Games For When We Are Older

GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
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>1. Sag, you’re It.
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>2. Hide and go pee.
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>3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
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>4. Kick the bucket
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>5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
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>6. Musical recliners.
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>7. Simon says something incoherent.
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>8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy
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>SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE:
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>1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
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>2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids’ names on them.
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>OLD IS WHEN:
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>2. You don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t
have to go along.
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>3. Getting a little action means I don’t need fiber today.
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>4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
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>5 . An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!
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>Thoughts for the weekend
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>Wouldn’t it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply
press ‘Ctr Alt Delete’ and start all over?
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>If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started
with some-thing called labor!
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>Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
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>But Most Of All, Remember ..
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>A Good Friend Is Like A Good Bra: Hard to Find, Supportive,
Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart!
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>=================
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>Ponderisms
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>I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people
die of natural causes.
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>Garden Rule: When weeding , the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
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>The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.
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>Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
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>Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
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>In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
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>How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire?
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>Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll
squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?”
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>If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
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>Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
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>Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Quote:

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>If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

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good stuff

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you’re in bed with a relative.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it.
So I said “Implants?” She hit me.

How come we choose from just two people to run for
president and over fifty for Miss America ?

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn’t have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go “skinny dipping,” now I just “chunky dunk.”

Don’t argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn’t it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press ‘Ctrl Alt Delete’ and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

Why is it that our children can’t read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

Wouldn’t you know it….
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.