Question??

Anybody who knows me looks at me as a pretty decent guy. I have always reached out my hand and offered help to those in need and recently I have become the target of a few upset people. I love fishing vary much as it runs deep in my blood and anyone who shows an interest in this great hobby I will gladly take them fishing whenever I have an open spot in my boat or fish house.

I have brought a total of 8 newbies to pool 4 this year and they had an absolute blast. Starting with the first stop at Evert’s bait shop for minnows and a couple pointers on what has been working to put some fish in the boat. To the time on the water and listening to the people say, “I finally realize why you drive 120 miles one way to fish here” and taking pictures of every fish or eagle they see.

Recently I brought my 2 teenage soon to be step-daughters down and spent the day on the water with them. They had an absolute blast even though the fishing was slower than usual. They came home that night and crashed hard due to the fact that they got up at 4am that morning and fished all day and returned home with me around midnight that same day. The girl’s had to go to there dads on sunday for the week and upon arrival they began to tell him about how much fun they had and how they want to go again. He responded like this, you are never going fishing with him again, he is not your father and never will be. He then called me and chewed me up one side and down the other for doing anything and everything with HIS children and how I am not going to be doing it any more.

The question I have is this: What would you do in this situation and how would you handle an angry father who does absolutely nothing with his kids and yells at them all the time? Am I doing what I should be doing when I include his children in what me and my son are doing? If I am wrong please help me out with some pointers so I don’t continue to do the wrong thing.

I’m sorry for bringing my personal business to the site and if it is not welcome please let me know.

All replies are greatly appreciated. Thank you.

If your soon to be new bride doesn’t see any harm in what your doing, then I say continue to include the two girls in everything and anything that interest them.
Ignore the ex and do what you think is best for the kids.

Give him a couple days to sober up.

Then invite him down to the resort.

The guy is just a bitter ex! I would take the girls fishing whenever you get a chance.

Do not let him pull you into his games, just be polite and do not stoop to his level. I had to play this game with my ex-wife when we got divorced 35 years ago. Did not want our son around my wife, this even carried over to my grandson when he was born.

I have learned to just ignore and realize that some people are just holes. Do not get in the middle of it with him and your future wife, unless of course he crosses the line.

Let the girls see that you are calm, cool, and supportive. Let them see their father by his actions.

Good luck and keep those fishing memories going with them!!

Its to bad that he had to respond that way. I’d have your soon to be Wife have a conversation with him. She can and should tell him as her soon to be new husband, The kids will be free to do what every her and the kids decide thay want to with you. I’d have no further conversations with him. Let the new wife to be take care of all of that. Just my .02 worth. Hopefully over time thing will get better between him and yourself. Glad you are taking the time to spend time with the kids and introducing them to the Great outdoors.

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Its to bad that he had to respond that way. I’d have your soon to be Wife have a conversation with him. She can and should tell him as her soon to be new husband, The kids will be free to do what every her and the kids decide thay want to with you. I’d have no further conversations with him. Let the new wife to be take care of all of that. Just my .02 worth. Hopefully over time thing will get better between him and yourself. Glad you are taking the time to spend time with the kids and introducing them to the Great outdoors.

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x2! Take into consideration this Aholes past. Does he have a history of violence? Can he possibly be reasoned with? You just hear too many horrible stories these days. Tread lightly and best of luck, you are doing the right thing!

I agree with the previous posters, ignore him and hope he goes away.

It sounds like these two young ladies are definitely getting an upgrade in fathers!

My stepson of 25 years and his mother ,my wife of 22 years is the best thing that has ever happened to me!
He was my son and he died my son. even though he was not my biological son.

GIVE THEM A GOOD HOME!

First off great job getting them out and it sounds like they had an absolute blast…good work dad.

I recently had the exact same thing happen to me, I was dating a woman who had two kids who’s father (and I use that term loosely) wanted little to nothing to do with them and the kids didn’t like go to his place either. One day I decided to take her boy out ice fishing, it was going to be a nice day weather-wise and the crappies were really biting well so i thought it would be perfect for him. We went out and he had an absolute blast pulling in one crappie after another. About two hours into the trip I get a phone call from my girlfriend (she NEVER called me on the ice so I knew there was a problem). She proceeded to tell me that we had to come home immediately. Apparently dad had come unannounced to get the kids and take them to do something and his son was with me fishing. When we walked it his son went nuts telling him about all the fish we caught and how much fun it was and thats when the guy came unglued on me. Basically telling me that it was his job to take his kids out to do things, and that I was nothing to them and never will be. Of course I stayed calm through the entire thing never said a word, when he was done I asked him to come out to the garage to talk to me because I didn’t want the kids to hear what I had to say. I went on to tell him that I was in no way trying to be their father, that was his job and always would be, but I was trying to be a good influence on them, introduce them to things that they otherwise wouldn’t be introduced too. Then I asked him why he was upset because he never wants the kids around or never wants to do anything with them anyways, and then laid into him about being a “father”. Two weeks later the girl and I broke up, apparently she took his side, even though she was totally on board with me taking him that day.

Again good for you for doing what you did, and if mom is okay with it then I would continue to do what you did and continue to be a good role model for the girls.

