Friend in need of help (Military people)

I have a friend who spent a year in Iraq and has been home for about 5 months. This weekend he finally reached his breaking point and is having a heck of a time dealing with what he has seen and had to do while over there. He is psychologically and mentally shattered. He has been talking to a pastor but it is not working. He says all they want to offer for assisstance is telling him to talk to God. That seems fine and dandy to some, but I think he needs more professional help.
As much as I would love to be able to help him, it is something I know nothing about. I feel like I am not being a good friend, but I wasn’t there and wouldn’t understand what is going through his mind. Besides that, most of you know I have my own issues to deal with.
He has terrible nightmares that basically make him relive the atrocities of war on a daily basis. Seeing him in this condition is pretty tough, especially when there isn’t anything I can do to change it. You can see it in his eyes and they way he carries himself that he has about given up. He called me this weekend drunk as a skunk and had me take all his guns from the house.
So, my question is, what can he do to get his life back? He does not have insurance to pay for a psychiatrist and he doesn’t know where to go from here. Does the military offer assisstance once the soldiers get home to deal with these kind of issues? I have never seen him like this and believe me, it isn’t pretty.

He’s now considered a VET, do you have a VET’s hospital where you/he lives?
Best Wishes for him

VA in Tomah should be able to offer some help.

There is a V.A. Clinic on Jackson St. accross the street from K-Mart just before you cross the bridge to Smitty’s. We also have the V.A. hospital in Tomah and a another one in Madison. He is a vet and the V.A. has all kinds ofprograms to help him at no cost.

Thanks guys for the help I will talk to him hopefully tomorrow and suggest the V.A. I know right where the one in LaCrosse is. If I have to drag him down there myself, I will.
One thing I am learning about people. You never want to get help until you hit rock bottom and think there is no relief in sight.

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I feel like I am not being a good friend,

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Mike your the definition of true friend and with your help and others your friend is going to be fine…..

Tell him thanks from all of us at IDA for what he has done for us.

Good Luck Mike.

They have people at the va that specialize in post traumatic stress disorders it is a very complicated disorder and needs a doctor. Get him to go asap before it gets worse! post traumatic nightmares are horrible.

hey Mike,

you know, a day out on the water is also a great rememdy for them as well. I have had a few of them and I am affraid that I will be going through them again. it is tough and not an easy thing to talk about let alone try to tell someone what you saw down there. I think that LittleB was there as well, he was at the GTG last year. but you are being the best friend that you can be while not understanding what comes of it. so just hang in there and be ready to be that ear if he needs one.

shane

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They have people at the va that specialize in post traumatic stress disorders

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This sounds like a good possibility here. For me I have never served in the military but I’ll share briefly my disease of mind, spirit, and body all of which I’ve been working on through AlcoholicsAnonomous. His complications of PTSD will not be directly addressed through the AA program but for me it has helped with my insanity when I’m willing to “work the programm”. My prayers go out to him!

The VA hospital is definitely the way to go but it may take him a few times to find the “right” person for him. The VA is a great place but it is usually very busy so the first impression may not be a good one. Once he makes it through the initial visit it will get easier and the help is there. Make sure he gives it a fair shot and let him know there are tons of people who appriciate what he did (and we’re praying for him whether he wants us to or not).

Watts,

Maybe you could print out a copy of this thread. He could see that people that don’t even know him are very grateful to him and would like say thanks for what he’s done for our country and all of us. I’d be honored to shake his hand!

Rootski

Rootski,
I’d be right behind you in line to shake that young man’s hand—he’s a heck of a lot more important to this country than ANYONE in Hollywood.

Wats;

The simple fact that you are seeking help, makes you a good friend! to you. I think the other are right on with the Vet clinc. In the mean time, please try to keep a close eye, and ear on him. Also please give him a big THANK YOU! from me and my Family.

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Watts,

Maybe you could print out a copy of this thread. He could see that people that don’t even know him are very grateful to him and would like say thanks for what he’s done for our country and all of us. I’d be honored to shake his hand!

Rootski

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Good thoughs Rootski. I agree with what you and others have said. He has done something that very few people have done, and is a better man for it.

He has my utmost respect and gratitude for his service.

Let us know if there is anything we can do for him. You are a good guy for helping him as much as you can.

