Asking Father for Permission

I got married to my wife in less than 1 month. She was out of the house as was I. to put it mildly her folks were not to happy with the quicky wedding. My wife told me she wishes I would have asked her dad but I felt the way things were going all ready let that dog lie I figured I was 21 she was 26 I didn’t need his permission. Shortly after being married my father in law told me he had never been so happy having someone else take over the payments and not have to fix her car after we were married. 26 years coming up in September.

lindyrig79 wrote:

I asked. In most cases (not all) I think it’s the right thing to do.

I still clearly remember his (father in law) response. “We’d be honored if you did”.

I asked too.

Her parents response was “Of course.”…..followed closely by…..”It’s about damn time!”

I asked. Super awkward conversation and I think both of us wish I hadn’t .

BigWerm wrote:

I asked. Super awkward conversation and I think both of us wish I hadn’t .

This is hilarious

I did not. Mrs. Grouse’s father had made it abundantly clear that the only thing worse than his only daughter dating an American would be if she were to marry the aforementioned.

Needless to say, it did not impress me that anything productive would come of the conversation. I do regret that he chose to deny me the opportunity because to do so is very traditional. Instead, I asked her grandfather, whom I knew somewhat better and he was overjoyed for us and said yes.

Mrs. Grouse’s father did not attend our wedding, something that I resented for years not for my own sake, but for hers.

Grouse

I figured if he was going to pay for most of the wedding I’d ask. In all seriousness I asked my wife first. She excepted but requested I ask her father. Which I did. A little backwards but I’m Polish by descent so figure the odds. 30 years this October.

My future son-in-law asked for permission to DATE my daughter. Yet never asked for permission to MARRY her.

You know what they say,,,,,,,, Give ’em an inch, they’ll take a mile.

The first time my wife brought me home to meet her parents while we were dating, Her parents took us to Mille Lacs fishing (my first time – sconny native).

When it was time, I figured while he and I were fishing on Mille Lacs would be a good time to have the talk about his daughter. I don’t remember exactly how it went but mostly ended with….”ya ya now get the net!”

17.5 years later …..still fishing Mille Lacs and more.

suzuki wrote:

I think the traditions is more inline with daughters living at home with their parents.

Idk, FD hasn’t been at home for 5 years.

My daughter’s boyfriend never asked, they told me they were getting married he was good kid. I told them I’m good I don’t gotta live with him.

My ex… Well we had a kid.. so my MIL got a bit excited. She didn’t think we should have a traditional wedding. I told her fine we will do it without her blessing. She came around.

FW #2… We lived together for a year. Dated 3 months and she and her kids moved in. Both are parents were happy. At that point I didn’t feel it necessary to ask. My FIL did say I couldn’t bring her back though. The looks on my wife’s mom was priceless and here we are 30 years later.

Call me a traditionalist, on many levels. I always felt that there’s something very honorable in asking. If the man doesn’t have enough balls to ask the father, how much of a man is he? (Hypothetically speaking of course). Yes the father can say no, and back when, I think alot of girls valued their fathers opinion. So, the relationship between boyfriend and dad should be worked on from the beginning of dating. What dad wouldn’t want to gain a son? Or are you just getting rid of a daughter? You’re going to be family, and having a heart to heart talk with the man is the least any kid could do. I guess I think it should be in the back of the BFs mind while dating, knowing he better not act like an idiot if he’s going to prove he’s worthy of the daughters hand….
For the record, after a friendship with my FWs Dad and family for 5 years, I asked his permission. He said No. I talked to his daughter about it and she said he’s stubborn and wouldn’t likely ever say yes, but she was very impressed that I asked and gained even more respect for me. I asked her the next week, and she said yes. He got over it quickly.

I asked.

The Mrs. would have been mad if I didn’t. We’re old fashioned and believe it’s a great tradition that shows respect for the elders and family heirarchy already in place long before the relationship began.

Congrats, BK!

Hey BK, ya might need to upgrade the Yacht if we are all invited to the wedding!!

Congrats, I think both you & your daughter are getting a good guy.

I did not ask. Figured I wasn’t marrying him. Wife’s answer was the only one that mattered.

My future FIL was out of the home so I didn’t ask. Beside that my wife asked me for my hand in marriage. I supposed she asked her mom first. That was almost 40 years ago. It turned out okay.

