Don’t Fart In Bed!

> Just a bit of humor…
>
>
> If this story doesn’t make you cry for laughing so hard, let
> me know
> and I’ll pray for you.
>
>
> This is a story about a couple who had been happily married
> for y ears. The only friction in there marriage was the husband’s
> habit of
> farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would
> wake
> his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her
> gasp
> for air..
> Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them
> off
> because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn’t stop
> it and
> that it was perfectly natural.She told him to see a doctor;
> she was
> concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years
> went
> by and he continued to rip them out!
>
> Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey
> for
> dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the
> bowl
> where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver
> and
> all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She
> took
> the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep
> and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the
> elastic
> waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey
> guts
> into his shorts.
>
> Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual
> trumpeting
> which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound
> of frantic
> footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly
> control
> herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her
> eyes! After
> years
> of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
> About
> twenty
> minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his
> bloodstained
> underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip
> as she
> asked
> him what was the matter. He said, “Honey, you were right.”
> “All these
> years you have warned me and I didn’t listen to you.” “What
> do you
> mean?”
> asked his wife. “Well, you always told me that one day I
> would end up
> farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by
> the grace of
> God,
> some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them
> back in.”

OH my guts hurt!

NOW that is some GOOD humor!!
Thanks for the laugh Colklink83…Needed that today!!

Troy

‘

Great humor there

Now I needed that one. Great joke.

Baked Beans – This is hilarious!

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love.

When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work.

Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home.

On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand.

With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed t hree large orders of baked beans.

All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed
delightedly: “Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.”

He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table.

I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang.

He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.

It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill.

I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes.

The pleasure was indescribable.
When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long.

He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: “Happy Birthday!”

I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ACTS