-by Bob Prieser
The Ultimate Hike
I’m not sure where to start when it comes to all my thoughts on this Ultimate Hike Weekend that I participated in on August 24, 2013. Do I start when Logan asked me for some fund raising help for this big hike he was going to go on? Do I start with Kaden passing away on December 22? Do I start with when Kaden’s diagnosis went from great to the most terrible news I could imagine? Or do I start when we first learned about Kaden falling at daycare and how his life and his family and friends lives changed from that day on?
I think it is appropriate that I start back in August or September of 2011. My wife and Jaime (Kaden’s mommy) had met through a great Leadership Program with the Rochester, MN Area Chamber of Commerce. Logan (Kaden’s daddy) and I had met before through both of our jobs, he’s with Planning & Zoning and I am a builder. There was a couples night planned, it was to be a night of bowling for all the Leadership participants and their spouses/significant others. I remember my wife telling me to be especially conscious of Jaime; she has a retinal disease that has been taking away her vision since she was in her teens. So my wife is making sure to explain this and that about what might be going on if she can’t see you. Jaime is legally blind, but it’s a sort of extreme tunnel vision. She can indeed see you, if she is able to look right at you and focus in. Now, I’m not one to pull too many punches, so right out of the gate; I’m picking on her jeans, telling her shoes don’t match her outfit, and other things. My wife is slapping me in the arm and chest, but Jaime loves it. You could say that we all just hit it off.
A month or so later, there was an upcoming event with the Tjossem’s as Jaime and Logan had won a silent auction item, a wine tasting party at their home for 10 friends. If I remember right we were going to be meeting in October for that party night. But of course, Kaden’s little tumble at daycare soon derailed any plans that were in the works. The main reason that I bring up this short history of our friendship is that I am still not sure how good of friends I would have become with Logan and Jaime, I think we were destined to be pretty good friends, but, more than likely it would have been, hey, we’ll see you in a couple of months, type of friendship. Not this bond, this brotherhood, this desire to help out and do whatever is needed.
I am also not sure why I chose to butt into their lives back in 2011 with the offer of a head shaving party. You see, Logan was going to shave his head regardless, and like I said, it wasn’t like I was family or anything close to that. I just remember thinking of Isaac, my son, he would have been 7 at that time and it was tearing me up to think about what Logan and Jaime must be going through. I had to help, and so it went on from there.
40+ of us shaved our heads and it was with only two weeks’ notice. I kept it shaved for a while too, although my wife disapproved. I would stop up and visit everyone at the hospital, which doesn’t seem like a big deal, but, I am not a fan of those cold and unassuming walls of any hospital, but, it’s what you do when friends are in need. Kaden just wanted to be a kid, even though he was getting poked and prodded and was constantly getting sick or running a fever, but, like he always did, he would soon snap out of it. All the kids up on that floor just wanted to be kids; they didn’t want your pity or sorrow. They liked to play and color and laugh and Kaden was no different. He just wanted to kick my butt in some video game, which he always did. 29 weeks of Chemo, surgeries, radiation, in and out of the hospital, you name it they went through it and through all of it, Logan and Jaime seemed unbowed and determined as ever.
But, as with so many cancer patients, things started to turn for the worse. Kaden was not going to come out of this as we ALL thought he would. I remember thinking what the hell, why, how in the world, this is not the results that we were told were going to be coming. And Kaden most certainly did not look like a kid that was littered with cancer. But still, how could it have gone from so good, to this. Everyone switched gears again, right along with Kaden, Logan & Jaime.
We will do what we can, whatever we can to make this as easy on Kaden as possible and also easy on Logan & Jaime. Simple things like some gift certificates to Subway and McDonalds. Bigger things like meals or house cleaning whatever we could do to help. At that point Kaden was still taking this all in stride, he is such an amazing and beautiful kid, nothing & I mean NOTHING slowed down that young man. But, his cancer was an aggressive one, it was taking all that Mayo could dish out and stomping on it, not only was it not shrinking, it was growing and spreading.
Sadly enough, it seemed as though the battle was coming to an end. Make-A-Wish fast tracked a Disney Cruise for the family, and Kaden really wanted to swim with the dolphins. A nurse was even part of the deal from Make-A-Wish so Logan and Jaime didn’t have to spend the whole trip worrying about medications and such.
While they were gone a fellow friend called and asked me to get some fire fighters together and hang some Christmas Lights on their house while they were gone. What a nice thing for them to come home too and also one less thing not to have to worry about. A bunch of people pitched in to pay for the lighting and we were up on the roof that same night.
