Heres a few things to think about too. You guys up there usually get more snow then us down here but we get our fair share too. If the eaves are fairly wide go the extra protection and use another course of ice and water shield so when the ice dams are freezing and thawing this will keep them from damageing your roof and leaking and then damageing your ceiling, its just a little more money. Also if theres hips and valleys make them run a course of ice and water shield in each valley, theres alot of snow that settles in valleys. Make them do this instead of running just tarpaper, its worth the extra price and its usually not that much more, a few hundred more.
If you have a slope to your lot maybe have them put in underground wireing then mount a plugin to a post for a water garden/small waterfall combination.
Use vented soffits, thier usually no more expensive then the non-vented to make sure your attic area breaths so your roof is cooler in the summer months and theres no frost buildup in the winter. Continuous roof venting that runs along the peak is a good deal too thats works in combination with the vented soffits, if you let the heat excape from your attic you’ll get more life from the shingles. Roofs often reach 140 degrees on hot days and a few days year after year will dryout shingles making them brittle and substancially shorten thier life.
Heres probably the best suggestion is try to find a couple good carpenters that have been swinging a hammer for 20-25 years and have them build you a house. I know a few carpenters that have been since they got out of highschool and the quality and thier know how is the best. Guys like this are fairly hard to find and if you choose a contractor to do the building make sure theres atleast one of those guys running/working on your job. Theres alot of younger guys who are also good carpenters just try to sense how good they are, it will show right away. Spend alot of time on the jobsite looking at whats been done it may make them show a little more craftsmenship and do a better job.
When it comes to drywall tell the contractor you want a fine sprayed texture on the wall instead of a coarse knock down that hides big blemishes. The walls will come out smoother, when thier done finishing then tell them what you want for a final texture. Too many guys don’t do a good job on the second coat when they know theres a knockdown going to be used for the texture, you’ll see the difference.
Like said above try to enjoy yourself with a positive attitude, you’ll enjoy yourself more and the contractor won’t be so reluctant to talk to you because of his past experiences.