Favorite quotes or Sayings

Jon Jordan wrote:

I strive to be the person my dog thinks I am.

-J.

yonkers! That just hit a chord.

I came up with my own “Better to be a smarta$$ than a dumba$$!”

“You’re Unique…..Just like everyone else…”

“When I grow up, I want to be a garbage man……So I only have to work one day a week!”

You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but don’t pick your friends nose.

Somebody’s gonna have to hump that cow, cause we sure as heck need that calf.

Never pet a burning dog.

Trust in God but lock your door.

Treat it like a sore ____. Don’t ____ with it.

dad: did you dump the garbage?
me: I was gonna (was going to)
dad: The road to hell is paved with “was gonna’s”.

If bullstuf was pennies you’d be a millionaire!

IF this IF that… etc.etc..

“If my aunt had nuts she’d be my uncle”

Best one ever. My 3yr old daughter last night. “Good night daddy, Luv you”

Something my kids are sick of hearing.

Good decisions, good results
Bad decisions, bad results

Becuase no good stories have started with a salad

This one is devoted to a certain IDO member renowned for his loquacity…

“Blessed is the man, who when having nothing to say, abstains from providing wordy evidence of the fact.”

I’m sure it’s been said, but my parents would say anything worth doing is worth doing right.

Great advice, but I went with only work as hard as you have to keep working.

Should have tarped that load

Slicker then Coon sh-t on a pump handle.

Not a saying but one of my very favorite poems.

GO PLACIDLY amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

By Max Ehrmann © 1927
Original text

crap or get off of the pot.

quit sit’n on the fence,sooner or later it will split you plum in two and you still wont be where you need to be in life.

bitter and sweet water cannot come from the same well.

if you was as tall as you are stupid,you would have to sleep at the airport.

if brains were gasoline,yours wouldnt be enough to power a pizz ants go-cart half way around the inside of a cheerio.

my folks never had the birds and bees talk with me when I was younger,the only thing I was ever told was by my dad when I was about seventeen years old a long time ago.
we were working on a tractor getting it ready to mow hay and dad looks down at me and says,son,I know you and that pretty little gal have been dating a long time now and I am not so old that I dont remember those days when nature would come calling while you was parked out in a cornfield driveway.
he continued with,son,I raised you and I aint raising your kids,(he pointed at my 68 chevelle super sport and said) when you gotter pinned against the hood and you feel that red hot screaming urge,jerk it out and shoot it over the top of the car.
I still have tears running down my face from laughing so hard when I think about that day !!

That’s good stuff iowaboy….. classic.