I also remembered how much fun Kaden had at the head shaving party getting rides on the fire truck. I kept offering Logan and Kaden another ride if it ever worked out. We’d go on the big one with the ladder on top, just like before. I’d even bring it out to their house. All I needed to know was when Kaden was up for a ride. Logan knew to call me when that day was here.
By this time the cancer was really taking its toll. Kaden didn’t have too many good days anymore and mostly liked it quiet and dark. But he did want one more ride, so we picked a day, it was already December, my how time flies. Kaden didn’t want mom taking pictures, he didn’t want the sirens blowing, and he didn’t really even want the lights flashing. I think back on that night and I think that he wanted to have one last ride and he wanted to do it with his dad. I really think that Logan wanted to ride the fire truck more than Kaden, but that’s just a guess. It was just a quick ride down to Mommies work and then back home, that’s all he wanted and all I think all he could take.
It was that night that Logan and I quit shaking hands and started hugging. It’s kind of strange to me about all of our friends that have the same common link that is Kaden. None of us shake hands anymore, we all hug, all of us. I am not that guy, the emotional hugger. Logan said it best, after everything you’ve been around for (speaking in general to all of us I think) a hand shake just does not seem enough anymore.
I think it was also that night or soon after that Logan gave me the honor and privilege of carrying his son to god’s hands. I had never been a pall bearer for anyone but family before, it was a humbling duty to say the least. Unfortunately, in just a few short weeks, he was gone.
My wife, my son and I were ringing the bell in front of Wal-Mart that morning of December 22nd. I remember reading Jaime’s note that Kaden had passed away that morning. I fell against the wall in disbelief and as the tears started to flow, again I thought about what I can do for our friends. I remember calling them and I also remember sitting in silence with Logan on the other end of the phone.
I mean really, what in the heck are you supposed to say to someone who just lost their 5 year old son, there is nothing that I could come up with, nothing that would take away any small percentage of pain.
I just left it at please let me know what we can do. I later wrote a note and sent it to Logan and Jaime, it was a note that I was happy to read as a Eulogy at Kaden’s Funeral. A note that explained the significance of Kaden’s life and how much strength he had given all of us, and how anyone who met Kaden took away a sense of his strength and sense of his spirit.
It was that exact strength and spirit that I needed to dig deep into my soul and deep into my heart the weekend of the Ultimate Hike.
A few months ago, Logan and Jaime came over for a night of grilling out and beers. So as we are sitting around Logan say’s hey, I need some fund raising help. Logan knows I’m pretty good at that stuff so, I say, what’s going on. He tells me about this hike that he’s going to be going on. CureSearches, Ultimate Hike and he needs to raise $2,500.00 dollars. I think I asked him if he was going to be hiking alone and I remember hearing “Yes” So, my response was, why don’t we make it an even $5,000.00 and I’ll hike with you.
I don’t think my wife knew or grasped this whole concept what so ever, heck, I don’t even know if I completely understood what I was getting myself into. $2,500.00 I didn’t think that that was going to be the problem. 25.5 miles in one day…..the next day I was like….have you looked in a mirror lately (idiot) well, there’s no turning back now, and I signed up that day.
This is where I need to thank everyone that helped team My 3 Son’s achieve our goal. All four of us were tendered the task of raising $2,500.00 so as a team we collectively needed come up with $10,000.00 (pretty good at math huh) I, for some reason or another, have always been able to raise funds.
I’ve been involved with fundraisers for Childhood Brain Cancer, Make-A-Wish, Special Olympics, Scholarships, Eagles Cancer Telethon, Brighter Tomorrows and most recently Kaden S. Tjossem’s Running Hugs Foundation.
I’ve received tons of support from all my friends and family throughout all of them. I’m in sales and have been for most of my adult career. Through that career I’ve met many, many great people and business. All of which have been great for the success of the fundraisers we’ve help put on. The Byron Fire Department, My Brothers and all of whom I consider my family, have been a great support group as well. Every one of them would take the shirt off their back for me, and I’d do the same for them.
But, there is one special group of people I’d really like to recognize.
It’s In-Depth-Outdoors.
This group of relative strangers, yes strangers, really grabbed a hold of this hike. Collectively, they shaved their heads to raise money. They sold custom fishing jigs. They spread the word and pledged and championed this fundraiser like one of their own family members were in peril.
Again, some may have heard of Kaden and his story, but I’d be surprised if even a handful of them had ever met the family or myself.
That’s what makes it all the more special that I recognize them.
Over 100 members of this group and over $4,100.00 of my fundraising came from these fine men and women. None of them want any credit.
