Man of the House!!!

The husband had just finished reading the book, ‘MAN OF THE HOUSE’. He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife.

Pointing a finger in her face, he said, “From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law!
I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward.

Then, after dinner, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I’m finished with my bath, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?”

His wife replied, “The funeral director would be my guess.”

I think that would be the answer at my home too

A groom on his wedding night thought it would be smart to get things set straight right from the get go. So when they got to their honeymoon suite, he cleaned himself up in the bathroom and walked out with just a towel wrapped around himself, and tossed his pants to his newly wed bride and said,”put these on”. She said to him,”I can’t, I can’t fit into them”. He replied, “thats right, so now you know who is going to be wearing the pants in this house”! She looked at him, in surprise and said coyly, “honey, make yourself comfortable while I get cleaned up and ready for bed”. A few minutes later she comes out of the bathroom with the sexiest nightie he had ever seen, she was beautiful. She, in a very provacative way, took off her undies and told him to put them on. He replied, “I can’t get into those”, and she replied back to him…..”thats right and its going to be like that until you change your attitude”!

Ya see what Bowman started…………it’s contageous!!!

A LITTLE BOY AND GIRL WERE WALKING DOWN THE STREET AND THE LITTLE BOY SAID “LAST YEAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, I GOT A NEW TRICYCLE” THE LITTLE GIRL THAN SAID “THATS OK, BUT FOR MY BIRTHDAY I GOT A NEW BICYCLE WITH A BASKET,HORN,AND EVERYTHING”. THEY ARE WALKING DOWN THE STREET SOMEMORE AND THE LITTLE BOY SAYS ” WELL, FOR CHRISTMAS LAST YEAR I GOT A NEW TRAIN SET” THAN THE LITTLE GIRL SAID “THATS NOTHING, LAST YEAR FOR CHRISTMAS I GOT A NEW CAR RACING SET, THEY CHANGE LANES, JUMP AND EVERYTHING”. THIS TICKED THE LITTLE BOY OFF AND HE WAS TRYING TO THINK OF SOMETHING THAT COULD TOP WHAT SHE SAID. ALL OF A SUDDEN HE STOPS AND PULLS HIS SHORTS DOWN AND SAYS, “I HAVE ONE OF THESE” THE LITTLE GIRL RESPOND’S BY PULLING HERE SKIRT AND SAYS, ” I HAVE ONE OF THESE AND WITH ONE OF THESE I CAN GET ALL OF THOSE I WANT”.

The difference between husbands and wives.

A husband discovers that his wife has been out all night. After she gets home, he calls ten of her best lady friends and asked if they had seen her. All of them say “No”.

A wife discovers that her husband has been out all night. After he gets home, she calls ten of his closest male friends and asked if they had seen him. Seven of them say he was at their place all night and the other three swear he is still there drinking beer.