Asking Father for Permission

Does it happen anymore?
Does anyone for their daughter’s hand in marriage?

About two weeks ago Ear Ring Boy (Brian) asked me if he could ask THE question.
Of course being the jerk that I am, I told him that I had to think about it. I thought it was funny but the Favorite Wife didn’t. So I approved.

I told him I wanted to be there when he asked her…but that was voted down with one solid “don’t be ridiculous” from the FW. Sometimes I wonder who’s side she’s on…but that’s another story.

Judging by the number of text messages with photos, I’m thinking he asked her last night and she must of accepted.

I told them both that if they can celebrate their 20th anniversary and if I’m still around I’ll have my ears pierced in honor of them. (no tat’s though)

Attachments:

1. 

   Ring.jpg
   

I was asked last year. I told him yes but no returns. It was sweet, he was sweating bullets.

I asked my father-in-law while we were in Asheville, NC at a cigar and whiskey lounge. I was going to bring it up that weekend but had no idea we would find ourselves enjoying cigars and scotch so it made for the perfect opportunity!

I’m pretty sure my daughters boyfriend (of 7 years) is scared to ask me. He knows there’s enough guns, power tools and shovels in my house to make him disappear,,,,

HRG

BDR wrote:

he was sweating bullets.

One of the few moments I will enjoy forever!!

If the father would say no then what, is the guy supposed to leave your daughter? Or just not ask to marry her?
Always intrigued me if trying to play the big tough guy showing off guns and such helped? I would maybe ask just for tradition but if I was told no I would still ask anyways. I get if the guy were a scumbag but in that case he probably would care less about the fathers opinion any ways

I didnt ask. My wife had not lived with them for years so it wasnt even a consideration.
I think the traditions is more inline with daughters living at home with their parents.

Bearcat89 wrote:

If the father would say no then what, is the guy supposed to leave your daughter? Or just not ask to marry her?
Always intrigued me if trying to play the big tough guy showing off guns and such helped? I would maybe ask just for tradition but if I was told no I would still ask anyways. I get if the guy were a scumbag but in that case he probably would care less about the fathers opinion any ways

I don’t think it is so much about obtaining permission as it is having an adult conversation about your feelings and intentions. Very honorable and it goes a long way in earning respect.

Dowry
A dowry is a transfer of parental property, gifts, or money at the marriage of a daughter. Dowry contrasts with the related concepts of bride price and dower. While bride price or bride service is a payment by the groom or his family to the bride’s parents, dowry is the wealth transferred from the bride’s family to the groom or his family, ostensibly for the bride. Similarly, dower is the property settled on the bride herself, by the groom at the time of marriage, and which remains under her ownership and control.

I asked my father-in-law the night before via phone-call because I was nervous. Even though I had absolutely no reason to be nervous, he told me to marry her years prior. I get along with my father-in-law better than the FW sometimes! He also Firmly stated his return policy…Or lack of…

With 2 young daughters at home, I feel asking is purely out of respect. I wouldn’t expect him to back out if I said no.

Bearcat89 wrote:

but in that case he probably would care less about the fathers opinion any ways

My daughter took notice to how her previous boyfriend had a lack of respect for me and my wife. Fortunately, she made the correct decision and dumped him. She woke up and realized his lack of family values and knew the long term would not be good for her.

My opinion is that it shows respect and a genuine care. He cares enough to ask, he cares enough to want to be accepted into our family for the long haul. Kids (including myself way back then) don’t always see the big picture or realize the consequences of their actions. In some cases that fatherly chat opens their eyes to the expectations of marriage and family life. Circumstances can be different for everyone and each family. Sometimes it takes a big hammer to get through a thick skull

3 daughters, 3 son in laws all asked.

I don’t think it is so much about obtaining permission as it is having an adult conversation about your feelings and intentions. Very honorable and it goes a long way in earning respect.
[/quote]

100 percent agreed. And you would hope at the time of the question respect and everything would or should already be there.
But times are changing. Most couples live together and have kids long before marriage these days. Like I said I would ask out of permission but if the father said no then its not his deal. Im not dating him or looking for anything from him besides his daughters happiness

I sat with my fiance’s parents and stated my intentions and asked for their blessing. I respect them and wanted that reiterated.

I did not ask permission. We’re adults and can make our own decisions.

I asked but would have married regardless of what they said I guess.

Bearcat89 wrote:

I don’t think it is so much about obtaining permission as it is having an adult conversation about your feelings and intentions. Very honorable and it goes a long way in earning respect.

100 percent agreed. And you would hope at the time of the question respect and everything would or should already be there.
But times are changing. Most couples live together and have kids long before marriage these days. Like I said I would ask out of permission but if the father said no then its not his deal. Im not dating him or looking for anything from him besides his daughters happiness
[/quote]

I agree that is a sign of respect and a good way to get started on the right foot. I asked my FIL when I was 33 years old and living with his daughter. Glad I did. Unless the FIL is a deadbeat dad, and under normal circumstances, I think asking is the right thing to do.

I didn’t bother asking the FIL’s permission. We’re all adults and we all get along. Just seemed like a tradition for tradition’s sake that was unnecessary. Wouldn’t have changed anything if I did, so I didn’t see the point.

I cant ask, don’t speak Hmong

3 daughters are all married and none of the boys asked, probably a good thing.

I asked. In most cases (not all) I think it’s the right thing to do.

I still clearly remember his (father in law) response. “We’d be honored if you did”.

Personally I asked, just bc of tradition, and I knew her family was like that.

But with that said think it’s a stupid tradition. Having 3 daughters myself wouldn’t be butthurt in the least if I never got asked. They are their own persons who make their own decisions and certainly don’t need approval from their Father.

Not going to go as far as saying it’s sexist, but times change, and this seems like it will change eventually.

Seeing all the panzy a$$ boys nowadays it seems more fitting to be other way around

I agree that asking is the right thing to do. It is a sign of respect. I didn’t ask but her parents and grandparents had passed on so I didn’t know who to ask. My little sister just got engaged and he asked her dad, my brother, and me for permission.

Deuces wrote:

Seeing all the panzy a$$ boys nowadays it seems more fitting to be other way around

So true

When my Son in Law called me and said he had something important to ask me. I had an idea of what it was going to be. So I thought maybe sitting on the front porch cleaning my shotgun would make him feel uneasy so not to make the question easy for him. That didn’t work he is a navy veteran and has guns of his own. He sat down next to me and helped me with the cleaning. Then after he finally asks if he can marry my daughter I say yes but with one stipulation. I said you take her dog too. Me and that rat terrier never could see eye to eye.

I have two daughters. If I get asked I’m going to say not without a dowry. Forty acres in Buffalo County should do.

Best friend’s daughter brought home a guy with whom he was unimpressed. He starting cleaning the Berreta 20 gauge O/U, asked what were the guy’s intentions. Never saw him again, daughter was furious. Next guy she brought home,out comes the Benneli M1, same question asked. The prospect said “Hey, that’s a Benelli. I’ve never shot one, can we try it out?” Daughter was again furious but several months later the shooter came and asked for his blessing. My friend gave it, three grandkids later they are very happy together and the SIL deer hunts with our group.

DaveB wrote:

I cant ask, don’t speak Hmong

That is hilarious!

I asked and also paid for the lunch and beers.

I didn’t ask. My wife (girl friend) at the time told me not to.

What does cleaning a gun in front of him supposed to do? The intimidation is ridiculous. Should my mom do this when my girlfriend comes over. If the indmtimidation is supposed to be a thing then you right off the bat are not earning any respect yourself. Should I pull my shirt up and show im also carrying ?