breaking up is hard to do

I’m sure most of you have been through it but i’m having a hard time and could use some advise on getting through it.

I am sorry to hear it bud…

I used to think that “there are plenty of fish in the sea” was a cliche meant that there were other women out there… but then I realized that it really means that, when you lose a woman… GO FISHING!!!!

fish more

That’s not a flippant remark either. Get your mind off it. Pour yourself into your work (boring!) or your boat (much better!).

At first you may have to force yourself to get out and do the things you love doing like fishing but make sure you do it. Its very much needed for therapy and helps you to relax and get your mind off of it. In time it will pass just like everything else does and being involved in what you love doing will make the time go faster which makes the healing come faster. Get out and fish, fish, and more fish. Did I say go fish? Hang in there bud as it will get better and you will be spending more time on the water. And that makes life more fun.
Thanks, Bill

Like the others said, get out and spend time doing the things you like. Spend time fishing with some friends. Do not resort to drinking, don’t run off looking to replace your relationship. Become happy on your own first, you can’t be good with someone else untill you’re good with yourself.

Fish a lot, as a matter of fact I think you should fish some for me. Make a plan to go somewhere new for a few days. Keeping your mind off the issues at hand can help. I suggest taking a long weekend with the boat. I’d be headed to Green Bay or Mille Lacs or somewhere else within reason that I don’t normally get the chance to go to.

Good luck buddy!!!

Good friends and a long weekend on the lake will help a bunch. Keep yourself busy, try not to dwell on the past. I’m a beliver in that things happen for a reason wether it makes any sence or not. Been where your at a time or 2 and friends and fishing have always been the best cure.

Been there! Just a yr ago. Absolutly destroyed me! Only because i let it. You can’t feel bad for yourself, if you do you start to make poor decisioms in life that will haunt you even longer. You got to get mentally tough! If she doesn’t want you urine on her! You look like a young guy like myself(29) Sometimes the best way to get over someone is to give someone else a nice gift:) Just be smart and make sure you gift wrap your present:)

Add that to doing things that you want to do. Now is the time in life were you can be a little selfish. Just think of all the toys you can buy! Stay away from the booze until your over it.. Thats when poor decisions happen to be made the most…
Take my advice for what its worth. But don’t beat yourself up.

Get yourself Barry Manilow’s Greatest Hits and play it over and over and over. Once you have done that I can assure you that you will have no more tears to cry…EVER!

If you parted on good terms, great, if not then you need to draw devil horns on all her pictures and poke her eyes out with a thumb-tack. (Her pictures, not her!)

Now, that you have done all that there is nothing left to do but go fishing and celebrate your new-found freedom. Just think, there are a million HOT women out there for you to discover and now you CAN!!! Go find one!

Been there its one hardest things to go threw.pm me if you have to talk to someone keep your friends close. And really try to keep you mind off it. at least part of the day….to hell with the dishes going to algoma and catch me some salmon.SINGLE MEN CAN DO THIS. take care. Dan. be back sunday

Please don’t post that website here,

we are family based.

Thanks!

Gary Wellman

I understand how you feel.. And i also understand how the “drive” to go fishing just isn’t there. one time after I got dumped i went out fishing and I just wasn’t feeling it at all. I caught one 3-1/2 lb largemouth and i didn’t even feel good about it. So i called up a bunch of friends and just went boating. It really took my mind off of things.

about a month later I found the perfect girl and she is absolutely amazing. We went fishing on our first date!

so just keep your head up because you’ll find another!

Good luck man.

The guys have hit it on the head—stay busy,go fishing and avoid the booze. I would add that now is the time for some self evaluation. Look back on the relationship and think about what you did that was right and what you would change if you could. Consider it a practice run for when Miss Perfect comes along. As guys we tend to do silly stuff from time to time so come out of this a better deal for the next one. One day you will look back on this time and think “thank God it happened because if it didn’t I wouldn’t be where I am now—as you roll over and look at Mrs. Perfect lying beside you”. Everything happens for a reason my friend so hang in there and get yourself in the right frame of mind to latch onto happiness when it comes along!!! Life is too short to dwell on the bad!!!

