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Knute and three of his buddies have gone ice fishing every Saturday during the winter for nearly forty years. One Saturday, the guys are ice fishing along a highway when a funeral processional drives by. Well, Knute lays down his rod, steps out of the fish house, takes off his lucky hat and places it over his heart. This processional is huge and takes nearly five minutes to pass. Once it passes, Knute sits down, puts his hat on and drops his line without saying a word. Needless to say his buddies are floored by his actions. One of em finally speaks up and says, “that sure was a respectful thing you did there when they went by.” Knute replied, “It seems the least I could do seeing as how I’ve been married to the woman for over forty years!”

Sven, Ole and Eino were at the cafe. Sven was feeling a little a proud and piped up: “Ya know. I dug a new outhouse hole and counted to five before it hit da bottom.” Ole says: “Sven, dats nothing. I counted ten before it hit the bottom.” Eino was sitting there quietly. Sven says: “Eino, didn’t you yust dig a new hole for your outhouse?”
Eino: “Ya.”
Sven: “Vell, let’s hear it.”
Eino: “Okay, I vent out tis morning and counted to five and didn’t hear anyting. I counted to ten and still didn’t hear anyting. I knew I dug dat hole deep so I peaked down and Some in na Bits. Da sit vas stuck on my suspenders!”

What’d the fish say when he swam into a wall…

Dam

What’s the difference between broccoli and boogers?

Kids won’t eat broccoli.

OOPS sorry! Do they have to have to be about fishing?

Nope, could be any pathetic joke like attached:

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One summer Ollie, Sven and Lars were fishing on LOW in an old wooden boat. Ollie stood up while setting the hook on what looked to be a huge fish but the line broke and Ollie fell over the side of the boat and into the water. Sven and Lars looked over the side for about 30 seconds and Ollie never came up. Lars quickly dove in to save him. After 4 attempts Lars finally comes up with him. He and Sven drag him in the boat and Sven tries to give him mouth to mouth for a good 5 minutes. Sven’s now out of breath stops and says wow I don’t remember Ollie having such bad breath! Lars said I don’t remember Ollie was wearing a snowmobile suit!

Before you go out to the fish house, stop by the Red Owl and get yourself a can of peas. Then just take ’em out real careful so they don’t get crushed and put them all around your icehole once you got it all spudded out. Throw a few down the hole for chum, chum. Then wait real quiet. Then, when a fish comes up to take a pea, you grab him real quick-like.

I’ll be here all week, try the peas.

peas out.

Jeff Huberty.

Best defense is a good offense!!

Three boys are arguing about who’s dad is the fastest.

The first says “my dad is so fast that when he shoots his bow he can run down and catch the arrow before it hits the target.” The other boys agree this is pretty fast.

But, the second says “well my dad is so fast, he can shoot his .22 and run down and catch the bullet before it hits the target.” Again the others agree that this is pretty fast.

The third boy says “My dad has both of your dads beat. He works for the County and gets off at 2 but is home by noon!”

When they first started putting urinals lower to the ground, I thought they were makin’ em especially for me

Here’s one for JD;

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Ole, Lars and Sven had been going to the Sons of Norway hall meeting as long as there had been a hall. And every month, wouldn’t ya know it, they didn’t win a prize in the monthly draw. That is until the last meeting.

Sven was the first one of the three to get his name drawn. He won two pounds of spaghetti sauce, four boxes of noodles, and three pounds of Swedish meatballs.

Ole had his name drawn next. He got himself round trip tickets to Duluth, a nights stay at the Dew Drop Inn and a pair of tickets to see the Inger triplets Polka Ensemble. Ole thought that he had died and gone to heaven.

Lars was the last one to have his name drawn, he won a toilet brush.

At the next monthly meeting, they sat down together to check out how each other had fared for the past month.

Sven said “Uff da, I had dat pasghetti for tree days. It was so good, and Helga didn’t have to buy food for dem dere tree days.”

