Children and Cell phone / Tablet usage ???

I have recently started to limit my teen age daughters cell phone usage. To say that I am not the most popular father right now is a understatement. Of course my daughter wants to think of this as being punished in some way. I told her that is not it, its just that I’m concerned about some of the possible health and social issues that are being linked to over usage of them. This has me thinking about how others are handling the issue within their homes. I’m curious of how much time others are limiting their children’s usage to ( I think this may be different based on age ) Are they monitoring what content is being accessed ( If so How ?? ) For the most part I trust my daughter, and its not like I think she is doing anything on the phone that she should not be ( Then again as parents how do we know for sure ) I’m mostly concerned about the unknown long term effects of over usage of these electronics.

I agree. I would think that usage limits are best if set in place early on for kids. If you suddenly try to limit their use as a teenager but have not limited prior it will be an uphill battle, but one that is still worth fighting. I would just explain that is because you love them and want what’s best for their brain and someday they will understand.

Interested in what others do, as my kids are little and will be an issue for us at some point I’m sure.

We’ve explained that the advancement of technology is a double edged sword. Great for staying in touch and close with family and friends but also makes us vulnerable to scum bags if not careful. Our rule is that he is only allowed to interact with people online that he knows offline.

He also knows that we can and regularly do go through every aspect of his online, network life. Honestly, it’s not a matter of whether we trust him or not because we do. It is because it is so much easier to get yourself into a boat load of trouble and as parents we need to educate him on how to maximize the positives while minimizing the negatives. We found one popular app that was virtually impossible for us to monitor; even from his phone, so that one has been banned.

We do not have a strict usage policy, but he can only stand so much before he wants to do something else anyway. If he were more apt to having his phone consume him then we would have a policy but so far he’s been good about it.

Another rule we do have is that the phone stays on the counter at bedtime. You’d be surprised by the number of texts that he gets after I’m sure kids are supposed to be in bed.

Ryan Speers

It sounds like you have a son. I think that is a big advantage with this issue. I believe it is a whole lot bigger issue with Girls than boys. At least it sounds like it from my research and talking with other parents that have both boys and girls. As far as monitoring his usage and history, from what I’m told by several friends who work in tech data fields – Kids can become really good at covering and hiding their usage and history if they really want to be. Unless some sort of parent monitoring app is installed. They tell me some kids have way more data covering skills than they can keep up with. This is coming from people who work in this field daily. If they can’t stay ahead of kids on this, I know that I have little to no shot.

You have to set limits on tech just like everything else. You’re right to do it and like any other limit, they’ll pout about, complain about it, and then get used to it.

Also, this is another area where you have to set a good TechExample. We have a no-phones at the table rule and the kids are good at very rightly calling out anyone who looks at a phone at the table, so it’s good that they see that rules apply to everyone and I think it makes tech limits feel a lot less like punishment.

My 2 kids aged 10 and 8 have always had Amazon Kindle tablets and as of Christmas they have an Xbox. We limit the Xbox on school days and they get more time on weekends but not unlimited.

Since the tablets have never been a “treat” where they are limited, the kids treat them as any other toy. Sometimes they’re all about them, sometimes they sit for a week and aren’t used once. We haven’t needed to limit these.

Now YouTube is a different story. My kids are both crazy about watching damn how-to Minecraft vids on YouTube. To me it’s the most boring thing on earth, watching some 17-year-old play a video game. Go figure. But the kids freaking love it, so they’re on a limit on YouTube time.

I can see where limiting tweens and teens on phone time would be hard, but necessary.

Most ISP services offer software that lets you see devices that are logged on and let you set limits for each device. You can also see where each device is going online, although the URLs don’t always tell the story because you can’t really tell if a given YouTube video or Facebook page is approprate just by url.

Also, be aware that for every method of limiting or blocking content, the kids know how to google hacks to get around it. You have to watch and see if devices that are supposed to be shut down are going online when they shouldn’t be.

