Looking for advice and input.

So I acquired a 2009 Lund Pro Guide 1725 with a 75hp Merc on the back. Need advice. Just kidding (for those of you that know the inside joke).

Seriously though, my dad has had some heart issues over the last 3 years and after many treatments and procedures he is not showing great improvement. By great improvement I mean GREAT, he is showing good improvement with some relapses. It is getting in his head and I think he is depressed about it as he used to be a highly active person.

Here is what concerns me. This weekend he told me he wants me to take his boat and just take him fishing I go. He feels he can’t handle it anymore (alone). He’s 67, not 87 and actually in decent health. Just curious if anyone has ever gone through something similar. Any input?

Wade, your describing my dad, we’ll talk later

Take a first aid/CPR course if u haven’t yet. Take the refresher if it’s been awhile. Make sure your cell is well charged and don’t get so far away you can’t be back at the landing quickly. Then take your dad fishing and enjoy that he can still get out.

PM will be sent soon bud…

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Take a first aid/CPR course if u haven’t yet. Take the refresher if it’s been awhile. Make sure your cell is well charged and don’t get so far away you can’t be back at the landing quickly. Then take your dad fishing and enjoy that he can still get out.

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Thanks for the advice. I’ve got that covered. I am an Advanced Clinical Sonographer specializing in cardiac pathology, an EMT, and 1/2 through my Registered Nursing degree.

That is the easy part and the hard part. I have an exceptional understanding of the PHYSIOLOGY of dad’s condition. However as with my patients, I continue to struggle with the depression and mental ramifications that these diseases have on people.

Giving away an item as large and expensive as his boat just strikes me as a huge red flag RE: depression.

I talk with you guys about this, it is striking me as a growing habit that I’ve not recognized till just now. It seems I started taking him hunting more than him taking me over the last few years. D@mn………………………………….. Not sure I was ready for this. Guess it just took me off guard.

Hi Wade,

Hope your Dad is feeling GREAT soon.

Could the giving of his boat be more of a potential stress relief than depression. It’s a lot of work to maintain a boat and if he usually fishes with you he might be looking
at it that way.

Take care!

my father had quadruple bypass when he was 66, he went to physical therapy for exercise for a couple years to make sur he was doimg well with guidence and this I believe made all the difference. Ihe is almost 75 and active as ever. duck hunting almost every day of the season and walking through mude in waders. he still works out 4 days a week and he does not miiss for hardly any thing. i know every condition is different but exercise under guidence help my dad be confident he would be ok on his own, good luck

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Hi Wade,

Hope your Dad is feeling GREAT soon.

Could the giving of his boat be more of a potential stress relief than depression. It’s a lot of work to maintain a boat and if he usually fishes with you he might be looking
at it that way.

Take care!

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I never thought about that. As I am more into fishing than he is, he knows I love the maintenance and prep. You may be onto something.

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my father had quadruple bypass when he was 66, he went to physical therapy for exercise for a couple years to make sur he was doimg well with guidence and this I believe made all the difference. Ihe is almost 75 and active as ever. duck hunting almost every day of the season and walking through mude in waders. he still works out 4 days a week and he does not miiss for hardly any thing. i know every condition is different but exercise under guidence help my dad be confident he would be ok on his own, good luck

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Good thoughts. We will defiantly keep on it.

I can empathize with your Dad, I’ll only be 65 this year and find that my interest in fishing and hunting is starting to change. Now it is more about fishing with friends, son, son-in-law. I don’t see this as giving up on life or depression, there comes a time when feeling the joy is more important then the challenge, excitement or the sport. I never thought this would happen; spending time with people who are important to me – has become more important then fishing. I’m still fishing and plan to keep doing so, but there will come a day. To leave a legacy for others is part of generational development.

Im just taking a stab in the dark but it might be a confidence thing on your dad’s part. Take him out as much as you can and see if you can get to run the boat as much ad possible. See if you can get him to drive the boat on the trailer while you back in. Loading and unloading seems to be the part that people lose their confidence in.

I’m not trying to be flippant, but check this out. I was working the Northwest Sport show last year and an older guy was wistfully looking at our products. I asked him what his interest was and he shook his head. He told me that his wife had made him sell his boat over the winter. He was 81 and she didn’t want him found dead out in his boat.

I asked him if he would be any less dead if he was found in the living room, kind of jokingly, but he stiffened and a smile came across his face. Later in the afternoon he came by and shook my hand. He’d gone over and bought a small sixteen footer with a small outboard. He used the same line on his wife and she agreed, that he wouldn’t be any deader. He’d rather be out in a boat doing what he loves, rather than sitting watching cable tv.

Just something you might want to… cautiously bring up. Fishing is fun and relaxing. As long as he can drive or have someone else drive, and launch the boat, he’s probably better off out on the water. It’s better for him than snacking out of boredom watching NCIS marathons.

PS> My 85 year old stepdad will be heading up to Ely with me this summer. He can’t spend the whole day on the lake anymore, but he’ll be out there as much as he can. He still fishes the harbor in Sheboygan for salmon whenever he can.

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I’m not trying to be flippant, but check this out. I was working the Northwest Sport show last year and an older guy was wistfully looking at our products. I asked him what his interest was and he shook his head. He told me that his wife had made him sell his boat over the winter. He was 81 and she didn’t want him found dead out in his boat.

