Non-partisan political humor!

Finally, a non-partisan campaign joke (with a message) we can all
live with !!!
A powerful senator dies after a prolonged illness. His soul
arrives in Heaven where he is met by St. Peter.
”Welcome to Heaven,” says St. Peter.” We seldom see a high
official around these parts, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”
“No problem, just let me in,” says the guy.
“I’d like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is
have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can
choose where to spend eternity.”
“Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven,” says the
senator.
“I’m sorry but rules are rules.”
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes
down, down, down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in
the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and
standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians
who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening attire. They run to greet
him, hug him and reminisce about the good times they had while
getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly
game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar.
Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy who
has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a
good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone
gives him a big hug and waves while the elevator rises.
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in Heaven where
St. Peter is waiting for him.
”Now it’s time to visit Heaven.”, he says.
So 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented
souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing.
They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours
have gone by and St. Peter returns.
“Well then, you’ve spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now
choose your eternity.”
He reflects for a minute, then the senator answers, “Well, I
would never have said it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I
think I would be better off in Hell.”
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down,
down to Hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a
barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his
friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags.
The Devil comes over to him and lays his arm on his neck.
“I don’t understand,” stammers the senator. “Yesterday I was here
and there was a golf course and club and we ate lobster and caviar
and danced and had a great time. Now all there is, is a wasteland
full of garbage and my friends look miserable.”
The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, “Yesterday we were
campaigning.
Today you voted for us!”
VOTE WISELY THIS COMING ELECTION!!!

Well, this one is slanted to the right, but funny none the less……

An airplane was about to crash. There were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger said, “I am Kobe Bryant, the NBA’s best basketball
player. I am about to beat a rape charge and make millions in free agency. I can’t afford to die.” So he took the first pack and left the plane.

The second passenger, Hillary Clinton said, “I am the wife of the former U.S President, a Senator from New York, and a potential future president. And I am the smartest woman in American history, so America’s people don’t want me to die.” She took the second pack and jumped out of the plane.

The third passenger, John Kerry, said, ” I am going to be my party’s nominee for President. I survived Vietnam and received the Purple Heart. The country needs heroes like me.” So he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped.

The fourth passenger, President George W. Bush, said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl, “I have lived a full life, and served my country well, I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.”

The girl said, “That’s okay. There’s a parachute left for you, Mr. President.. America’s smartest woman took my schoolbag.”

I like yours jon, but it kind of brings up blonde jokes too, how do you get a blond to laugh on wednesday> tell her a joke on sunday.
Best Fishes
Chris

Jon,
Thanks for the laugh.

Allright:

So a guy dies and much to his surprise finds himself on the down escalator into the pit of hell. When he gets there, he’s surprised to see a lot of people laughing, talking, and enjoying themselves on a golf course.

The devil comes over and says, “Welcome,” to which the guys responds, “This wasn’t exactly what I was expecting, I love golf!”

The devil says, “Oh yeah, Monday is golf day. Every Monday we play our course here, a finer course than anything that’s available up there on Earth. Afterward we sit in the clubhouse and tell stories and BS.”

Then the devil asks, “You like to drink?” To which the guy responds in the affirmative.

“Then you’re gonna love Tuesdays, we all get together at the bar up the road and have a band, a dance floor, and all the free drinks you can handle! The finest beers from across the world, and the best liquor available anywhere every Tuesday… You smoke cigars?”

“Sure do, but boy my wife hated them!”

“You won’t have that problem here,” said satan, “Wednesday is cigar day, and since we have an ‘in’ with Castro, we get the good stuff… none of that cheap junk that you were used to, but the finest select tobacco hand-rolled into stogies the size of Cincinnati.”

The devil goes on, “You gay?”

To which the guy responds, “Heck no!”

“Oh…. you’re not gonna like Thursdays very much then.”

One more….. Who you voting for????

Kerry Looks like DEE SNIDER of Twisted Sister

G.W. Bush and John Kerry somehow end up at the same barbershop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.

As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Kerry in his chair reached for the aftershave. Kerry was quick to stop him saying, ” No thanks, my wife Theresa will smell that and think I have been to a whorehouse”

The second barber turned to Bush and said, ” How about you?”

Bush replied, ” Go ahead my wife doesn’t know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.”

Pretty funny Tom

Holy moly! That is the funniest thing I have ever seen! Is that Dee Snyder or just his twin?