Subject: The Parrot
A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a
parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn’t
have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, ‘
Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot? ‘
The parrot says, ‘ I was born this way. I’m a defective parrot. ‘
‘ Holy crap, ‘ the guy replies. ‘ You actually understood and answered me!
‘ I got every word, ‘ says the parrot. ‘ I
happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird ‘
‘ Oh yeah? ‘ the guy asks, ‘ Then answer this
— how do you hang onto your perch without any feet? ‘
‘ Well, ‘ the parrot says, ‘ this is very
embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap
my weenie around this wooden bar like a little
hook. You can’t see it because of my feathers. ‘
‘ Wow, ‘ says the guy. ‘ You really can
understand and speak English can’t you?’
‘Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can translate French.
The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. ‘
Sorry, but I just can’t afford that. ‘
‘ Pssssssst, ‘ says the parrot, ‘I’ m
defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me
cause I don’t have any feet. You can probably
get me for $20; just make the guy an offer! ‘
The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational.. He has
a great sense of humor, he’s interesting, he’s
a great pal, he understands everything, he
sympathizes, and he’s insightful. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the
parrot goes, ‘ Psssssssssssst, ‘ and motions
him over with one wing. ‘ I don’t know if I
should tell you this or not, but it’s about your wife and the UPS man.. ‘
‘ What are you talking about? ‘ asks the guy.
‘ When the UPS man delivered a package today,
your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie. ‘
‘ WHAT??? ‘ the guy asks incredulously.. ‘ THEN what happened? ‘
‘ Well, then the UPS man came into the house and
lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over, ‘ reported the
parrot.
‘ NO! ‘ he exclaims. ‘ And she let him? ‘
‘ Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie,
got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over…. ‘
Then the frantic guy demands, ‘ THEN WHAT HAPPENED? ‘
‘ Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch! ‘