I asked him if he would be any less dead if he was found in the living room, kind of jokingly, but he stiffened and a smile came across his face. Later in the afternoon he came by and shook my hand. He’d gone over and bought a small sixteen footer with a small outboard. He used the same line on his wife and she agreed, that he wouldn’t be any deader. He’d rather be out in a boat doing what he loves, rather than sitting watching cable tv.

Just something you might want to… cautiously bring up. Fishing is fun and relaxing. As long as he can drive or have someone else drive, and launch the boat, he’s probably better off out on the water. It’s better for him than snacking out of boredom watching NCIS marathons.

PS> My 85 year old stepdad will be heading up to Ely with me this summer. He can’t spend the whole day on the lake anymore, but he’ll be out there as much as he can. He still fishes the harbor in Sheboygan for salmon whenever he can.

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I was thinking the same thing. Personally I’d rather be in the boat or deer stand when my heart beats it’s last, but it’s easy to say when I’m not dealing with health issues.

My dad has had heart issues, probably not to the extent your dad has Wade. Heart issues seem to mess with peoples heads more than other health problems. Some have turned into cardiac cripples, who are afraid of doing anything that makes their heart beat faster. I don’t know if it’s a real or imagined thing, but it is does happen to some people. As others have said, get him out and doing all the things he usually does. Make him drive the boat or load it while you back in. Switch up the activities so he proves to himself he can do it. Maybe it’s just boosting his confidence. Who better to have with him than his son, especially with your medical background.

BTW this winter has been really, really hard on people. Not only physically but mentally as well. Maybe some warm sunshine and some slab crappies are just what your dad needs.

Buzz, you sound an lot like my dad did when his interests (priorities would be more appropriate) started to change once he reached a certain age.

Wade, you sound a lot like I did when my dads attitudes/priorities etc started to change. I had a real hard time coming to grips with the changes my dad was going through because I didn’t understand why.
We (Mostly me) talked a lot about it. Long story short,in time, I came to the understanding that this is truly what he wants. In the end, that’s what it’s really all about. My advice is to talk to him about his decisions. It will help you both make this transition.

Re: Change My dad picked up bow hunting at age 72. I don’t think he ever touched a bow before that let alone take up bow hunting = I was like “Who are you and what did you do with my dad?” LOL He will be 80 in a couple days and he can’t wait to try his new bow out this fall. So who knows, maybe your dad has a few surprises like that up his sleeve too.

Funny you say that. Dad and I used to hunt a ton together. I gave up hunting and got into fishing. Dad bought the Pro Guide. Now that I am back up north and boatless I shot competition archery to have something to do during the winter. Dad bought a bow. Maybe he is just getting older and has some concerns but more so misses the hunting we used to do together.

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Here is what concerns me. This weekend he told me he wants me to take his boat and just take him fishing I go. He feels he can’t handle it anymore (alone). He’s 67, not 87 and actually in decent health. Just curious if anyone has ever gone through something similar. Any input?

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As you have already allude to, Wade, there are two parts of this equation: Your dad. And you.

One of you is dealing with the psychological implications of getting older, the other is dealing with the psychological changes of watching a loved one age. I would hasten to add here that an advanced understanding of the physiological does not prepare one for dealing with the personal psychological burden. That journey is personal and no amount of academic understanding will present you with a shortcut or an end-run around the issue.

Certainly depression is a possibility and I would say that EVERYONE should treat depression-like symptoms just as we would treat symptoms of heart attack or stroke. Depression is a medical condition, not a character fault. If you see real signs of depression, make an appointment and go with your father to discuss it with his doctor.

But on the other hand, it could be just you, Wade. Seriously, your dad may just be tired on a very practical level with dealing with the hassles of boat ownership and he may have very logically determined that the fun isn’t worth the hassle. Especially when he can outsource the maintenance hassles and expense to you!

So I would explore with your father and determine if it’s just that simple. Along the way, you may discover something about WHY he enjoys fishing. Hint: It might not be about the fish.

OK, that’s enough for one session. In our next session, we’ll explore how this all makes you feel. Don’t worry Wade, we’ll get you straightened out. The only one on this forum that I haven’t’ been able to help is BrianK, but in my defense he’s a catfisherman, so he was too far gone to save, really.

Grouse

Very well said FG.

In my case, a lot of the not understanding was because I looked at the situation from MY perspective, not so much my dads. There were signs he was changing but I just couldn’t or more, didn’t, want to believe it.
Like FG said, in the end, hassle (I would add the expense and waning physical ability as well) all played a role in my dads decision to cut back/change how he pursues his outdoor interests.

From personal experience with myself and my dad a lot of the lack of desire is simply a “been there done that”. He and I both lost the “drive”to hunt and fish as we grew older. That does not mean we did not enjoy going out but that drive to find and catch diminished. It became much more about who you were with and quite frankly if it was comfortable. Comfort meant not launching and landing by yourself, reasonable weather (who among us has not endured nasty weather in the past) and many other such creature comforts and efforts.

Aging is not just a physiologic process. Desires, priorities, wants, needs, etc all play a role.

Had a good conversation with dad today about all this stuff. He assured me that it isn’t depression related. He has every intention of taking the boat back in a year or two….maybe.

As for this year, he just knows the boat would sit in the garage and never get used. But he knows he’ll go if I call and say I’m going.

Maybe he is just being smart….knowing he now has some limits and doesn’t want to push past them. If this were me, I’d stop trying to analyze things and live for the moment…take him fishing, take him hunting, do things to create memories. None of us knows what tomorrow will hand us nor can we change what is behind us but the here and now is something that we can take charge of. Why let worry or fretting spoil that precious time?