21 Little known things about Chuck Norris
1. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has
been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
2. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul
back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he
should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of
the month.
3. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris’ shoe. Chuck replied, “Don’t you
know who I am? I’m Chuck Norris!” The mere mention of his name cured this
man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was
a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain
5. Chuck Norris’s girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could
chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, “HOW DARE YOU RHYME
IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!” and ripped out her throat. Holding his
girlfriend’s bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, “Don’t f**k with Chuck!”
Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and
laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went
deaf.
6. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first
45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
7. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck
Norris you may be only seconds away from death
8. To prove it isn’t that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked
15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of
cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that,
Lance Armstrong.
9. Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the
information he wants.
10. Chuck Norris cloned himself just to see if he could kick his own a**.
The result was the second ice age
11. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck
Norris
12. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly
after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck
Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew
once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away
13. Chuck Norris found out about Conan O’Brien’s lever that shows clips from
“Walker: Texas Ranger” and is working on a way to make it show clips of
Norris having sex with Conan’s wife.
14. Chuck Norris appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was
removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse
kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”
15. The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
16. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry,
the man ate a freaking Indian
17. Those aren’t credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually
a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day
18. Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the
courage to tell him.
19. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes
only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has
not had to pay taxes ever
20. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on
Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His
reasoning? It was more “humane”.
21. Chuck Norris doesn’t understand why you should consult your doctor if
your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to
last for up to 15 days.
in a 5 gallon bucket. Why do think Norris has been working out and promoting that stupid exercise machine? Probably because he knows its comin’. 