Grouse

Good topic, I’d be interested to see at what age people get their kids tablets and phones too? I know some parents will change the Wifi code as a means to get the kids done with chores before it’s “unlocked”, but not sure if that would work w/ phones or if you can limit the phone to calls/texts when not on Wifi…

fishthumper wrote:

Ryan Speers

It sounds like you have a son. I think that is a big advantage with this issue. I believe it is a whole lot bigger issue with Girls than boys. At least it sounds like it from my research and talking with other parents that have both boys and girls. As far as monitoring his usage and history, from what I’m told by several friends who work in tech data fields – Kids can become really good at covering and hiding their usage and history if they really want to be. Unless some sort of parent monitoring app is installed. They tell me some kids have way more data covering skills than they can keep up with. This is coming from people who work in this field daily. If they can’t stay ahead of kids on this, I know that I have little to no shot.

As I was typing my response I almost included: I bet this is harder with girls.

Lots of kids in my son’s 4th grade class are getting phones. It seems like this is the year that it really starts to kick in.

We’ve told both kids there’s no way they’re getting a phone at 10. There’s a 12-year-old minimum in this house and that’s not a guarantee, it’s based on school and home performance.

Werm, there’s a lot of ways to limit use but the bad news is it varies by device and by cell phone carrier.

Grouse

This is a topic I have nothing to add to but will be watching. My kids are still young and think Dad is the coolest! I know that will change soon though

Joe Scegura wrote:

This is a topic I have nothing to add to but will be watching. My kids are still young and think Dad is the coolest! I know that will change soon though

Enjoy these days. If you have girls, I’m fairly certain that when she becomes a Teenager – You will become far from the coolest Teenage girls can lead to way to much of this

When it came to my girls, I was the prick that it seems other fathers were afraid to be. I set the rules, I was judge, jury, and hangman when the rules were violated.
HOWEVER, I was open and explained why.

Your a loan wolf on this path. Everyone thought I was a mean SOB. Im proud of how successful my girls are and that didn’t happen by accident. My suggestion is to remember communication is key, talk and explain things often.

Our guy will be 14 in March. Asked last year if he wanted a phone. His response and I quote “No, why do I want one of those things, all my friends do is look at them and get in trouble with all the drama.” Were very proud that he saw the good and bad of it and did not want any part of it. He does now have a phone but does not use it often. Sure that will change but we set limits on his screen time be it PS4 or phone. Reserve the right to look at ANYTHING he does on his phone and ALL texts.

He understands that is just a tool and not a lifestyle. And he would rather read a book, go exercise or goof around with us and the dog.

Set the rules, stick too them and I agree with Randy….talk and explain.

Joe Scegura wrote:

This is a topic I have nothing to add to but will be watching. My kids are still young and think Dad is the coolest! I know that will change soon though

I’m in this same boat. My nephews 8 and 9 both have phones. I find it ridiculous. And my son 7 asks when he can have one. I keep saying when he is 15. We have tablets and laptops and a ps4 in my house. I try not to allow any screen time for him. There is many many other things to do. But every once and a great while he can play angry birds or something of that form. Very little. Maybe once a month

My daughter, (now 35) never had a phone , ipad or tablet till she went to college then it was a laptop. We never had an issue with the wants from her. When she was small and we had our first desktop she had supervised time on it with educational programs geared towards reading writing and math.

Tv was limited also. Homework was always first and we looked it over to be sure she was understanding it.

Strict and held her to toe the mark, yes we did!

She graduated with honors in HS. College she held a 3.99 finishing in 3 1/3 years with a major and minor. During that time she had 3 to 4 jobs. One was participating with the professor in class presentations to underclassmen.

Today she is raising her own family of a soon to be 3 year old and one on the way. She works for maybe the largest consulting company in the world Stantec, and travels all of Canada and most of the USA.

She lives on the North border of Vancouver Island now for the last 7 or 8 years, the distance is only softened by a great program like Skype! Mom and Dad are not proud of our daughter at all! HA!! (sarcasm)

Being my youngest is now 30 were long past that,but we did have time limits of online time with one desktop in the family room for all to see what’s going on.

That said,
I now have grandkids, 11yo grandson, 2 – 8yo granddaughters (different families).

At 7 or 8yo they each got a phone watch, programmed by parents with 2 friends numbers, parents phones and 1 or 2 grand parent phones.

These were not bought so much for the phone but as GPS Trackers, as the parent can set a schedule on a map (say limits around a school) and if the kid with watch leaves that boundary it alerts the parents. Thus multiple boundaries with schedules. Can never know what might happen these days, just a safety precaution.