Regardless of the technicality of defining “Dad”, you have the opportunity to be the better person and give those girls the best guidance in life. Not sure of the ages, but everything you can do to have a positive influence will better the future choices they will make. Too often history repeats itself girls marrying dirtballs because that’s all they know. Show them a better life and how they should be respected, and you’ll be amazed at the results.
My brothers and sisters are technically “step”. They were older when my mother re-married, and they all made some poor choices in their younger years. Drove my father nuts. But as the years past, so did their perspective on life and the choices that they made. They came to realize how much of a dirtball their dad was, and how much their step dad was a FATHER to them.
This guy is just in jealous mode and will continue to be a for awhile. Take the higher road and give those young ladies a Father that they can respect. BTW, KUDOS for being involved. Could have been easy to just be a jerk and not care enough. The fact you posted this publicly shows you care, not only about yourself, but those girls!!!

I have been in a very similar situation going on 30 years now. When I first hooked up with my divorced GF with two kids. One 10 the other 12. The kids father is a POS to put it lightly and as you sre finding out, was/can be a PIA to deal with at times. I never entered the relationship wanting to take the place of their birth father but my goal was and is to be a friend who would support them in any way I could. Be it sports, school, advice on this or that, whatever they needed with no strings attached. Unlike their real father, it was never all about me as far as our relationship went. I wanted what was best for the kids, period! I tried/try to give them the things their real father wasn’t capable of or willing to give. Of course their father resented the heck out of that but I didn’t care. It got so bad that when my GFs daughter decided to get married her father and his side of the family would not even attend her wedding simply because HIS daughter wanted both of us to walk her down the isle.I can’t think of a more uncomfortable situation for me personally than getting up in front of people like my GFs daughter had asked me to do. I am uncomfortably in any group settings like that BUT I did it anyways because the day wasn’t about me and my insecurities. It was about my GFs daughter and what I could do to help make it a special day for her.

Relationships like this can be tough. There is always that gray area where (at least for me) I wasn’t sure how to procede. BIG decisions I left totally to the kids parents of course but I was and always will be there 24/7 for either of them if they ever need me. Focus on that and you can’t go worng.

It’s been 30 years now. ( Sheesh, Where does the time go LOL)and both kids are gone and have/will have families of their own now.I have no children of my own but my GFs kids are as close as it gets I figure.

I am getting long winded but my advice to you would be to make the relationship all about the kids. Not by buying them THINGS but by being a friend an mentor.The journey will not be easy at times but in the end it’s well worth the effort.

Re: The dad. In your situation, don’t sweat the kids dad. He will either come around or he won’t. Again, Focus on doing right by the kids and you will be alright.

In a few weeks, my GFs daughter will be giving birth to their first child and yours truely was asked to be the childs grandfather and godfather. I can’t freakin wait!

Just keep proving you are a good guy and in TIME he will see you are also there for the girls. I had the same situation and in fact I was the bitter Dad! I never said anything to my son’s step father but I sure thought it. I am very glad I didn’t now because he is a great man and is 100% there for my son. In the end it worked out pretty good for my son. He has more solid male role models now then most kids! It is hard to see someone else raise your kids! The only thing that will make it better is time.

So did their “dad” yell at the kids? That’s BS. It’s one thing to be jealous or upset that the kids were tired from hanging out with you all day, but to put any of that on the kids is BS.

Geeman, my story is almost a copy of yours. Long story/short my step son soon lost interest in his father. I tried to have my wife talk to her ex about this but he ignored her advice. Now 22 years later he is trying to rebuild the relationship. My step son was reluctant at first but is now also working at the lost father/son relationship. Sad that his father wasted 22 great years. To many people use the kids as a weapon in a divorce and it almost always comes back to slap them in the face. It’s not a game it’s life!

Ask their mother. If she doesn’t mind, then ask the girls what they want to do. If they are teenagers then they are old enough to make up their own minds on who they want to spend their time with.

Ignore the idiot, let him say what he wants but don’t stoop to his level or you will leave a bad impression on the kids.

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Recently I brought my 2 teenage soon to be step-daughters down and spent the day on the water with them. They had an absolute blast even though the fishing was slower than usual.

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There you go, the girls will not remember the bickering dad but will the time you spent with them on the water. I think you’re doing an amazing job with your new family.

I’m a step dad myself and completly understand everything your going through and it sucks. Fact is when a sad excuse for a dad is feeling like he is being replaced instead of stepping up they attack the other person. Countinue doing what you are with the support of your wife and let him dig his hole.

If the damn Amish can have a mafia, I think IDO certainly can. Maybe start one, ruffle his feathers a bit, be the silent hand behind the scenes

Your already the better man for those ‘soon to be step daughters’! Take ’em fishing. Continue to be kind. “you da man’! !

I’d ignore him and take those kids fishing. Tell them maybe its best if they don’t give “dad” any reports.

Kids are smart and sooner or later this idiots behavior will bite his own butt.

Thank you all for the great advice and I think I will just keep on doing what Im doing and if he doesn’t like it he can go suck an egg

He is actually mad at himself that he doesn’t provide the fun times with his daughters like you just did…

He is mad at himself and taking it out on you…

Keep playing the cool guy and you will look like a genius.

Well allot has been said and is great advice. It’s to bad that egg and sperm donors can’t seem to think about anybody but themselves. I wish my ex would have had someone like yourself in her life. Instead the people she put in her life where terrible for my girls but I guess that is why I got full custody after awhile.
Work with your new bride and take care of those girls as if they where your own blood.

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Keep playing the cool guy and you will look like a genius.

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Well, I wouldn’t go that far…