You are a true friend, when you are doing somehting like this trying to find a way to make his life more comfortable. Now as for the VA yes they do have many programs that offer counciling etc. but not all military personel feel comfortable going there seeing what past and present wars has sent home. After being at war and doing what most people believe is what they have seen on t.v. in war movies is WAY different! One with current traumatic stress disorder may not find it comfortable going to a VA seeing someone in a wheel chair missing limbs from a previous war. This can add to there shock. So do not push him to hard towards the VA if he resists. You may call the VA and ask them personally if they know of any local outside the VA groups dealing with such matters. Also if he is a gaurdsman or a reserve you may contact his unit and ask them as well for advice on where to find local support groups.. Best of luck and our hearts are with these guys coming home and still over there…

As others have said…….Get him to the VA. He has that benefit for life.

The common occurance for most PTWS vets is the bottle…….I’ve seen plenty of 1st Sergeants and Sergeant Majors who were full blown alcoholics from Vietnam, along with a few guys who were in their mid-20s from the Gulf War.

The VA will help him out, if he wants to be helped…….The key factor is that he must want the help.

We should start a thread specifically for thanking the brave men and women that are serving our country. I would suggest that it gets pinned in the forum so that it doesn’t get buried in all the other posts.

This way if there are any IDA’ers serving over seas, they can see just how appreciative we all are. Just a thought.

I know that I think about them everyday and am proud for what they are doing.

Mallard_Militia

I have sent James picture of the “Crossed Pistols” that I plan to use as my avitar until our boys are back from Iraq. The crossed pistols signify the Military Police. I know you infantry and cannon cockers have them too. It seems like a small gesture, but a little way of showing my support to them.

Mike,

I’m from the LaCrosse area and have an uncle here who had similar issues from the Gulf War. I know he has helped some others out with similar issues. Sometimes you just need to here what options there are from somebody who’s been through it.

Send me a PM and I’ll give you a phone number to call. I’m positive my uncle would be more than happy to speak with your friend and offer some of his experiences and what kind of things he’s found and done to help him get through those times. Sometimes it’s hard to take advice from people who haven’t seen the kind of things you have, even if their intentions are the best.

God Bless

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Rootski,
I’d be right behind you in line to shake that young man’s hand—he’s a heck of a lot more important to this country than ANYONE in Hollywood.

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I would have to agree with that, I would be the 3rd one in line. I wish that hollywood wouldn’t glamourize stuff like this, but that is what they get paid big $$$$ for. but in the end, it just makes people feel distant because it isn’t the way it went down.

I want to find the 25th Infantry Division electric strawberry so that way I could put that one mine. that is the division that I was in and would gladely put the green back on and serve again.

shane

Thanks guys for all the replies and help. You all are greatly appreciated by me
I talked to him for a few minutes on the phone this afternoon. He got a hold of the VA clinic in LaCrosse and he is going to get his paperwork in their and they will work with him on the proper steps involved.
I really appreciate all your help thus far

That is great to hear he is willing to seek the help, so many times we/they are so focused on our guilt we do not believe we need the help..

Way to go Wats! i’ve got a couple of buddies that suffer from post tramatic stress disorder from viet-nam that served in the army infantry and getting help is thier best bet. One takes it better than the other does and if it wasen’t for the help they’ve received from other vets they would be alot worse by now. I have the utmost respect for our vets that served in any war, police action or conflict.

Mike,
I realize, in two years of pondering after my return, that folks such as your friend and I, face a myriad of issues with which we have no idea how to deal with. PTSD is an enemy just as real and just as daunting as any we’ve faced in theatre of war. Although loath to admit it, I still struggle with nightmares, flashbacks, and ultrasensitivity to any sensory stimulation. The age old adage of “time heals all wounds” isn’t always true for us. Your friend needs to understand that there is no shame in seeking help from another party, at some junction we all need to get better, and feel better. I know from personal experience that vets are more likely to attempt to “Man up” and deal with things on their own. I am incredibly lucky, as is your friend,to have had a support system that pushed me to seek help. Your friend needs this push too! My only advice is to keep pushing, urge your friend to get the help that he needs, and simply explain that no matter how we’ve been trained, human beings simply aren’t equipped to deal with the things we’re subjected to. That’s my two cents. Far from recovered, but safely on the way thanks to friends and family who cared enough to stand in and help me to do what I couldn’t on my own.

Sean

Sean,
Good sensitive answer and with your experience handling the same issues.
Watson you are doing the right thing, stay positive and be there night and day.
I Salute you both.
Jack..

Hey littleB

sure is good to see you posting, it was a pleasure to meet you last year at the GTG. thanks for adding your thoughts on this.

shane

Just got this thread.

I’m a County Veteran Service Officer out of Houston County Minnesota, office in Caledonia. I work with a lot of PTSD vets. Feel free to have him call my office, 507 725-5805. I will help him in anyway I can. Same goes for any Veteran. It’s a free service, and I’m here to deal with the VA so the veteran doesn’t do it alone.

Rob Gross