Monday Joke

  • Jim Kissinger
    Markesan WI
    Posts: 123
    #1357222

    A woman goes into Bass Pro Shop in Calgary to buy a rod and reel for her
    grandson s birthday. She doesn’t know which one to choose so she takes one
    over to the counter.

    A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades.

    She says, “Excuse me, sir, Can you tell me anything about this rod and
    reel?”

    He says, “Ma’am, I’m completely blind; but if you’ll drop it on the counter,
    I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.”

    She doesn’t believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

    He says, “That’s a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco
    404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It’s a good all around combination and it’s
    on sale this week for only $20.00.”

    She says, “It’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it
    dropping on the counter. I’ll take it!”

    As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

    “Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,” he says.

    She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really
    embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it
    was she who tooted.
    Being blind, he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around.

    The man rings up the sale and says, “That’ll be $34.50 please.”

    The woman is totally confused by this and asks, “Didn’t you tell me the rod
    and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?”

    He replies, “Yes, Ma’am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is
    $11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50.”

    suzuki
    Woodbury, Mn
    Posts: 18844
    #1393313

    As a Bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral
    director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man.
    He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a
    pauper’s cemetery in the Nova Scotia backwoods

    As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being
    a typical man, I didn’t stop for directions.
    I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had
    evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were
    only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I
    felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.

    I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault
    lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I
    started to play.

    The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around.

    I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends.
    I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man.
    And as I played “Amazing Grace”, the workers began to weep. They
    wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up
    my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head was hung low,
    my heart was full.

    As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say,
    “I never seen nothing like that before and I’ve been putting in
    septic tanks for twenty years.”

    chomps
    Sioux City IA
    Posts: 3974
    #1393354

    brought a tear to my eye!

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