Anyone not let their kid get drivers license?

Jordan, our oldest turns 16 on June 12. He’s not ready and we haven’t made up our minds if we are letting him take the drivers test right away. He absolutely isn’t ready, but I don’t want to crush him either. I always tell him that I would rather have a mad kid, instead of a dead kid. We have two weeks to drive the heck out of the car, but he’s still making mistakes that he was making last Fall. His response about taking the test is that some of his friends failed it three times. He’s an exceptionally smart kid, but can’t get it through his head that I don’t care what his friends do.

Anyone ever been in a similar situation?

I didn’t let a daughter get her license 2 years ago because of grades. You would have thought I killed her
No one ever said this tough love thing was going to be easy but, it shows you care

Jeff,
That’s a tough call to make. Unfortunately, drivers education is not what it used to be since it went privatized.
My plan is to get my daughter an auto not worth collision insurance and let her pay the tab for liability. I also plan to let her talk with the insurance provider and arrange for an insurance policy. If they are ready to drive then they are ready to take responsibity for all aspects of driving. If they have no money for insurance, gas, repairs, yada, yada, yada, that takes the blame for their not being able to drive off of you and onto their shoulders where it belongs. Hope this helps.

I would say if he’s 16 let him take the test. Once he takes his “state regulated” test, the real learning begins. Now that I’m twice the legal driving age, I think 16 is way too young to drive. If you tried telling me that back then when I was 16, I’d probably have given you the finger. States are passing laws that restrict the amount of passengers you can have in a car when your a new driver. I would say let him take the test as long as you’ve taught him to not get distracted by friends, the radio, the cell phone, or whatever else might happen.

It’s all about good choices & staying focused on the road. I didn’t get my license until I was 17. By 19 I’d had my first major collision with injuries. I passed the state test but nobody really ever showed me how to “drive”. They should have an advanced driving course in a controlled environment called collision avoidance. Take him out on 494 during rush hour & teach him some patience. Some people have taken their kids out on the ice in the winter on a frozen lake or gone out on a dirt road to teach driving skills.. maybe someone else can speak to that..Maybe that helps teach them something. If you haven’t done so already, teach him how to change over a flat tire safely & enroll him in triple AAA. Good luck !!

Jeff, we let our daughter take drivers ed but didn’t let her get her liscense until she was 18. She didn’t like it but in our thought thats the way it goes. Im 54 and when i was here age the drivers were definately better. This town has grown and has alot of incompetent drivers and theres been an interstate in town now for 20 years that drivers think that its the indy 500. People here don’t even know to leave the ramp lane open if at all possible and ive seen a number of close calls at the entry ramps, exits aren’t that bad. Plus rolling around like they call it toady has its problems too in a bigger city. My daughters first car was a full size caprice with alot of protection for her own good. If you don’t have this much pressure in driving situations it may be ok to let him get it with a few restrictions on when and where he can go. We’ll never be able know for sure where thier going when they leave but it dosen’t hurt to put restrictions on where and what they can do for the first years. Here in iowa if they have an accident they take thier liscense until thier 18. The kids that avoid accidents or are lucky enough not to get into one keep thier liscenses. This teaches them to not only drive right but to look for potential situations where an accident could happen. These restrictions are helpful for the ones that need a little more time to mature. If theres not that much traffic locally he should be able to handle most situations in local traffic. One way to look at it, if he dosn’t get into any accidents he’ll be a pretty fair driver by the time he’s 18. I’d say let him go through drivers ed and give him his liscense with restrictions and make him get his own insurance and make sure he pays in full so it dosen’t expire and you not remember when he suppose to pay for it, its easy to forget sometimes to keep track of things it was for me. As long as he stays out of heavy traffic for awhile he’ll probably be ok, i know thier first close call they wake up pretty quick then they open thier eyes more. If hes pretty good at thinking about things he’ll probably be ok.

After raising 4 kids I would have to say that every child is different. Derek was pretty mature at that age and did good the first couple years before getting any tickets. Hopes car broke down alot which got her through the first couple years ok. Chasity did well. Nate, well after a few tickets and in the ditch a couple times on slippery roads in the winter the first year very high insurance scared him into a very decent driver. Surprising what the fear of mega insurance rates could do to a persons fishing addiction when you can’t afford the rates. My kids each paid their own insurance bill. Their driving records of course decided how much it cost them. Car insurance is high for kids and if you get tickets it goes up much much higher. My opinion is also one that says I’d rather have a kid mad at me and be alive than to have one like me and be dead. If they aren’t ready then its time to spend letting them drive with a learners permit only, with you in the car, until they are ready. Then they take the test with the understanding that you will permit the test to be taken only once every six months so they better learn the stuff good is the way I woulds handle it. But thats just my opinion. The insurance companies say that kids have their most problems during that first year of driving before they decide they better grow up behind the wheel.
Thanks, Bill

Yeah it’s going to be rough, but you gotta do what you gotta do. I highly doubt those mistakes will keep happening once he can get his license. My number one thing is to make to you look both ways before entering an intersection, my cousin 17 at the time, pulled out right in front of a car, it cost her, her life. My kid will have it rough, either they are going to be a great driver, or they will not drive until I think they are ready.