Ole said “Lena was so happy vhen I brought home dem tickets. The trip up to Dulut was nice, we got to ride da Greyhound, and you know, they got a built in outhouse on dat dere bus. And the Inger Triplets, if I didn’t know better, I would swear dey were sisters.”

Then Ole turned to Lars, and asked him how his prize worked out. Lars looks at them both and says “Dat dere toilet brush is nice, but I tink I’ll go back to using paper.”

Ok, here is another one,

Ole took Lena home with him and took off his shirt. Lena says, ” Ole dat’s some chest you have dare. Ole says, ” Lena, dat’s a hunnert pounds of dynamite.”

Next he took off his pants. Lena says, ” Ole dat’s nice calves you have dare.” Ole says, ” Lena dat’s a hunnert pounds of dynamite.”

Ole quickly reached down and pulled off his underpants and Lena screamed and ran out the door. Ole put his clothes back on and ran after her. Catching her Ole said, ” Lena, viy did you run out like dat?” Lena said, ” Vit all dat dynamite around, I thought it was going to explode when I saw how short da fuse was!”

Why do farts smell?

So the deaf can enjoy them too.

A pirate walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender says “hey captain Ahab, do you realize you have a steering wheel sticking out of your pants?”

The pirate says “yarrrr mate, it be driving me nuts”.

So one day Ole decided to go ice fishing. He picks a spot and drills his hole and then Hears, ” Theres no fish down there”
So Ole listening to the voice decides to move on and find a different spot. Drills a hole, sits down and is about to start fishing when he hears the voice again, “Theres no fish down there!!”
Ole, getting a little frustrated, decides to move again to a better spot, drills his hole and is about to drop line when he hears for the third time, ” Damnit OLE theres no fish donw there!!!”

Ole stands up and shouts at the sky, “What are you GOD or something!”

The voice replies, “NO, Im the ice rink attendent!!”

Happy fishing!!

One day Ole, Sven, and Duda head out to cut da wood for der fire places. Da old ladies are gettting cold dis time of year.

Each of Dem has there special job. Ole cuts da tree down, sven chuncks Da wood up, and Duda piles Da brush.

Anyways Dey are out there working hard and Ole wasnt paying attention to where DA trees were landing and realizes Duda is in da way!!

Ole is a shoutin and holarin yelling watchout Duda!!!! Anyways tree falls on Duda… Dudas Dead!!

Ole and sven cant believe what just happened and start heading home all begooggled. They are frustrated on how to break the new to da wives. So day put there heads together for the walk home.

They get to the front door and the wives are all excited standing there and they say, Sven and Ole… Where Duda!!

They just look at each other and say, ” GUES WHO DIED IN THE WOODS TODAY, DUDA, DUDA!!”

A German walks into a bar and orders a martini.

“Dry?” asks the bartender.
“No, just one.” replied the German.

In order to stay in better shape Lena took up swimming and became so good she decided to try out for the Olympics. She entered the medley and was winning by a mile until the final lap where competitors were required to do the breast-stroke where she struggled terribly and ended up in last place.

On the way home Ole asked, “Lena, vhat happened?”

“I don’t know Ole, but it sure looked like dose other women vere using der arms.”

A guy walks into a bar, looks over the drink menu, and orders a drink called a grasshopper. As he’s leaving the bar, he sees a grasshopper on the sidewalk. He says to the grasshopper, “Hey do you know they have a drink in there named after you?” To which the grasshopper replies, “No @#$%! They’ve got a drink named Irving!?”

Makes me giggle each time I drive past Irving Street!

Two blondes walk into a building. You think one of em would’ve seen it.

These two fish were swimming around in the lake and it started to rain. One fish says to the other: “Let’s hide under that bridge so we don’t get wet.”

Brian Klawitter wrote:

Jeff Huberty.

Best defense is a good offense!!

More like a sucker punch