Also remember, your a good guy, heck. You like fishing, what guy who likes fishing isn’t a good guy? Your smart, good looking, and oh yeah, you like to fish! So go fishing! Invite some freinds, get back to center and then go back to hunting….deer hunting. You can dable in the two legged kind for a little while, but bow season will start in Sept. Good luck and keep your chin up!

The best way to get over a gal is to get under a gal.

Tim

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The best way to get over a gal is to get under a gal.

Tim

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I would agree to keep yourself busy with things you enjoy. Like here in the Twin Cities, the King of Diamonds is a good place to go to help keep your mind off the ex.

I had some issues with my college girl who I was with for several years. I think most fellas take a blow to their ego and self esteme. What I am not the perfect man for any woman? I might as well hang my head and cry and not try anymore. Crawled into a bottle for 3 years. Don’t make that mistake. If you have a job and can provide for a family, you are a good man. They have to like you to want you and if you are all sad and mopey nobody will like you. Reflect, identify what the problem was, change if necessary and move on to the next one. There are lots of lonely females out there who will aggressively move on you if they think you are a catch.

Targaman I feel your pain. I just had things broke off with my fiance’ and I am devistated. It sucks!! Playing back all the memories everything that could have been different. Better days ahead!!

More times than not, it’s a blessing in disguise. Perfect opportunity for you to better yourself and your life. Newfound freedom is a wonderful thing. Pick one of the upper midwest’s fantastic fisheries and take a trip there. Bowhunting’s coming soon, grab the stick and string. Pretty soon your self-confidence will be stronger than ever and you can move on to enjoying life. Take care.

Mark

I went through the same thing a few years ago. I heartily recommend the book “The Game” by Neil Strauss. He was a nerd writer that went undercover and became the worlds greatest pick up artist. These guys are incredible and have changed the way I relate to women. Read the book, check out some of these guys, especially David D’Angelo and his Doubleyourdating website. Sign up for his free emails. You’ll realize where you went wrong and what you can do about it in the future. There is amazing information out there and taking those first steps to becoming something better than you were is very liberating.

One of the greatest things I learned many many years ago is that no one can make you sad, happy, angry, or anything else.

Life is how you respond to it, embrace it, whatever.

I know this sounds cheesy but once you understand you really do control your own actions and reactions it helps.

It helps to understand your wife, employees, friends, whatever don’t make you do or feel anything.

Everyone is different and I wish you the best. Focus on the good things and try to take care of yourself. Grieving is natural, just don’t wallow in it. Sometimes thinking of other people you know and respect and asking yourself how they’d handle the situation you’re in can give you a good way to cope and overcome too.

Laughter is also important, get with those friends that make you laugh. Watch some funny movies, see a comedy show, etc. Laughter and smiling really does improve your body chemistry for the better!

Good Luck

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The best way to get over a gal is to get under a gal.

Tim

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There’s some pretty good advisers here……others are setting themselves up to repeat lessons. Forgetfulness and fun are not the way to solve problems. Getting reacquainted with what makes you “you” and learning what you can about RELATIONSHIPS will indeed be your forward progress.

Understand, that no matter how much finger pointing takes place, it takes two people to make it AND break it.

So……… to avoid taking your same ol’ self into your next “what gives?”, you MUST dig deep into not only who you are, but who you’d like to be. Relationships are the keys to life so learn all you can about your attitudes, personality, “love language”, and how you can lie to yourself through self-justifications. If you get in a relationship to see what you can get, the shine will eventually wear off. Two people have to want to see what they can GIVE of themselves for the benefit of the other. This point is why knowing who you are is so critical. It’s hard to give what you don’t have……. or didn’t realize you had.

Learning to play women is easy because they’re emotional creatures. But don’t do that. It’s not honest. Selfish retaliation is only going to make others feel the way you feel now. Avoid this. Guilt will come later if not sooner and you’ll only have more to beat yourself up with.

If you must be selfish, use it to carve out your new future. Pour yourself into a future!

Self confidence is often low on the backside of a break up/divorce and for good reason. However, this doesn’t eliminate the ability to make wise decisions. Think about where you wanted life to go, for yourself, while the relationship was still intact. This will help guide you.