Heck drive with the kid, make him say out loud everything he should be doing to be driving correctly (radio should be off at all times) and every mistake they make, point it out to him, say what they should’ve done, and add a (a period of time) to the time they get their license. Something like “Stop sign ahead, slow down, come to a complete stop, look both ways, and continue when it’s clear to go” Make him say this stuff evertime he has to change lanes, stop at a stop sign, pull the car out of a parking space. I trust he’ll really like this game , but eventually it will stick. Call it your “predriver’s license test” Now you can’t be assured they’ll do this once you’re not in the car, but be sure it will get beaten in their head, and that he will know the correct actions they should take when he drives. I think this will give you a good idea when he really is ready to drive.

I am with nugget. I think when you are young you should drive with no radio, no distractions at all and that includes people. 16 year olds make dangerous passengers as I remember.

Let him take his test, if he passes – fine, if not he knows he needs more education. Also, if he gets his license it doesnt mean he has to drive alone. Tell him until you are comfortable with his driving that he can only drive with you. They have to learn eventually!

My daughter is turning 16 this year and she has chosen to wait until she is 18 to get her DL. My 2 cents say that your the parent and as such you know your child best. He may be mad for awhile but you could save him some real baggage that he may have to carry for life.(mental or legal)

Hope all goes well.

i just got mine last october. i was almost 18 when i got it. i wasnt redy and my parents saw that and i didnt get to take the test. i absolutely hated them but it was the right thing to do and now i relize that. i did fail my first test though because i couldnt parellel park the truck i took it in and i stoped at the sign not the white line. but i am glad my parents made me wait now because if you are not redy you will make mistakes and possibly get yourself killed.

Nobody knows your child better than you. I have 4 kids and they had to have a B average in school plus a job. Like others have said the drivers now are a lot differant then they were 30 years ago.(not as many foriegners then)

Different from your situation, but my kids have been told that they need to be on, and stay on the “B” honor roll to get their license @ 16. I have told them (And had the same rules myself as a kid! ) that if they are not responsible enough to get good grades in school, they are not responsible to drive. Had some wait til 18 and some a little younger .

I appreciate all the feedback. Because of Jordan’s academic status, we gave him a deal he realized he couldn’t refuse. I pay for insurance, gas, maintenance, etc. as long as he volunteers the number of hours each week that he would have worked. He understands (I think) that he won’t go whenever he wants, once he does get his license. We told him today that when we do let him take his test, and once he passes, we will decide if he gets to drive alone or not.

He insists that in Dr. Ed., he never had to pass another vehicle on a two-lane road, or even back out of a parking space. The comments about Dr. Ed. not being the same as what we had is an understatement.

I spent time in the vehicle with him today and made sure he was calmed down (yesterday was easily the worst day with this kid that we’ve had in 5 years). He has finals Tues., Wed., and Thursday, so we want him at the top of his game.

One additional thing. I fully realize that comparatively speaking, he may not be as bad we think he is. His mother and I are just trying to do everything we can to keep this kid alive, so he can complete medical school, (he wants to be a doctor). We will drive the heck out of the car the next couple of weeks and we’ll decide if he gets to take his test or not.

We have one that is three years younger than Jordan as well. With Ryan, I’m not worried about him getting his license. I just want him to keep the car on four wheels at all times.

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we gave him a deal he realized he couldn’t refuse. I pay for insurance, gas, maintenance, etc.

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Are you my long lost dad ? Got an extra room ? Can I have a deal like that ?

Good luck & Safe driving !

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we gave him a deal he realized he couldn’t refuse. I pay for insurance, gas, maintenance, etc.

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Are you my long lost dad ? Got an extra room ? Can I have a deal like that ?

Good luck & Safe driving !

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I’d forgo that for a dad to put me on some crappies like he has in his pic

Jeff;

Have one of your buddies go on a ride with him. It maybe YOU that is making him make the mistakes…….

When my father taught me how to drive, he would make me so damn nervous I could hardly think……Let alone drive….

