Favorite quotes or Sayings

Don’t take yourself too seriously cause nobody else will.

Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge, others just gargle.

If your name isn’t Bigwerm you’ll never be in a Seafoam ad.

The lord only gives you so many breathes I’m through using mine trying to help you you’ll learn the hard way from here on out since you don’t listen. MY DAD

Until you are the lead dog the view is always the same.

The only free cheese is the cheese in the mouse trap.

Even the blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while

My cousin with 4 daughters and one son came up with this one:
“There are some things you need to have a penis to be able to understand”

I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.

“Another victim of incorrect thinking “

I think Yogi Berra had some of the best quotes ever.

“When you come to a fork in the road…. take it.”
“You can observe a lot by just watching.”
“It ain’t over till it’s over.”
“We made too many wrong mistakes.”
“No one goes there nowadays, it’s too crowded.”
“I always thought the record would stand until it was broken.”
“Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good, too.”
“In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.”
“Pair up in threes.”
“You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there.”
“The future ain’t what it used to be.”
“I usually take a two-hour nap from 1 to 4.”
“If the world was perfect, it wouldn’t be.”
“You don’t have to swing hard to hit a home run. If you got the timing, it’ll go.”
“Ninety percent of the game is half mental.”
“Never answer an anonymous letter.”
“Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel.”
“Take it with a grin of salt.”
“It gets late early out here.”
“I never said most of the things I said.”

The sun shines on dogs A$$ once in awhile.

“I’LL GUT YOU LIKE FISH” the grinch

That will make a turd

“What one man can do another man can do and to day Bob I’m going to the kill mother f**Ker” The edge

“Grab the bull by the horns” my grandfather

If you’re looking for sympathy it’s in the dictionary between poop and syphilis

YES Dwalton!
Yogi Berra! Shut it down!

I use Pair up in threes whenever I play golf! With a foursome that is…

I have a few that come to mind but my favorites came from my grandpa. He was diabetic and would occasionally have low sugar level episode.

Sitting at the table with my dad staring out a window-
“If I only knew what I knew, I’d be the smartest man alive!”

Talking about my grandma to to my dad- “she’s trying to kill me you know”

Don’t take life to seriously, nobody makes it out alive anyway

Usually after using shovels to level a grain bin back in the day in ND…

“That’ll put muscles in your sh*t.”

“Aw, nuts!” Said the Queen – “if I had 2, I’d be King!”

When you have a son you only need to worry about 1 dick in the neighborhood – when you have a daughter you have to worry about all the dicks in the neighborhood

Winston Churchill:

A free Press is the unsleeping guardian of every other right that freemen prize; it is the most dangerous foe of tyranny.
All the great things are simple, and many can be expressed in a single word: freedom, justice, honor, duty, mercy, hope.
Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfils the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.
He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
If you have ten thousand regulations you destroy all respect for the law.
If you’re going through hell, keep going.
The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries.
To improve is to change, so to be perfect is to have changed often.
We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.

Also John Cleese – If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

Passing a cemetery, “people are just DYEING to get in there!”

My old boss, “time is money, and right now you’re wasting both!”

Go ask your mom

Go ask your dad

I’ve forgotten more then you’ll ever learn

Never make the same mistake once

Wise men learn from the mistakes of others

If wanna keep pennies in yer pockets, keep yer peener in yer pants

Great thread!
Loving the Yogi quotes.

From a Canadian acquaintance known for quotes.
“He’s about as sharp as a cue ball.”
“A 4×4 outhouse! That’s not even big enough to j#?k off in.”

A friend once said:
“That <object> doesn’t have enough butt to pull a limp d%@k out of a warm bucket of grease.”

“If you’re in good enough shape to run 3 miles a day, you’re in good enough shape not to”

“That guy is 3 crappies short of a full stringer”

“We give fast service, no matter how long it takes”

“Hook sets are free”

Best quote and lesson in life was from watching my dog “kick some dirt over that sh!t and move on and don’t look back”

“My biggest worry is that when I’m dead and gone my wife will sell my fishing equipment for what I said I paid for it”….Koos Brant

Those that preach preach to themselves those that debate learn.
One man’s sermon of faith must not beź discounted. Y

“If God had not meant for us to masturbate he’d have made our arms shorter.”
– George Carlin

Who’s we, u got a turd in you pocket.

From the late Eddie Long, who introduced me to lots of tricks in the machine shop.

Eddie: You should have bought two of those hats.
Me: Why?
Eddie: Then you’d have one to ____ in and one to cover it up with.

“Some days you’re the dog, some days you’re the wheel”