That will bring you up until the day we departed out of the cities in REI’s parking lot.
Friday was pretty good, a stopover in Duluth for lunch, the bus/van ride blew by and we were in Lutsen, MN before you knew it. A quick check in, short meeting with dinner and we were instructed to get to sleep.
Not a chance in hell of that happening.
The 4 of us (Team My 3 Son’s) still needed to shave our heads and we were still really looking forward to a beer. Well by the time that all the heads were shaved and pictures were done, we finally found a place to have a beer and we snuck out for just a quick couple of beers. We were back in our room at 10:45 or so.
Then the hard part…..come on, come on, fall asleep; the alarm is going off at 2:45 am. I couldn’t get to sleep, the anticipation was over whelming. I know I laid there until at least midnight, and sure enough that alarm was chirping away at 15 minutes before 3:00 am. I’m guessing 2 hours and 10 minutes to 2 hours and 20 minutes of sleep were all that was had by this cat. It didn’t matter, the excitement was in my blood and I was ready.
I threw down a 5 hour energy, took a shower and down stairs for breakfast. Everyone was up and ready, nobody was walking around like they’d rather be in bed, everyone was ready to go.
We loaded the vans at 4:00 am – it was a 45 minute drive to the starting point and we were supposed to start hiking at 5:00 am sharp. There were 24 of us along with coaches and volunteers along for the hike, we were group number 4 of 6 and our coach was Holly.
We donned our head lamps and hit the trail. Logan had been telling me for a while that this was a form of release for him. He’s had a lot of built up tension and energy that he’s been looking for an outlet for; let me tell you, he found it that morning.
Within minutes he had started to separate from the pack, before day break he had caught another group and before the 2nd aid station he had passed them all. I kept hearing reports that he would probably be in Canada before anyone caught up with him.
He finished in a remarkable 8 hours. 30 – 45 minutes faster than anyone else.
It was something that he needed to do and something that I am glad that he was able to complete. When he crossed the finish line his wife Jaime was there and they embraced for quite a while. My wife told me later that it was very emotional. I only wish I could have been there with him through all of it, but this old fat guy was never going to keep up that pace.
I started out well also, as far as I was concerned. I really thought I was doing great. I had passed up one group and was down to the first aid station by 7:15 or so. I actually ran the last 150 yards into the station and the volunteers that were waiting for us. These folks were amazing in their own rights, up way before dawn, just like us hikers, ready to serve and take care of any needs we might have at each stop and ready to do so with a smile and a congratulatory cheer as you came into the aid station. All of them deserve a lot of praise as well.
I took a quick break – hydrated, and started onto my next section in short order. It wasn’t long down this section of trail, that I came around a bend and it opened up to this beautiful cascade and waterfall area of the Temperance River. I was stunned at how cool it looked, how lucky I was to be putting my eyes on this section of breath taking scenery….and then it hit me. Why I was in this particular spot and why I was even on this hike and how much I missed my little buddy Kaden.
I broke down and the tears rolled down my face, I couldn’t contain myself and had to step off to the side to try and compose my emotions. One of the coaches came up to me and I asked him to give me a minute, as he saw the look on my face, he gave me an understanding nod and he continued down the trail.
As I stood there, I looked at the waterfall and I listened to the noise of the rushing river. I did feel a little bit of peace at that moment and then I felt this amazingly cool breeze flow over me. Almost a cold breeze and I wondered if Kaden took just a moment away from his dad and said hello to me. Whether or not that was the case, it was all I needed it to be in my mind. I wiped away my tears and picked up the pace back on the trail.
All of my training hikes with Logan showed me how oblivious we can be in to the little signs that life can show us. He and his family see so many signs and symbols that remind them of Kaden. Things that although obvious to them, were completely lost on me, was I unable to see them, nope, I did indeed see these things. But, it wasn’t until Logan showed me what I was looking for, that I really saw all the signs and symbols that Kaden was still watching over us. A simple black and blue butterfly was Kaden’s favorite, a yellow moth, an amazing cloud formation, a cool and refreshing breeze, any little noise or weird looking “thing” would cause Logan to say “Is that you Kaden??” A chipmunk supposedly yelling at you for going down the wrong trail, and then when you look to see what all the fuss is about, you actually see the marker for the trail you’re supposed to be on.
Kaden???
