Will that cure me, Doc?” Doc says, “No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your [censored] is for.

James? I’m pleading with you….it’s fishing time…lock this thread…thay are getting worse!!!!

These guys should be spending their time…bass fishing or something!!

Alright, maybe this will kill the thread.

Two walleyes were dining in a restaraunt when one of them holds up an empty glass. The waiter turns to the bus boy and says “I think we have a fish out of water over there”

I gotta stop, my sides are killing me.

hey putz,

well that aint the case in my boat. They are still all in the water. I would love to have that feeling of them being out of water. it was a good joke.

shane