Just a thought……

I think every parent has a heavy responsibility to get their child a DL. I ended up becoming homeless and struggling for many years over being denied such a rite of passage. If a child needs to take the test a few times to get it right, then SO BE IT. Let the driving school handle it, not your personal judgement on your son. Give him the ability to be one a man. A car is crucial for not only good jobs and better care of ones self, but social interaction is very important too.
Facts are it ruins lives when you got to go and you don’t have an ability to go.
Don’t put your kid in such a situation. Those who struggled there whole lives because they weren’t given an opportunity to get such a simple thing, that’s a necessity at the same time. Let the ego go.
If a child isn’t mentally handicapped from driving, let them get their license. Give them a chance and don’t hold dumb things against them from getting it.
Seriously. You’ll ruin a kids life if they leave into the real world, without stepping the stones of todays world needed to survive.

Well I certainly hope the OP’s kid has gotten his license by now seeing how this post was made 18yrs ago, that’d put him at 34.

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I’m 40, and have struggled to this day.im fixing my first car currently, and since this winter will be a bad one, the license is going to wait till this spring. I ended up choosing bicycles all these years, and ebikes for the last 5 years. But I will say, I hope he’s gotten his license by now too, because it’s a terrible thing to be this age without it. Unless it’s by choice and there’s no need at all for it, like New York and whatnot.
But I live in the woods of Maine, caring for my mother, kinda weird to think about, that it’s finally happening so I can make sure she has an ability, considering she didn’t care about my ability when I was younger. I still love her of course, and don’t hold a grudge, but can’t deny how much it’s kept me down my whole life. There was never time for it, after years of struggling, I just stayed in the city with a bicycle. I rode my bicycle from southern New Mexico to southern Maine last year, with my 3 dogs in a custom dog trailer I made, because my dog was poisoned by a psycho roommate, and my only way out was leaving asap on a bicycle. Asap took another month, due to building a trailer and buying supplies. I made it somehow, it was over 3000 miles, but realized that I’m now 40 and this stuff almost took my life this time around, with the amount of sacrifices needed in order to keep my dogs happy and healthy, since it was during the bad central heat dome we had 2 years ago.
I honestly didn’t realize until you (Justin) said something, lol. I just searched a question out on Google and this link was the first that pulled up,haha.
For many years I’ve spread word on how important it is for kids, so they don’t end up in one position after another. A license in today’s world should be standard for all kids mentally able. I believe there should be more strict rules for new drivers and teen drivers, but also truly think it’s a life destroyer without it. Mine was over bad grades, and I aced tests and in school work, but didn’t do homework because I had an after school job at an amusement park, we were poor. But also had a fund from the grandparents to get licenses. It’s always stayed with me, because if a child struggles in school, it becomes all the more important in my opinion, to make sure they have a leg to stand on, in a world that runs on diplomas and degrees (not as much anymore)
Sorry. I don’t use drugs btw. though I type like a spaz, lmao. I have a hyperactivity from ADHD and nervous system damage. I’ve just always been a talker and a writer. In today’s world it’s frowned upon though most times.
Thanks for reading my around In circles rant, and I apologize for my terrible grammar.

Well hopefully he has his liscense now. This is why I started teaching my son to drive when he was 10. At 13 now he can back the boat in for me and go park my rig if the parking lot isn’t busy. Start early on country dirt roads so by the time they get to 15 or 16 your not shipping a brand new driver out

Stephen Michael soldan wrote:

I think every parent has a heavy responsibility to get their child a DL. I ended up becoming homeless and struggling for many years over being denied such a rite of passage. If a child needs to take the test a few times to get it right, then SO BE IT. Let the driving school handle it, not your personal judgement on your son. Give him the ability to be one a man. A car is crucial for not only good jobs and better care of ones self, but social interaction is very important too.
Facts are it ruins lives when you got to go and you don’t have an ability to go.
Don’t put your kid in such a situation. Those who struggled there whole lives because they weren’t given an opportunity to get such a simple thing, that’s a necessity at the same time. Let the ego go.
If a child isn’t mentally handicapped from driving, let them get their license. Give them a chance and don’t hold dumb things against them from getting it.
Seriously. You’ll ruin a kids life if they leave into the real world, without stepping the stones of todays world needed to survive.

I couldn’t get a liscense until I was 18 due to legal trouble, definitely didn’t ruin my life or any one else’s. That’s just a weak excuse and very poor argument. Sounds like a way to raise a spoiled little brat. Tough love is real and teaches more lessons then just handing over things just because

Saddest thing about this thread is how many guys aren’there posting anymore.

If you are over 18 without a DL it’s on you not your parents.

I was wondering why I didnt recognize any names til I looked at the date.

As soon as my kids could see over the dash & reach the pedals I’d let them drive in empty parking lots and country roads. Every time they drove I also had them drive backwards in circles and back into parking spots. When it came time for drivers ed & get a license they were already good drivers.