A moment of beauty as your crest a hill that just about ended your hike, every muscle in both legs are fighting to see who can make the bigger knot, which muscle group is going to win the battle of pain, can my lungs expand any more or my heart beat any harder, your steps are now only 6” apart from one another and every step is 4” higher in elevation than the last. Boulders and trees strewn across the trail and you need to climb over, under or go around each to reach your goal. Your legs are turning to jello and your mind is starting to wonder, how much further, how much longer, but you have to push on and then you hit a summit – you’re looking over Lake Superior and the Sea Gulls are crying, the waves are breaking, the wind is blowing. You grab your camera, but there is no way that any photo you take, will ever do justice to the scene that is in your eyes at that point. You simply take a drink out of your hydration pack, you get a little second wind, and ready to go again.
Kaden, are you helping me???
Guess what, it was downhill for the next mile and a half.
I’ll forward onto aid station #3, the last aid station before the finish line. The cramping in my legs never really seemed to go away; I battled them for the last 16 miles. I drank straight pickle juice, I ate straight salt, beef sticks, Gatorade, water, Cliff bars, sandwiches, I was trying to get the proper amount of intake vs. the amount that I was burning, little did I know that my body was consuming so much, and it was all about to come to a head soon.
It was 2:00 pm and we were ready to leave for the final leg of the hike. We had heard that it was not to be an easy undertaking, but we were not going to be defeated. 6.5 miles left to the finish line. I had hooked back up with Steve and Tom, the other two dads that made up the My Three Sons team and whom had both lost sons to that stupid disease known as cancer. Both Dads’ were as great as Logan, and neither were to be trifled with, as it comes to honoring their son’s memories.
As we started out, the cramps in my legs were pretty much back right away, but some relief came in the form of a decline down towards a river valley. The only bad thing about a decline on an extreme hike is that it is usually followed up by an incline. The conversation was good, both Tom, Steve and guide Holly were all talking about the last 5 mile push, when we hit the bridge, we saw it. It was a daunting hill, straight up, no cross bucks, no railings, no benches, no swaybacks, just straight up for the next mile, the “hill” or as some called it, the [censored], was basically a washout and it looked insane.
I started out pretty good, short steps, decent pace, just keep going. I don’t remember feeling like it was gradually wearing me down, I just remember having this all encompassing feeling of a little blurred vision, my head was swimming, my heart was pounding and all my muscles were burning and it all hit me at the same time. I would be able go 50 or 60 feet at a time and I’d have to stop. I was really getting disheartened, coach Holly knew that I was not going to stop, but, my body was in a different mindset than my heart.
In hind sight, the caloric intake of the day was far less than what I burned. Every chart I worked up said that I burned somewhere in the neighborhood of 10,000 calories that day. I more than likely only put 2,000 – 3,000 calories into my body. It’s hard to add calories when you’re not at Burger King or McDonalds. My emotions really started to take hold again as well, I was really starting to think that the trainers/coaches would not let me finish. I was also thinking that I was letting down the dads and the sons that I was there to honor. I again could not control the tears and needed some time to compose myself.
Steve and Tom were both great as they were determined to make sure that I finished at the same time as they did. But I think all three were a little bit worried about me. I heard them talking about getting some extra help out there for me and for them. Holly was digging through her pack and found some goodies for me. Some glucose tablets for my blood sugar, which was obviously way too low. Nuun Tablets for some electrolytes that my body needed, some cookies, Gatorade gel tabs, I also poured some water over my head to cool down. It was funny, I just kept eating and drinking for a while and then I started feeling better.
Whatever it was, the pick me ups, my buddies, my coaches/trainers, a little help from above…..I’m not sure what it was, but in 20 – 30 minutes I “supposedly” started looking better, yeah I know, compared to what.
I had 2-1/2 miles left when one of the other coaches came back to help me out. By then I had my legs back underneath me and my mind was getting right again. I asked Steve and Tom to go on ahead while I took a little bit longer to make sure I was right and ready. A couple of other coaches came out too. I also asked the coaches and organizers to let my wife and friends already at the finish line that I was indeed going to make it and that I was fine. There was a lot of radio chatter that I was afraid my wife was hearing some of the distress calls going out. I wanted to make sure she knew it was just a small hick-up. She was very happy that I asked them to make that call.
I made it to the finish right about 13 hours after I started. I saw so many photo graphs and stories of the young children that we were walking in honor of and in memory of on the last 300 yards up to the finish line.
There were 6 different kids that all of us were there for. All their photographs and encouraging words were just the right thing to have towards the finish line. A great reminder of why we were all there. Again all the volunteers were cheering me on, my lovely wife and all my friends were at the finish line as well to give me hugs.
Once again tears were shed, tears of joy as well as tears of sorrow.