11yo got a I-phone for Xmas, yes, my contact information is loaded and he now text’s me regularly. We have some great conversations. He also got a computer that sits in family room, but it’s his for school work and other research, such as for helping his dad install some high performance add-ons on their Mustang GT this summer.

Another item with kids is as a blended family, bringing my 2 daughters and her 2 sons under one roof we had many family rules. When it came to driving, they had to pay part of the auto insurance. We paid 1/2 of the Good Student rate, to drive they had to pay the other 1/2 plus anything over. Only the youngest made the mistake of not being on the honor roll, cost him $600 extra.

Now, that all said 3 of 4 are married, own their own homes, and all 4 are successful in their own way.

Keep the rules, explain them and don’t back down. Family time however is a must.

Randy Wieland wrote:

When it came to my girls, I was the prick that it seems other fathers were afraid to be. I set the rules, I was judge, jury, and hangman when the rules were violated.
HOWEVER, I was open and explained why.

Your a loan wolf on this path. Everyone thought I was a mean SOB. Im proud of how successful my girls are and that didn’t happen by accident. My suggestion is to remember communication is key, talk and explain things often.

X2
I am proud of my 3 kids (2 boys & 1 girl) all have good jobs and are well respected at work and in the community.

I’m in the same boat as Mr. Grouse. I have and 8 year old boy and 10 year old girl. Tablets are limited to an hour of use each day. Which they both pretty much spend on You-Tube watching ridiculous Mine-craft or Hello Neighbor videos. I don’t get it. Boring as can be. I give them both crap about it..

My 10 year old wants a phone in the worst way! NO! Not happening! “But, all the kids on the bus have one!?” Not happening till at least 12. Maybe later. We do have a landline for them to use to call their friends & family.

My 8 year old has an Xbox but doesn’t play it very often. Maybe a little bit on weekend mornings. He’s definitely easier to keep “happy” than the 10 year old.

My FW has the tablets setup to where they can’t download anything without her password. So far they haven’t figured a way around it.

If the word “bored” comes out their mouth, I put them to work. So I don’t hear that from them very often. Plus, they both are to go outside and play with our 8 month old German Shepard for at least an hour each day. It has worked good for us. Tires the puppy out a little and gets them outside to be creative and find things to do. I always tell them to go EXPLORE! Sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t. But they find ways to keep themselves entertained.

If the word “bored” comes out their mouth, I put them to work. So I don’t hear that from them very often. Plus, they both are to go outside and play with our 8 month old German Shepard for at least an hour each day. It has worked good for us. Tires the puppy out a little and gets them outside to be creative and find things to do. I always tell them to go EXPLORE! Sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t. But they find ways to keep themselves entertained.
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Ha ha as if the German ever gets tired. Maybe for 10 minutes and then right back to 100 percent. We have 2 and they are the same way

My son spent president’s day at his cousins. They taught him how to make a youtube account and make his own mindcrap videos that he also loves to watch so much. (he is 7) He came home Monday night and asked if I would upload his movie he made. I said I have to watch it first than I will let him know. It was 2-1/2 hours long! When I saw that I said no way. It is a battle limiting screen time. During the week he gets no screen time unless he does some cleaning or chores to earn it. I have been doing this for 2 weeks now and my house is so clean.
I still have thing to figure out and will be watching this thread. Great topic.

To those of you who have younger children ( Like it looks like several of you do ) It was fairly easy for me to control when my daughter was younger. The whole phone issue became a problem when she was around 13 ( I believe that girls become possessed by something evil around that age ) and has become even worse now that she is nearing 16. Unfortunately at this age these phones seem to be such a big part of their lives. To those of you who have said they have set a Age limit until their children get a cell phone – I say 2 things: Stick to your decided age limit and GOOD LUCK !!!! Another thing I think is really important is for both of the parents to be on the same page when it comes to decisions on usage. Nothing worse than not agreeing on this issue and the child using the different views against each other.

1. Make sure your teenage child has an alarm clock. You should not be their alarm clock, nor should a cell phone.

2. Set a time for the device to be on the counter charging for the night. Don’t allow the phone in their room at night.

3. No phones at the table for any family member.

4. Be firm with expectations. Do not ever argue or debate with a child. Tell them how it will be and follow through.

5. Stay off your own phone at home when the entire family is around. Encourage conversation, eye contact, and being active. From someone who works with younger people daily – these are 3 of the most lacking attributes in our youth. Remember that you are an example whether a teenager will admit it or not.

