I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
I had amnesia once — or was it twice?
I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart. Now what?
Protons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
If the world was a logical place, men would ride horses
side-saddle.
What is a “free” gift? Aren’t all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible .. and I believed them.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he’ll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other
people.
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.
My weight is perfect for my height — which varies.
I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
The cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.
How can there be self-help “groups”?
The speed of time is one-second per second.
Is it possible to be totally partial?
Is Marx’s tomb a communist plot?
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I’ll show you a man who can’t get his pants off.
It’s not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
