Personal Advice Needed!

This is a difficult post to write so bear with me please. I have been divorced since 2002 and have had just a little contact with my ex since then. A few months ago she called me to go to lunch. The reasons we divorced are irrellivent but we parted amicably. I enjoyed the time we spent at lunch and we have met a few more times recently and talked on the phone some. She asked me to take her fishing since she hadnt gone since we divorced and I took her. While in the boat, she informed me that she has breast cancer. Her surgery is scheduled for July 11th. Fellow IDAers – my guts are torn out over this. I have no idea what to do. I pray and ask for guidance daily, hourly, constantly. She has asked nothing of me but I know she will have needs. I dont know if I can provide them. Emotionally or financially. My 1st priority is my son and his education. All advice is welcome!

Go and support her and be by her side.

If for any reason at all, do it for your son. He is the one who will need your now more than ever!!!

To me following the above advice would be setting a great example for your son and show him how a women and his mom should be treated.

feel the same, just show your support as far as you can for your son. Hope for the best.

CK,

I have known a couple of people how have beat or are in the process of beating breast cancer. It is a battle but it is easier when there are friends and family there when needed. Try to support her as best as you can and be there for your son.

You, her, and your son are in my prayers.

Derek

for all the reasons that have been listed, I would agree, go support her and your son. They wil both need your support and more. Thoughts and prayers got out to all. This affliction has hit my family too, and any and all supoort is needed.

dave

I should clarify that my son is from 1st marriage, not this one.

In my 28 years of life and 4 years of rocky marriage there is one thing that I have come to know. Love will see you through all trial and tribulation. The love you knew in the good times of marriage, was still there in the bad times, some people just can’t find a way to get along. I imagine she is coming to you because she still has the trust and faith in you, as she did the day she said “I do”. There is no way to back up time, and cancer is a very serious illness. Don’t miss the opportunity to share love with someone who is reaching out to you, I don’t think you will be disappointed.

You say divorce was amicable. From this I assume there aren’t a lot of hard feelings. I’m sure you don’t want to rekindle things but is there some reason you don’t want to be her friend? I think that is all she is asking. Unless there is a good reason why you can’t be friends I’m of the opinion that you be there just like it was a long time friend and ignore the fact, if you can, that you were married.

Just my 2 cent. I probably don’t know enough to even give that.

I agree with Ken and the rest of you! But remember your son is your first priority. You and here are in our prayers!

I guess I would look at how I would feel later if I did not go and assist in whatever way I could. I would be tearing myself up over it no matter what the outcome. Go for it.

It seems to me she came to you because she feels some sense of security or safety with you and she is in a difficult spot. Be there for her as much as you can allow yourself. It will still be a good life lesson for your son on how to be strong and put others before yourself. Best of luck and I hope things go well for her and you.

–Whitey

it sounds like your ex could use your support more than anything now. what a opportunity to show her and your son what compassion is all about.

Support her emotionally and spiritually ….. it is the human and right thing to do…… financially – this could break most people, so, stay away from that …. there is no shame in applying for medicaid for those with a true need and especially for those who have contributed to “the system”….. the system can break her or both of you, and the outcome will be the same ….. and, cancer treatment has progressed rapidly in the last few years……
btw, my mother died from it.
Barry

I agree with the rest. Theres nothing wrong with being there for her as a friend. I don’t know what her money situation is but thats not really your concern/problem. If no insurance then she can get on Medical Assistance at the welfare office. I would stay away from the money situation as thats her situation. But there is no reason, unless there is something we don’t know, that you can’t be friends. Sounds like you enjoy her company too. My prayers are with her and you and please everyone keep both of them in your prayers daily. Thanks.
Thanks, Bill

even if your son isn’t from this marrage, it is still showing your son that even if a marrage don’t work out, you can still be friends and can lean on eachother when if needed. I would say that if you have enjoyed her company as a friend, be there for her as best you can and see where the good lord takes you. I know that you have already have made a decision and you are just checking with the rest of us to be sure that you have made the right one. do what your gut tells you.

shane

I say go support her emotionally. Sounds to me like you 2 still have some good feelings for each other. And she must need your shoulder to lean on or she wouldn’t have come to you. And we need to teach our children that no matter what, we need to be there for each other regardless of circumstances.
You are all in my prayers and wishing you all the best.

It sounds like the two of you are still good friends. Plain and simple, I would support her like you would a good friend. My ex would not spit on me if I was on fire, and I would not expect her to call me for support. And that is fine. My wife now is very close with her ex, and I would expect her to be there to offer support if it was him with cancer. Sounds to me like you have a friend that needs help. I would say be there for her.
Tuck

My mother is a survivor of 3 years. This battle will be emotional. If you can guve any support. No matter how large or small it will help. You need to take care of your self & your son first. Any support you will have left will be a great deal of help through all of this.

Good Luck
You will be in our prayers.