Look around at the 5 most influential people in your life. Are they where you’d like to be? If not, get some new influences. Dig deep and try not to dwell on “yesterday”.

There’s no benefit to anger or revenge. Fight these urges with all you have and PROMISE YOURSELF that you’ll never give in to either impulse. Impulsive, rash actions do not satisfy the emptiness you’re trying to get rid of. Work toward civility. It WILL make you a better and stronger person.

Understand the phases of a break up. Depression, Anger, Recovery. Each can mean many things so understanding yourself and controlling yourself must accompany your emotional highs and lows. Keep yourself in check.

Amidst your efforts to improve yourself and the life you’re living, DO take time to be with GOOD friends. You know, the ones that help build you up and are interested in your healing. Go visit places that sooth you. Listen to music that doesn’t depress you or build up your anger. Indulge in activities that you’ve been interested in. A new hobby can help.

Don’t be afraid to talk to a counselor if you’re having any difficulties!!! And not just any quack, get references.

Now is also a good time to examine your faith, whatever it may be. Knowing what you believe and why you believe it will have everything to do with your future.

Lastly, it is okay to beat yourself up a little. If you learn something that makes you feel bad about you, don’t wallow in the discovery. Simply learn from it and move on. There are some things that will never change unless we put a bonifide effort into it. And nothing changes without awareness. So dig deep, be strong, and remember that each day is short. We only live one minute at a time, one day at a time. Just get to the next minute, always…………. and you’ll get to the next day. Every day holds something new if you simply look for it. Look for a positive in EVERYTHING……. and everyone. What you tell yourself can easily be believed so strive for positive thinking and positive people.

Good luck and if I can help you in any way, whether it be my experience or references to good books and/or counsel, send me a pm anytime!

I feel for you and your pain. What you are experiencing is a form of grief simlar to when someone you know dies. It will be hard to do but you need to try to release her completely from your heart and try not to cling on to her.
I have heard a saying that you can never fully have something until you are ready to completely release the grip you have on it.
Hang in there and like others have said surround yourself with friends and family for comfort and support.

Wow, this is an incredibly deep and profound group you’ve brought your problem to. I’m impressed by the maturity of the advice you’re getting. Seriously, most people pay about $100/hour for counciling like this.

I too, have been in your shoes. I broke up with someone who I really thought was the one. It really tore me up. I swore off women forever. Thats when I met my Wife. When I wasn’t looking, thats when it happened. 23 years later, I’m so glad I broke up with the gal before. Listen to the song “Unanswered Prayers” by Garth Brooks. It pretty much says it all about where you are right now and where you will be in the future.

For future reference, if this conversation is ever brought up in the presence of my Wife, I will plead the 5th Amendment.

Take some time to feel badly! Then evaluate what went wrong and make a mental note of any mistakes made. Forgive yourself for your mistakes. Then focus on living the life you enjoy and want, let whatever happens in your life happen. No matter your age, a relationship with the wrong person is just that. If you do what you love and follow your own path, in time that path will cross with someone who is meant for you. Sorry to say it took me 45 years and two failed marriages to find that out. Jumping into work or overdoing anything to mask the hurt will just make it worse when its time to face it. Again, spoken from experiance. Have faith in God and give him your troubles and you will find that your life will become much easier.

PowerFred gives sound advice. It is what I was gonna say. Only problem with unanswered prayers, Garth left his wife, a couple years after his hit song. Hang in there. Time heals most everything, or at least makes it bearable.

big g

Marraige or girlfriend?

If you were married, then I am sorry – it won’t be easy or painless.

If it was a girlfriend – get back on the horse. There are people out there with FAR WORSE problems than that……

Tim

me and my girlfriend broke up 4 months ago and it was really hard on me too. one thing i did was really went fishing more and got my mind off things a little and i really do think that helped a lot

28 years ago I broke up with my girl friend…give or take a couple years. I think i’m about over her.

I picked up to hot babe at this kegger in Albert Lea…Edgewater Park…blue top and white coveralls…mmmMMM…and my life hasn’t been the same since.

So Brian, What happened to her?