I was asked and know many on both sides of this.
When you are asked, take it as a sign of respect!

Best Wishes and note: Destination Weddings can be much cheaper.

Never asked. 27 yrs later, it didn’t/doesn’t matter.

The fw sister’s ex-husband asked and did the whole song and dance. I know my fil would have rather missed the song and dance tradition of asking, and had him not cheat on his daughter and divorce her.

Our daughter is married to a marine. Respectful guy. He never asked. I didn’t care, still don’t. Subject got brought up once, I looked him square in his soul and said, take care of my daughter and grandkids, that’s all I care about. He nodded, and that’s all I needed. He’s done that and more. He knew what I meant and I knew what the head nod meant, I’m a guy and prefer nonverbal communicattion. Glad she married a guy who has an understanding of what’s expected out of him as a husband and father, rather than trying to please a stupid tradition, for traditions sake and making other people happy. If you like the tradition and a guy does it, great. But doesn’t mean they are an upstanding individual because they do. Have known more marriages fail where the tradition was kept vs the guys that don’t. Not trying to defend one way or the other, just a trend I’ve seen and am sure that can be proven to be the oddity/exception vs the rule.

I’ve always lived by the “its easier to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission” mantra, so didn’t ask. We were both in our 30s anyway and she had been out of the house for a while. We’d been dating for 2 years, when we arrived at Christmas with a ring on her finger her dad said “Well it’s about time!”

So, all you traditionalists……when it came time for the divorce did you tell your father in law or did you make her do it?

Dutchboy wrote:

So, all you traditionalists……when it came time for the divorce did you tell your father in law or did you make her do it?

Ha, at that point who really cares

Coletrain27 wrote:

<div class=”d4p-bbt-quote-title”>Dutchboy wrote:</div>
So, all you traditionalists……when it came time for the divorce did you tell your father in law or did you make her do it?

Ha, at that point who really cares

Us traditionalists dont believe in divorce. For sicker and poorer. Till death do us part….

bigpike wrote:

<div class=”d4p-bbt-quote-title”>Coletrain27 wrote:</div>

<div class=”d4p-bbt-quote-title”>Dutchboy wrote:</div>
So, all you traditionalists……when it came time for the divorce did you tell your father in law or did you make her do it?

Ha, at that point who really cares

Us traditionalists dont believe in divorce. For sicker and poorer. Till death do us part….

Do you believe in “hell on earth?”

It certainly is possible.. choose carefully

Dutchboy wrote:

So, all you traditionalists……when it came time for the divorce did you tell your father in law or did you make her do it?

Celebrated 19 amazing years last Tuesday. Please don’t insinuate traditions lead to failures. I would think you’re smarter than that. You could follow every tradition ever, or none at all. It all depends on the people involved, not the tradition.

We made a promise to God and our families on that wonderful day. I’ll keep it till the day I die.

My son in laws ask us less than 24 hours apart and neither knew the other was doing it. They were married 5 months apart, spend.

I should note they didn’t really ask as much as told us how much they loved them and wanted to spend their lives with them. They both took us out to dinner and it was extremely nice.

belletaine wrote:

My son in laws ask us less than 24 hours apart and neither knew the other was doing it. They were married 5 months apart, spend.

I should note they didn’t really ask as much as told us how much they loved them and wanted to spend their lives with them. They both took us out to dinner and it was extremely nice.

2 free dinners back to back would be nice

I asked my father in law and actually i sat my dad down before hand as well couple years back and everything went smoothly. Have a son now and no daughters but i will be giving the same advise to my son when the time comes. It was a little bonding thing that goes a long way.

Bearcat89 wrote:

If the father would say no then what, is the guy supposed to leave your daughter? Or just not ask to marry her?
Always intrigued me if trying to play the big tough guy showing off guns and such helped? I would maybe ask just for tradition but if I was told no I would still ask anyways. I get if the guy were a scumbag but in that case he probably would care less about the fathers opinion any ways

I asked my FIL for his blessing, instead of permission. I knew he would say yes, but I was going to ask her either way.
Dan

I asked for it and I hope when my daughter’s future husband is ready he will ask me as well. For the record it does still happen but it’s the ones that still understand respect and integrity.

It’s just the right thing to do. Unless you think they might say no I suppose.