I am 14 years old and I have grown up without a phone. My parents have never had cell phones, we have internet, a computer, and my brother and I have tablets, and if my parents feel we are being on them too much, they don’t let us be on anymore. All in all, I think that kids now days would be much better off with much more limited electronic usage, I can just see how dull so many kids’ lives are, now that everything that they do is virtual.

buckybager

First of all – Those are some excellent comments. 1-3 are all recent rules put in place at our home. Still need to do some additional work on 4 and 5.

2nd – Curious if you have children of your own?

Only reason I ask is that I’m always getting advise from family and friends who don’t have any children of there own. Not that their advise is not valid and often correct – Its just that its easy for them to say how they would handle things – But much harder than they realize in real life.

Ahren Wagner wrote:

I am 14 years old and I have grown up without a phone. My parents have never had cell phones, we have internet, a computer, and my brother and I have tablets, and if my parents feel we are being on them too much, they don’t let us be on anymore. All in all, I think that kids now days would be much better off with much more limited electronic usage, I can just see how dull so many kids’ lives are, now that everything that they do is virtual.

Good for you Ahren. Keep enjoying the great outdoors and your life will never be dull.

fishthumper wrote:

buckybager

First of all – Those are some excellent comments. 1-3 are all recent rules put in place at our home. Still need to do some additional work on 4 and 5.

2nd – Curious if you have children of your own?

Only reason I ask is that I’m always getting advise from family and friends who don’t have any children of there own. Not that their advise is not valid and often correct – Its just that its easy for them to say how they would handle things – But much harder than they realize in real life.

I do not have any children of my own. I’m happily married with intentions of having children. Unfortunately that blessing hasn’t been granted to us yet due to more complications that we ever could have imagined for seemingly healthy, active people in our early 30’s. We do however have our nieces and nephews weekly and enjoy children. I’ve been a teacher, athletic director, and coach for over a decade. I run camps with teenagers, have employed many in the Summer months, and see adolescents in a multitude of settings.

In the coaching/AD/teaching world there are a ton of examples of what NOT to do and what to follow with regard to parenting. The ideas I listed are ones that we commonly share as a group of coaches and as a district to parents combating the tech struggles associated with teenagers. We try our best to put these same expectations in-place for our teams.

Examples: Every Thursday night after practices we have a team meal with ~50 varsity teenagers and coaches. There are no phones allowed whatsoever and the players now actually police one another or call out coaches for fielding calls during this time. We also do not allow electronics of any type (even headphones) on the field during pre-game, warmups, or in the film rooms at any time. Phones must be turned-in to a bin in the coaches office as they arrive before games on Fridays with their completed scouting reports and are given back to the athletes with a handshake, eye contact, and a “see-ya tomorrow” on Friday nights after hitting the showers.

Ahren Wagner wrote:

I am 14 years old and I have grown up without a phone. My parents have never had cell phones, we have internet, a computer, and my brother and I have tablets, and if my parents feel we are being on them too much, they don’t let us be on anymore. All in all, I think that kids now days would be much better off with much more limited electronic usage, I can just see how dull so many kids’ lives are, now that everything that they do is virtual.

If you haven’t thanked your parents already, some day you will. Great to hear!

buckybadger

I wish you and your wife all the best in your desire to have children. Although there are some rough parenting days, I would not change it for anything. I also want to say thank you for you chosen profession of teaching. I know you do not receive as many Thank yous as you deserve. It sounds like you are doing a excellent job of preparing many young children to become great members of our society

buckybadger wrote:

<div class=”d4p-bbt-quote-title”>Ahren Wagner wrote:</div>
I am 14 years old and I have grown up without a phone. My parents have never had cell phones, we have internet, a computer, and my brother and I have tablets, and if my parents feel we are being on them too much, they don’t let us be on anymore. All in all, I think that kids now days would be much better off with much more limited electronic usage, I can just see how dull so many kids’ lives are, now that everything that they do is virtual.

If you haven’t thanked your parents already, some day you will. Great to hear!

X2 what buckybadger said – Don’t wait for someday – Tell them now. Parents are not always sure that their children appreciate and understand all the things we do for them – I am sure they would be really glad to hear it from you.