Food for thought

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with ‘Guess’ on it.
So I said ‘Implants?’ She hit me.

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America ?

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn’t have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go ‘skinny dipping,’ now I just ‘chunky dunk.’

Don’t argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn’t it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press ‘Ctrl A lt Delete’ and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

Wouldn’t you know it…
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but F A T cells live forever.

Bumper sticker of the year:
‘If you can read this, thank a teacher – and, since it’s in English, thank a soldier’

And remember:
Life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer it gets to the end,
the faster it goes.

There is truth in them there words Sir.

Yeah, I haven’t quite figured this one out as of yet.. Women wear these low, Low, LOW cut tops.. and yet when you look at them ( and being 52, it takes a while to focus) they look at you like your a pervert..

or its the time that we were in a video store( true story) and the TV was on, and there was this girl on American Gladiators.. and She says : ” I’m Excited ” and by looking She was..

and then my wife HIT ME.. and all I did was stand there and watch the tv..

I don’t understand this..