1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Let’s get this straight; it’s called a “gravel road.” We drive a Pickup truck because we want to. No matter how slow you drive, you’re going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are beef cows, pigs and milk cows. They may stink to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it.
4. So you have a $60,000 car. We’re impressed. We have $250,000 combines that are driven only 3 times a year.
5. So every person in every pickup waves. It’s called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of ducks are coming in, a big buck is making a a scrape, or Tom Turkey is strutting we WILL shoot it out of your hand.
You better hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time.
7 Yeah, we eat walleyes & Northern pike and love it. You really want sushi & caviar? It’s available at the corner bait shop.
8. The “Opener” refers to the first day of deer season, Or the first day of fishing season. BOTH are aproaching the status equal to Religious holiday’s.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
10. No, there’s no “vegetarian special” on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef’s Salad and pick off the pound of ham & turkey.
11. When we set the table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: Onion, Pepper, and Garlic!
Oh, yeah… We don’t care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat… It ain’t real lutefisk, real lutefisk never met a tomato!
12. You bring “coke” into our house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. (it may have rum mixed with it).
You bring “Mary Jane” into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
13. College and High School Football is as important here as the Cowboys or the Knicks, and a heck of a lot more fun to watch.
14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don’t hit the water hazards –it spooks the fish.
15. Colleges? Marquette, UW (all campuses), UM (all campuses) Iowa, Iowa State, SDSU, NDS, St CLoud, St Scholastica etc. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays.
16. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force,and Marines, than any other 5 states combined so “Don’t screw with us Farmers or you might just get your butt whipped.
17. Always remember what a great mind once said: “The United States wouldn’t be what it is today if it had not been for the mid-west!” Wisconsin, Minnesota, Iowa, and the Dakota’s are the greatest states ever!!
